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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed my friends son has kicked a hole in my wall?

305 replies

TedOnTheBed · 20/02/2022 19:59

I have posted about his behaviour before and pretty much told I was being unsupportive. I am not she can not control him, there are no special needs involved he is brat and acts out destroying things and attacking people to get his own way. She says no he goes on a 30-45 minute rampage which ends in him doing something like smashing a tv, phone screen or head butting someone on the nose causing a nose bleed etc etc. she then gives in and he gets what he wants and he INSTANTLY snaps out of the tantrum until he hears the word no again and then it is a repeat. My AIBU is would it be mean to ban a just turned 5 year old from my house? I find his behaviour unbearable and absolutely detest spending anytime with him.

OP posts:
OinkyO · 20/02/2022 20:02

Yes I would ban him. Just don't invite them round.

DuesToTheDirt · 20/02/2022 20:03

Well he certainly wouldn't be welcome in my house. Why does your friend expect you to put up with this?

AmandaHoldensLips · 20/02/2022 20:03

Ban.

Ursusmajor · 20/02/2022 20:04

Yep, that seems fair enough in this case. Did your friend at least offer to pay for the repair to you wall?

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 20/02/2022 20:04

Keep him away. Not your responsibility

44PumpLane · 20/02/2022 20:04

I have 5 year old twins who are very much a handful......you would not be at all unreasonable to ban him from your house!!!

AnakinthePadawhine · 20/02/2022 20:04

Your friend is raising an unlovable child, that is a shame.
YANBU OP

BlanketsBanned · 20/02/2022 20:05

Of course you can not have him in your house hurting people and damaging your property. I would continue offering to support her but tell her that you cannot have this behaviour in your home.

fruitypancake · 20/02/2022 20:05

Something beneath the surface going on. Yes behaviour unacceptable but it's telling a story. Your friend and her son need your support

withgraceinmyheart · 20/02/2022 20:05

You don’t need to ban him explicitly, just arrange to meet out and leave if it gets too bad.

OverByYer · 20/02/2022 20:05

Totally out of order, I hope your friend offered to pay?

EmoIsntDead · 20/02/2022 20:06

Fuck no, I would be having this kid anywhere near my house! Tbh if his behaviour is that bad I wouldn't want to be around him at all.

TimeForTeaAndG · 20/02/2022 20:06

Is she paying for the wall repair?!

I wouldn't have him in my house, you're not unreasonable to not want your home trashed if he doesn't get his own way on something. I'd be concerned that he is going to end up seriously hurting himself/someone else (I see he's already burst a nose...his mum?) and just being a violent young man if noone intervenes.

I might call the school/nursery and voice concerns about his behaviour to allow professionals to speak to the family about how to deal with him.

DdraigGoch · 20/02/2022 20:07

Definitely ban.

GCAcademic · 20/02/2022 20:08

No way would he be coming to my house. I hope your friend has offered to repair the damage?

TooManyAnimals94 · 20/02/2022 20:08

She let's him do this in other people's houses? What happens if you say something? It's not your job of course but sometimes children are more respectful of adults that aren't their parents.
I don't think YABU at all but I'm sure it will damage your relationship with your friend if you outright ban him.

Sexnotgender · 20/02/2022 20:09

There’s absolutely no reason he needs to be in your house.

Not your circus.

phishy · 20/02/2022 20:10

Your home is your sanctuary, don’t let this shit ruin it anymore.

Suggest meeting outside or at their house.

LampLighter414 · 20/02/2022 20:10

Don't have them over again. If she wants to see you, offer to go to hrs where he can destroy his own home and possessions and you are free to leave whenever you want

phishy · 20/02/2022 20:10

*this little shit

WouldIwasShookspeared · 20/02/2022 20:11

Of course it's not unreasonable.
You should be honest with your friend about it too.

Georgeskitchen · 20/02/2022 20:11

That kid's feet wouldn't touch the ground if it behaved like that at my house. It would be out the door on the end of my boot!!

Hankunamatata · 20/02/2022 20:14

Yep. I would be telling her his behaviour is unacceptable and give her the bill to fix the wall

stilltiredinthemorning · 20/02/2022 20:15

That sounds like quite unusual behaviour for a 5 year old. How can you be sure there are no underlying needs? The word 'no' can be a trigger for children with neurodevelopmental disorders for example. Perhaps she gives in to him quickly because she's embarrassed by his behaviour or worried that he'll hurt someone. I'm not saying that is the best way to respond to his behaviour, but he sounds very challenging and that she could could do with some support?

That's a separate issue from the hole in your wall and whether you allow him in your house. I think it would be reasonable for the other parent to pay for a repair (their child and his actions are their responsibility). I would 'ban' him though, I think that would be very hurtful and unkind. If you really can't stand to spend time with him suggest you meet your friend woyhoit the kids, for a drink in the evening etc. or otherwise meet somewhere outside or in a soft play place etc.

AprilShowers82 · 20/02/2022 20:15

@fruitypancake oh For fucks sake! Absolutely sick of comments like this here.
You know what, some kids have special needs and need tolerance and understanding. And some kids are just plain NAUGHTY! Rude, spiteful, spoiled, aggressive and indulged. And the OP is not in any way, shape or form obliged to tolerate her property being fucking destroyed under the guise of “be kind”. Good grief. OP YANBU. I would never have him in my house and couldn’t stand to be around it.