To think there’s a stigma attached to conceiving quickly?

[Piper90]

I’ve been in a couple of different social situations recently where I’ve been made to feel awkward/ guilty about having conceived our son during my first cycle. I actually felt as though I had to apologise to a friend recently, which prompted me to write this post and ask whether anyone else has experienced the same from others? I would never dream of thinking or commenting negatively on anyone else’s ttc journey, so am unsure why people think it’s appropriate to do so on mine. I’m going to have a think about how I could better respond in similar situations in future

I got pregnant fairly swiftly with DC1. All I ever said was "yes, we were very fortunate" when asked. Since though, less of a "journey" more a "jog through hell".

I don't think there's a stigma attached to conceiving swiftly.

I do think there are difficulties when the very lucky in their fertility who also have no awareness meet someone who is struggling to get pregnant and offer up the "oh he only had to look at me and I'm prego!" type comments. Which you obviously don't OP.

I have experienced this and have smiled benignly and nodded, because upsetting myself due to their inability to be considerate is pointless. I am very open about why has happened to me though and I'm far more likely to upset them with my story than they are me at this point.

@Catnipdelight

It's probably the same as when thin people make any kind of comment about being too busy to notice they'd skipped a meal; or if they tuck into a big burger without guilt.

Other people who have less perceived "luck" take it as bragging or boasting when really it's just biology. 🤷‍♀️

I don't think it's remotely the same... eating disorders run the spectrum from slim people who 'skip meals' to bigger people 'feeling guilty' over a big burger but BOTH are equal issues.

Neither is lucky for their relationship issues with food.

. I'm sorry you felt this way.

In general I believe we should stop commenting on other people's lives, especially with judgy attitude.

Just a question, is it possible your friend is experiencing problems conceiving? If so, maybe this conversation was triggering for her, but I dont know.

No there definitely isn’t a stigma to conceiving quickly. I am in my 50s and have experienced very many friends, relatives, colleagues going through pregnancy and I only recall one person ever telling me that she conceived quickly. She was a dry close friend and TTC for the first time at the age of 40 so obviously had some concerns and it was a relevant thing to say.

If you are going around telling everyone that you conceived quickly, I expect there could be some eye rolling, not because there is a stigma but because you are quite tiring and perhaps think you are something special because of it.

*very close not dry close

I think there is a stigma attached to it. I'm nearing the end of my pregnancy, and conceived on my first try (I'm truly blessed this is the case) but was very surprised as I know it can take a long time.

People asked if it was planned and my closer family and friends (a fair few of them surprisingly) HAVE asked how long it took me to conceive, then some got upset and shitty when I said one time because it took them a year or so or made me feel embarrassed, entitled and privileged because it was so quick.
Now I just say 'quicker than I expected when people ask as I got fed up of feeling shitty afterwards.
If someone asks (which alot of people do rightly or wrongly) it turns out your expected to lie or hide your quick journey as it feels like people went to hear you struggled like them.

I don’t think stigma is the right word, but the responses on this thread are a perfect example of what you’re talking about. People just don’t like hearing about others’ good fortune when it is an experience that can be so difficult or emotional for them. In a similar way, people are often cautious when talking about their child’s achievements, health, etc- you just don’t know what the other person has gone through.

That said, I had the same experience as you with conceiving, and I wish I’d heard more stories like yours beforehand. I was completely unprepared, not at all ready to be pregnant- I had in my head that it could take a year or more, so I started before I was ready.

I’d like it if everyone was more honest about the extreme range of experiences women can have, and how completely unpredictable it can be.