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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed my friends son has kicked a hole in my wall?

305 replies

TedOnTheBed · 20/02/2022 19:59

I have posted about his behaviour before and pretty much told I was being unsupportive. I am not she can not control him, there are no special needs involved he is brat and acts out destroying things and attacking people to get his own way. She says no he goes on a 30-45 minute rampage which ends in him doing something like smashing a tv, phone screen or head butting someone on the nose causing a nose bleed etc etc. she then gives in and he gets what he wants and he INSTANTLY snaps out of the tantrum until he hears the word no again and then it is a repeat. My AIBU is would it be mean to ban a just turned 5 year old from my house? I find his behaviour unbearable and absolutely detest spending anytime with him.

OP posts:
Original poster
TedOnTheBed · 22/02/2022 19:08

I haven’t spoken to her today so don’t know, I haven’t seen it in the press so hoping she hasn’t either.

OP posts:
SchadenfreudePersonified · 22/02/2022 19:59

It's lazy journalism, isn't it?

And bliddy cheeky!

EmbarrassedAllOver · 22/02/2022 20:04

My cousin's son is similar. I avoid seeing him at all costs. We see him at family affairs but otherwise I see cousin when he's in school as I just can't stand by and watch her allow this behaviour.

I personally wouldn't mind as much if the parents tried to discipline but they just laugh and give in. It's infuriating.

Migrainesbythedozen · 23/02/2022 02:19

Who cares about the press picking it up?

And who cares if she sees it? GOOD if she does, I hope she does and feels embarrassed. I always hope these CFers read the articles and see themselves in them and are suitably ashamed.

sweetbellyhigh · 23/02/2022 03:11

It's very extreme behaviour and I will bet every last penny he has undiagnosed needs.

That said, you do not have to put up with having anyone in your house if you're not comfortable about it. I certainly would not want someone who kicks holes coming to visit.

Sometimes being supportive can involve being firm. If you are able to be honest with your friend and say you find her child's behaviour extreme and you are concerned for them, it may prompt her to get help.

Bogeyes · 23/02/2022 06:05

Mummy's little prince always gets what he wants. Your friend is nuturing a spoilt brat who will turn out to be a bully. He will be hated by his peers. He needs boundaries.

Underhisi · 23/02/2022 06:50

"She says no he goes on a 30-45 minute rampage which ends in him doing something like smashing a tv, phone screen or head butting someone on the nose causing a nose bleed etc etc."

This is more than a naughty spoilt child just lacking boundaries and needing some telling off.

Underhisi · 23/02/2022 07:15

"she then gives in and he gets what he wants"

So she has stood firm for 30 - 45 mins despite all that going on. So not giving in at the first sign of problems and presumably usually her house being trashed.
Clearly this strategy of letting him 'tantrum' it out ( a strategy widely used with ordinary children) isn't working and she needs a different one but all those saying it is just naughtiness and bad behaviour - come on. it isn't.

BluebellsGreenbells · 23/02/2022 08:15

Sorry but it’s comes up when googled

To be annoyed my friends son has kicked a hole in my wall?
NannyKrampus · 23/02/2022 08:30

OP why did you not act like an adult in your last phone conversation and mention that you will be busy picking up materials to fix the hole her son kicked? I was really sympathetic until then but you are being a bit pathetic now.

Migrainesbythedozen · 23/02/2022 09:09

@sweetbellyhigh

It's very extreme behaviour and I will bet every last penny he has undiagnosed needs.

That said, you do not have to put up with having anyone in your house if you're not comfortable about it. I certainly would not want someone who kicks holes coming to visit.

Sometimes being supportive can involve being firm. If you are able to be honest with your friend and say you find her child's behaviour extreme and you are concerned for them, it may prompt her to get help.

@sweetbellyhigh I will bet every last penny and my house he has zero needs, 99% of the time they don't, he is just badly behaved, badly disciplined and spoiled. The OP has already spoken to her friend if you had read all the OP's posts. The friend laughed it off and has no intention of disciplining him. The boy is better behaved with his father who takes no shit.
Migrainesbythedozen · 23/02/2022 09:12

@Underhisi

"she then gives in and he gets what he wants"

So she has stood firm for 30 - 45 mins despite all that going on. So not giving in at the first sign of problems and presumably usually her house being trashed.
Clearly this strategy of letting him 'tantrum' it out ( a strategy widely used with ordinary children) isn't working and she needs a different one but all those saying it is just naughtiness and bad behaviour - come on. it isn't.

@Underhisi The fact he keeps going because he knows his mother will give in is ONE HUNDRED PERCENT proof it is 100% naughtiness and nothing else. Anyone with any experience with children sees it for what it is. A spoiled badly disciplined child who punches walls because that when the mother gives in. The father never gives in. And the son behaves well for him.
Migrainesbythedozen · 23/02/2022 09:12

@BluebellsGreenbells

Sorry but it’s comes up when googled
Who cares?
OhWhyNot · 23/02/2022 09:23

For some parents it’s easier to give in

He may be angry, hurt etc but that doesn’t excuse bad behaviour

Down children need firmer boundaries than others some are more challenging

Does she call him spirited. I have heard this used on a number of occasions when a child is allowed to get away with bad behaviour because to challenge their behaviour is too much like hard work

OhWhyNot · 23/02/2022 09:24

*some children

sweetbellyhigh · 23/02/2022 09:34

@Migrainesbythedozen

Wow you sound so angry 😡

You sound like a very judgmental person who knows nothing about children and behaviour 😂

Tynetime · 23/02/2022 09:39

@sweetbellyhigh I am with you on this one. There is definitely something going on. It is widely known that a child with difficulties or neuro diversity almost always behaves worse in its most secure environment. This is why so many ND kids slip through the net as medical professionals listen to schools more than parents.
I had it with my Aspergers child who wasn't diagnosed till 15. By that time his mental health was shot.
My ADHD child referral was pinged until school got involved. She wasn't even in school when the referral was done.

Migrainesbythedozen · 23/02/2022 09:47

[quote sweetbellyhigh]@Migrainesbythedozen

Wow you sound so angry 😡

You sound like a very judgmental person who knows nothing about children and behaviour 😂 [/quote]
@sweetbellyhigh Wow you are the one who sounds so angry, it's clear you have absolutely no experience with children whatsoever and are painfully naive and ignorant. 😂😂

Migrainesbythedozen · 23/02/2022 09:50

[quote Tynetime]@sweetbellyhigh I am with you on this one. There is definitely something going on. It is widely known that a child with difficulties or neuro diversity almost always behaves worse in its most secure environment. This is why so many ND kids slip through the net as medical professionals listen to schools more than parents.
I had it with my Aspergers child who wasn't diagnosed till 15. By that time his mental health was shot.
My ADHD child referral was pinged until school got involved. She wasn't even in school when the referral was done.[/quote]
@Tynetime It is widely known that all children behave worse at home than at school or anywhere else where the scrutiny is worse. The fact the child behaves better with his father who loves him and gives him structure is proof that children play parents and know what they can get away with according to what parent.

Migrainesbythedozen · 23/02/2022 09:50

@OhWhyNot

For some parents it’s easier to give in

He may be angry, hurt etc but that doesn’t excuse bad behaviour

Down children need firmer boundaries than others some are more challenging

Does she call him spirited. I have heard this used on a number of occasions when a child is allowed to get away with bad behaviour because to challenge their behaviour is too much like hard work

Exactly.
sqirrelfriends · 23/02/2022 10:24

Of course you don't need to have him in your house.

I feel bad for him though, there must be something going on to cause this behaviour. If your friend isn't willing to investigate it then she's doing him a huge disservice.

Underhisi · 23/02/2022 10:54

Migrainesbythedozen I am 100% certain that your understanding of children with behavioural difficulties is less than mine.

My advice is that the mother finds the Yvonne Newbold Facebook group where she will find knowledgeable experienced parents who can give her advice and access to information given by Yvonne who is an expert in this area.

Tynetime · 23/02/2022 11:27

Actually @Migrainesbythedozen my ADHD child's behaviour is worse at school as school places far more demand on her.

Tynetime · 23/02/2022 11:29

@Underhisi great advice re Yvonne Newbold. She really knows her stuff.

Underhisi · 23/02/2022 11:39

"It is widely known that all children behave worse at home than at school or anywhere else where the scrutiny is worse"

My son doesn't. There are far more incidents at school than at home because we can manage the environment better.

Or do you think it is because school are useless and don't know how to manage behaviour because that seems to your only understanding of why behaviours happen?

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