To think PIL have been regifting DH's engagement presents for 25 years?

[AlJalilia]

My PIL have always been very stingy, in spite of having enough money not to be. They are the kind of people to let their guests freeze rather than put the heating on, for example.

Anyway, before DH met me, he was engaged to the love of his life. They had been together since school and were due to get married. Just before the wedding, his fiance dumped him. He was heartbroken. He then moved away from home, met me and we've been together ever since.

When we got a flat together, we mentioned that we needed to buy cutlery and MIL said that there was a canteen of cutlery at her house from DH's engagement party and that we could have it if we wanted. I declined. To be honest, I have always believed that DH loved his ex-fiance more than me, which is fine. But I certainly didn't want anything of theirs. Particularly an engagement present.

Anyway, over the years PIL have given us Christmas and Birthday presents. Most of the birthday presents have been terrible, including something broken that they'd found lying in the road for my 40th. But our Christmas presents are generally OK. They are always something for the house, so glasses, a bread knife, that kind of thing.

A couple of times the presents have been really nice and completely not PIL's style at all. I remember about 5 years ago, they gave us some really cool bowls. I wanted to add to the collection so asked MIL where she bought them from and she claimed to not remember. I thought it odd, but forgot about it.

Anyway, for Christmas this year, we got 4 mugs and some tea towels. I had a friend over last week who took one look at the mugs and said, "blimey, I haven't seen that style since the 90s."

Which got me thinking. Ever since DH and I have been together, our presents have got more and more dated. I asked DH what happened to the engagement presents, did they send them back? He said no, they are still at PIL's house.

So I'm wondering, is it possible that they have slowly been regifting these presents to us as Christmas presents for 25 years? And if so, AIBU to be a bit unhappy about it?

I would re gift the crap back to them for their birthdays and Christmas.

When they run out of engagement presents, you do know the final gift to you will be ex’s engagement ring, don’t you? 😁

That was meant to be a grin, not sure how it came out as a grimace! Of course, they may have sold that one and spent the money but we shall see.

I'd just use the gifts I liked, and take the stuff I didn't want to the charity shop.

I don't think I would've said no to taking them in the first place, homeware that you need is useful, who cares who it was bought for in the first place, it's not exactly a personal or intimate gift. Your husband should've disposed of them himself of he didn't want them rather than leave them at his parents' house for twenty years. I rather admire their resourcefulness.

This is hilarious sorry, you really need to call them out and say that your friend recognised the mugs and see them squirm.

They really are tight cheeky fuckers.

They are giving him Christmas presents that already belong to him.

It’s like something from a SitCom.

Ok so I'm dying to see a pic of the mugs! Please!

Or had 5 toasters and 3 fondue sets
that'll be confirmation - when they give you a mint condition fondue set in a slightly yellowing box

Don’t knock it, fondue sets are coming back! My 25 yo niece asked for one for Christmas!

Tell mil you sold the vintage stuff and got loads for it. The rest she will sell and no more old tat will go your way op!!

Gosh yes, I’d forgotten about that. We got engaged in the ‘90s and had a big party. We got presents like wine racks and vases and mugs - thing like that. The mugs have lasted well - the marriage not so much 😂

We had an engagement party in 2012. It was just an excuse for a piss up… we’d been living abroad so lots of our friends and family hadn’t met each other. Was brill! We said no gifts, but most people bought us a bottle of champagne or something along those lines.

I'm kind of on the mad PILs' side...

Why hasn’t your husband sorted out his engagement gifts at his parents? Either returned them or got rid of them? If there is enough stuff to make up presents for all this time they must have really cluttered up their house/garage. So they’re genius slowly dumping it back on him!

@newnameforthis76

‘Engagement gifts’? Is that a thing? If people were buying canteens of cutlery and and sets of crockery for his engagement, what were they going to give him for his actual wedding?!

Exactly what i was thinking? Maybe not in UK?

Possibly America, where things like baby showers are a thing??

Sounds weird for U.K.?

It does sound like they are OP! They sound quite annoying but also hilarious. They gave you something broken they found in the road?! 😯😂

I guess from their point of view this is a pile of stuff left at their house, belonging to your DH and his ex. Honsetly DH should have sorted it well before now, I don’t blame them for the sneaky regifting. What were they supposed to do? Can’t throw it all away, it’s valuable and doesn’t belong to them. Doubt they want it sitting in their cupboards forever.

I’d be tempted to have DH ask for the engagement presents back but that would stress out an elderly couple so is probably too mean.

Just accept the presents, say thank you, and given them away if you don’t want his old engagement presents.

Does he really not recognise any of the presents?! How very male…

I bet they were wedding gifts?

How strange, I’ve never heard of people giving household gifts when somebody gets engaged?!

Did anyone buy you engagement presents when you and dh got engaged?

Personally I think it's very rude to not return the gifts when the engagement ended and for your ils to do this.
I can understand the person who got left being too upset to deal with it all, but his ex fiancée and parents ought to have arranged to return gifts.

@SarahBellam

Gosh yes, I’d forgotten about that. We got engaged in the ‘90s and had a big party. We got presents like wine racks and vases and mugs - thing like that. The mugs have lasted well - the marriage not so much 😂

Haha! I have a single plate left from my marriage- use it a lot😂

So completely missing the point of the post but you say you dont think your dh loves you as much as his ex. Thats very hard to feel like that. I used to fee like that for the first few years of being with dh too. I dont anymore but I remember the feeling well.

Engagement parties are definitely a thing in Australia. Been to loads, always give a gift. We tend to give a household item at the engagement and money at the wedding.

I’m in the U.K. and had an engagement party about 20 years ago and had loads of gifts!

Mainly boxes of glasses/mugs/dinner sets.

I had so many I kept some boxed up and replaced them then others broke, but we’re still using some of them today.

It was a thing then- people hadn’t got social media lives to live up so we’re more generous with gift giving

Awful but hilarious. My mum had engagement gifts but married in 60s northern England. Things like blankets or towels or tea towels. I remember being young and her saying Auntie x got us that. Remember a young couple would have nothing and needed to set up home. Engagements weren’t usually long.

Engagement gifts aren't that unusual if you have a party are they?

We didn't have a party but some people still bought us gifts.