To be annoyed my friends son has kicked a hole in my wall?

[TedOnTheBed]

I have posted about his behaviour before and pretty much told I was being unsupportive. I am not she can not control him, there are no special needs involved he is brat and acts out destroying things and attacking people to get his own way. She says no he goes on a 30-45 minute rampage which ends in him doing something like smashing a tv, phone screen or head butting someone on the nose causing a nose bleed etc etc. she then gives in and he gets what he wants and he INSTANTLY snaps out of the tantrum until he hears the word no again and then it is a repeat. My AIBU is would it be mean to ban a just turned 5 year old from my house? I find his behaviour unbearable and absolutely detest spending anytime with him.

I didn’t call him a little shit so I am not sure where that came from, I said he acts like a brat in my op.

@AnakinthePadawhine.
No child ia unlovable what an awful thing to say 😔

This doesn’t sound like ‘normal’ behaviour for a 5 year old.

I wouldn’t ban him but I sousing be inviting them over- arrange to see them at a playground or something?

@TedOnTheBed

I didn’t call him a little shit so I am not sure where that came from, I said he acts like a brat in my op.

No, not you OP a couple of other posters.

If you want to keep the friendship only go to hers or meet outside/somewhere neutral.
Don't let her bring him to your house again.
She can visit on her own when he's away at his dads.

Just don’t invite them over again
She’ll know why.
I wouldn’t stop the friendship, shes obviously overwhelmed with whatever it is :either issues or just very naughty.
If you go out to meet them , I’d start pulling him up and telling him he’s acting the goat. See if she’s thankful or ashamed or angry- you’ll know where you stand from there.
Sorry about your wall. She’s obviously not offered if there’s no way she could afford to have it fixed. She sounds in denial a bit. If this is a long grind as you say- you should be able to have a chat about it.

Ban.

Id ban him and tell her why.

It's a shame for the child too, he's being badly let down right now.. Seeing the consequences of her own crap parenting might be enough to make her step up.

@TedOnTheBed

I haven’t asked her to pay no. She is a single parent claiming income support there is no way she could pay for it without impacting her kids. Actually we didn’t even really talk about the hole in the wall after he did it they stayed about another hour she brushed over it and I was to embarrassed to bring it up. Dh is out with our ds and due home shortly, he is going to be unimpressed when he sees it.

I didn't think income support existed any more?

@HappyDays40
I do actually think that some children are unlovable. Or unlikable if you prefer. It is mostly the parents' faults for bringing them up like that, or just, very rarely, their own nature. It is what it is.

Yes she could visit on her own when the kids are at their dads but I would feel bad for my dd missing out on playing with her friend.

I went to parents evening with mum before half term and she asked for advice with his behaviour. The teacher had no concerns about his behaviour, development or social skills. She commented he had a tantrum in the first week (mum was aware already) over not being allowed a cookie it was dealt with sternly and he has never done it again.

I wouldn't 'ban' a child from my house as it sounds a bit dramatic but would not invite them over again and would suggest meeting up only outdoors.

YANBU. I would stick to seeing my friend without her DC or meeting somewhere like the park only.

No, of course YANBU.

Who has the money to waste on repairing serious damage caused to their house by visiting children whose parents can't control them?

Just don't invite them and tell your friend you can't afford to have them over, if she asks. If she objects, wave the bill for repairing the wall in front of her and ask if she'd like to pay it.

That poor mum, but no need for you to be impacted by this behaviour, or have your house destroyed. I would tell her politely but firmly that you're happy to meet up in a park or soft play centre or similar, but you can't have them round to yours at the moment.

She needs to hear this or she'll be wondering why she's losing friends left right and center.

Tell her she cannot bring her son to visit if he cannot behave himself. If she is having trouble, her health visitor can help. If she is not willing to look for help, then she is bringing up a child who will get into bother at school and could be expelled. Better to do something now. As for the woman who objects to people calling young children "little shits"., unfortunately some are because their parents do not put in the boundaries. Not all children are angelic! And the rest of us do not have to put up with very badly behaved children. I don't.

As far as I know she hasn’t moved over to universal credit yet, she started claiming that and housing benefit for her new home a few years ago when she split from her husband.

YANBU but I wouldn’t officially ban them.
I would just meet them at theirs/outdoors.

It sounds like going to somewhere like a park or a woods would be better as he can burn off his energy, the girls can drag behind and have their own chats and you and your friend don’t have to worry and just have a nice stroll.

If your DD likes to see her friend how about inviting her over for a sleepover but coming straight after school so mum doesn’t need to drop her off.

Sorry sorry! Wrong thread, no idea what happened there!!

Don't have him round your house again. If she tries to bring him round, just politely say you and DH would rather she didn't bring him because you don't want to risk further damage to your property.
Then the ball's in her court. She can either agree to see you at her place/neutral venue or she can flounce and no longer be your friend.
There is a boy at the school where I work who reminds me of this. No SEN. Parents are arty and believe children should be free to express themselves/you should never say no to a child. Child has huge tantrum every time someone at school says no to him. Throws things, breaks things. Now he's 9 and hasn't grown out of this, parents have suddenly realised it's not cute any more and are trying to impose some rules at home but without much success. He recently smashed a chrome book at school by throwing it on the floor and got an internal exclusion. Parents mortified. In most cases with such behaviour there usually is some sort of undiagnosed SEN but in this child's case I genuinely believe he is just spoilt. He kicked off last week as it was sibling''s birthday and sibling got presents "because I don't want anyone else to get presents, they should all be for me".

Has his behaviour got worse since the split?

I don't know if you've done this before but to be a good friend you need to tell her, kindly, that she's not doing her son any favours and she needs to get control of the situation before his behaviour gets worse and she can cope even less.

Our local council has LOADS of different and FREE parenting courses on offer. One of those is a much better place to start than asking teachers tbh.

It's not the little boys fault either, he's tiny and is probably feeling very unsafe, he's probably desperate for kind yet firm boundaries.

@MichelleScarn I maybe bring a bit thick because I am upset and flustered but I don’t understand your post. Nobody has mentioned nursery staff because this happened today at my house.

The word 'no' can be a trigger for children with neurodevelopmental disorders for example

While this maybe true the word no can also be a trigger for children who raise hell to get their way because there has been absolutely no boundaries or discipline put in place by their parents.

Your friend is doing him no favours; children who have no boundaries or discipline grow into emotionally infantile adults who refuse to take responsibility for their actions, causing destruction and misery wherever they go...

I wouldn't have him in my home.

Absolutely no more visits to your house for the nightmare child.
Her feeble non-action parenting is allowing him in effect to vandalize your house.