To think there’s a stigma attached to conceiving quickly?

Rosebuud · 19/02/2022 11:45

Why are you constantly sharing this? Seems odd.

FennecShandDoesEverything · 19/02/2022 11:47

How on earth do people even know what cycle you conceived in? Stop telling them.

Original poster

Piper90 · 19/02/2022 11:48

@Rosebuud I wouldn’t lie when asked

OP posts:

RunnerDuck2020 · 19/02/2022 11:48

Why are you telling people though?

GettingStuffed · 19/02/2022 11:49

Why tell them, I know I got pregnant easily as all 3 are "accidents" I only mention it if asked . Going around saying I got pregnant first cycle is boasting.

BaronessBomburst · 19/02/2022 11:49

Why do people even know how quickly you conceived? Stop sharing personal information.
And no, I don't think there's a stigma attached. What an odd idea.

marqueses · 19/02/2022 11:49

How would anyone know how long it took? Are you an oversharer? What an odd post

IsolaPribby · 19/02/2022 11:50

I don't understand why the OP is getting a hard time? If someone asks, should she be lying?

Borracha · 19/02/2022 11:51

I can’t ever imagine asking anyone how long it took them to fall pregnant. Just stop volunteering the information. Or if someone really does ask, you can say something vague like ‘we were lucky and it happened quickly’ and leave it at that.

Fwiw DC1 took nearly a year. DC was 2 months and DC3 was unplanned but I don’t think anyone apart from my doctor or midwife knows that.

GrendelsGrandma · 19/02/2022 11:51

I don't think I've ever discussed how long it took to conceive my children with anyone. Why would I? That's just talking about times you've had sex

Original poster

Piper90 · 19/02/2022 11:51

@GettingStuffed how is stating a fact boasting? This is exactly what I mean. I don’t just go around shouting that I conceived quickly, but if I did, why should I be perceived as boasting? It’s just a biological process over which I have no control over

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Pumperthepumper · 19/02/2022 11:52

I think it’s a bit of an odd thing to share too.

But there’s a stigma attached to loads of pregnancy things - don’t get pregnant too quickly or leave it too late, don’t be too young or too old, don’t only have one or more than two, don’t have two boys, don’t have two girls, don’t have twins, don’t have them too close together, don’t leave too big a gap - it’s endless. Names are a stigma, how you raise them too, their rooms size, too many toys, not enough toys, not enough of the RIGHT TYPE of toys (nasty, noisy plastic, scandi hand-carved wood fine but expensive, shouldn’t you spend that money on better things?) And so on. You won’t win.

Hasselhoffsheadband · 19/02/2022 11:52

Is this a thing, discussing which cycle you got pregnant in?

People probably know I got pregnant quite quickly as DD was born less than a year after we got married (although I could have stopped taking the pill before we got married, and also....I highly doubt people have given it that much thought!)

DH did joke about how quickly he got me pregnant to any of his mates that would listen but generally, I don't think anyone really cares!

glowingpink · 19/02/2022 11:52

We conceived first time both times. It's not something I talk about very often, but I know what you mean, occasionally this stuff does come up in conversation with people you know well (e.g. over dinner, not at the school gates...)

I'm not sure about a stigma but I suppose people who have struggled/are struggling to conceive might find it hard to hear? I just tend to play it down and say oh we got lucky.

To be honest I think everyone has their struggles anyway, other people have a more successful breastfeeding journey than I did for example. Some people have terrible births or painful pregnancies or newborns with reflux/colic. Conception is just one part of it all.

StepAwayFromGoogling · 19/02/2022 11:52

I don't think you mean the word stigma, OP. Of course there isn't a stigma. Odd thing to post.

Kbyodjs · 19/02/2022 11:54

I know what you mean; and for the people who ask why it’s being talked about - it is fairly commonly talked about in the mums I know mostly that they will talk about it taking a while for them or that they hoped for a smaller age gap between their children etc. When people talk about that I don’t mention that both my DCs were conceived quickly but people do ask and I obviously wouldn’t lie but it can feel awkward especially when I think people are seeking reassurance when it’s been a few months for them

Pumperthepumper · 19/02/2022 11:54

@StepAwayFromGoogling

I don't think you mean the word stigma, OP. Of course there isn't a stigma. Odd thing to post.

What’s wrong with stigma?

Chasingaftermidnight · 19/02/2022 11:54

No. But then it’s not something I have ever shared except with the closest of friends who are also people I know didn’t have any fertility problems. I’d never share that information with someone who I knew had struggled TTC.

BiscuitLover3678 · 19/02/2022 11:55

@Piper90

I’ve been in a couple of different social situations recently where I’ve been made to feel awkward/ guilty about having conceived our son during my first cycle. I actually felt as though I had to apologise to a friend recently, which prompted me to write this post and ask whether anyone else has experienced the same from others? I would never dream of thinking or commenting negatively on anyone else’s ttc journey, so am unsure why people think it’s appropriate to do so on mine. I’m going to have a think about how I could better respond in similar situations in future

This is quite odd op! I didn’t feel guilty but then I know how mixed it it. One friend took nearly a year, a few of us (including me!) were first month and another was 3 months. This time it’s taking us a while and I would be honest about that if anyone asked.

Just say I know I’m lucky, it just shows how anything can go. No need to feel guilty at all. Their second might be immediate. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster

Piper90 · 19/02/2022 11:56

My friends are constantly talking about planning families and ttc. It’s all ‘when did you know you wanted to start trying?’ ‘Did you do anything to increase your chances?’ ‘How long were you trying for?’ and so on. I just find it really awkward. I got pregnant quickly yes, but I had no control over that. I failed at breastfeeding and blame myself entirely for that as many of the reasons it didn’t work were because of me. I just don’t like being made to feel awkward/ ashamed for something that actual had zero to do with me

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marqueses · 19/02/2022 11:57

[quote Piper90]@Rosebuud I wouldn’t lie when asked[/quote]
So many people are asking you this that it's led to you noticing that some of them dont like your answer? Who are these people? Why is it a frequent topic of conversation?

BiscuitLover3678 · 19/02/2022 11:57

It’s weird to think there is a stigma. Most people are intelligent enough to know it just takes one time and some luck. Whenever they do get pregnant, it’ll also be that ‘one time’ which could’ve been their first time if they’d started that month. It’s not like each time you do it your body gets better at making one the next time.

allinadaystwerk · 19/02/2022 11:58

As someone who was fortunate to conceive easily, I tried to be sensitive, if asked (which was very rare), I'd just say spme thing like we weren't trying for long, or it happened quite quickly. I'd totally accept anyone ttc or having difficulty ttc being a bit off with me. It's heart wrencing and there but for grace and good fortune go I

BiscuitLover3678 · 19/02/2022 11:58

No one’s going “oh she’s awful she got pregnant straight away there must be something wrong with her”

Trust me, they’ll just be worrying about themselves.

Chely · 19/02/2022 11:59

It's a bit of a sore subject for some to talk about for many reasons. I felt bad announcing our latest pregnancy to my SIL as they'd been ttc for 2 years with no joy, BIL had another one the same year as us too. We conceive quickly but we've had miscarriages between most of our children so not an easy ride for us.