To think PIL have been regifting DH's engagement presents for 25 years?

[AlJalilia]

My PIL have always been very stingy, in spite of having enough money not to be. They are the kind of people to let their guests freeze rather than put the heating on, for example.

Anyway, before DH met me, he was engaged to the love of his life. They had been together since school and were due to get married. Just before the wedding, his fiance dumped him. He was heartbroken. He then moved away from home, met me and we've been together ever since.

When we got a flat together, we mentioned that we needed to buy cutlery and MIL said that there was a canteen of cutlery at her house from DH's engagement party and that we could have it if we wanted. I declined. To be honest, I have always believed that DH loved his ex-fiance more than me, which is fine. But I certainly didn't want anything of theirs. Particularly an engagement present.

Anyway, over the years PIL have given us Christmas and Birthday presents. Most of the birthday presents have been terrible, including something broken that they'd found lying in the road for my 40th. But our Christmas presents are generally OK. They are always something for the house, so glasses, a bread knife, that kind of thing.

A couple of times the presents have been really nice and completely not PIL's style at all. I remember about 5 years ago, they gave us some really cool bowls. I wanted to add to the collection so asked MIL where she bought them from and she claimed to not remember. I thought it odd, but forgot about it.

Anyway, for Christmas this year, we got 4 mugs and some tea towels. I had a friend over last week who took one look at the mugs and said, "blimey, I haven't seen that style since the 90s."

Which got me thinking. Ever since DH and I have been together, our presents have got more and more dated. I asked DH what happened to the engagement presents, did they send them back? He said no, they are still at PIL's house.

So I'm wondering, is it possible that they have slowly been regifting these presents to us as Christmas presents for 25 years? And if so, AIBU to be a bit unhappy about it?

It's not possible they're engagement presents.

People barely give them now, and they definitely didn't back then.

The much more likely scenario is they buy all their presents at charity shops

In terms of being engaged before. I'm married 12 yrs but was engaged before. It was young love - hot/cold, up and down, and really intense. DH is steady, and at first I missed the drama. Not any more. It's like partying with hangovers - fun at the time, but no interest in repeating it now. There were good times and happy memories with my ex, but there's no regret or desire to go back.
I completely understand your not wanting their stuff. My ex had given me some lovely jewellery. I returned the ring and gave the rest to my sis and friends. Just thinking about it, some fabulous things, but emotions were high. My first love was not for life.

Engagement presents were more of a thing back in the 80's & 90's, because most couples didn't live together before getting married. Not as much reliance on loans and credit cards either, so most new couples were skint.

He was supposed to give the engagement presents back being as the marriage didn't go ahead! So he's partly to blame too.

Funny though!

have you been to their house and seen where they keep the engagement presents?

i had an invitation to an engagement party in the 1990s - i didnt go for some reason.

I vote yes they bloody are!!

Awful and hilarious in equal measure - sorry, OP.

the engagement party i was invited to you had to pay to go! even her mother told her she was mercenary

Definitely start regifting them back! Used if possible! This is sad but very funny!!

Imagine if one of these vintage gifts turned out to be worth a bit now ?

Personally the opportunity to prank back would be too great ...

I would get DH to ask for the presents. Say you have told a local church about them and they can't wait to have them, they will help a lot of people.

An item they found broken in the road ,,🤣🤣🤣😂😂.

Oh dear op.
I guess the crux here is, does fil really believe this or do they know it's absolutely crap.
My Df would be in the second camp so more innocent but pils wouldn't touch something like that themselves so it's definitely a passive aggressive act

I can’t get past the fact that you have spent 25 years feeling like second best to the ‘love of DH’s life’. Is that his description or yours?

@AlJalilia Have you voiced this to your hubby and what has he said?

If they are engagement presents, then it's very CF of your DH to expect his parents to store them at their house for over 25 years. Personally I think that's worse than regifting something perfectly nice. (broken gifts not in this category, clearly)

OP this is actually quite funny 😄. They’re stingy fuckers but it would make me laugh.

I mentioned it to DH after my friend pointed out about the mugs. I said,”hey, these DO look like something from the 90s. Do you think your parents have been regifting yours and [ex-fiance’s] engagement presents to us all these years?”. He laughed and said, “do you know what... I wouldn’t put it past them.”

Why don't you politely suggest not doing physical presents any more as you're all clearly at the stage of life where you don't need loads more stuff. Put the money towards a nice meal or experience together instead. That's what my family now do and it takes the pressure off thinking of presents that are never what the person would have chosen themselves, and instead we spend money on stuff we actually want to do.

Engagement parties with gifts are a thing here in Australia...I wonder if the 80s/90s coincides with the Oz soaps being a big deal - maybe the trend came from Australian telly?!

is it the case that the tradition carried on in Australia longer than it did i the UK? I remember my parents buying engagement gifts in the 70s for their friends, and we often talked about starting my bottom drawer.

Some of my German friends (including one who was about 30 when i met her) buying things for their bottom drawer. I think it's quite a lovely tradition.

I mean it’s obviously stingy but I also think why has your husband just left 50+ presents at their house for 25yrs with no plans to get rid of them?

@Itsalmostanaccessory

How has your husband never recognised them? They were gifts given to him.

If these are the engagement gifts, its actually really mean to the people who gave them that he hasnt even recognised one thing.

I have a pretty good memory but I'd struggle to pick out a tea towel gift years later

How many people can do that

I hope your PILs don't watch Loose Women, this has their kind of discussion written all over it

I think the broken present in the road is worse.i wouldn't spend much time or money on gifts for them if I were you

From what I can gather, MIL just squirrelled them all away (including the engagement ring). DH was too upset to deal with it all. He then left home soon after then met me.

As for what they give you just keep the stuff you like