Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends pregnant and I’m not happy for her

285 replies

wanttobeehappy · 18/02/2022 22:38

I know IABU but I need somewhere to vent I guess.

We’ve been TTC properly for 7 months, POS constantly to track ovulation, DTD on all the right days etc.

Friend decided three weeks ago to TTC, and today announced she’s pregnant.

I feel awful but I’m not happy for her. I feel consumed by jealousy. Every month I am so disappointed and it feels so unfair 😞 I want to be happy for her but I’m getting intrusive thoughts and I hate it. I just feel like it should be my turn.

What can I do to get past this and be happy for my lovely friend?

OP posts:
BearOfEasttown · 18/02/2022 22:47

Of COURSE YANBU. It's perfectly normal and acceptable to feel as you do.

I hope you manage to conceive soon. Flowers

BearOfEasttown · 18/02/2022 22:47

Oh and so try and be supportive, and don't show your disappointment of course! Flowers

Phrenologistsfinger · 18/02/2022 22:49

She’s very annoying, YANBU.

Jumpingintomenopause · 18/02/2022 22:49

You are allowed to have your feelings and she is allowed to have her joy. Be happy for your friend, she hasn’t done this to upset you. Flowers

WheelieBinPrincess · 18/02/2022 22:51

Blimey, she’s sharing that early Shock

BobbinHood · 18/02/2022 22:52

Did she really decide to start TTC 3 weeks ago and now she’s told you when she’s 2 minutes pregnant? Or did they start trying earlier and she told you that they were trying because she knew she was already pregnant?

It’s hard and you can’t help the way you feel but 7 months isn’t really that long.

Original poster
wanttobeehappy · 18/02/2022 22:55

No definitely only just started, she’s a v close friend and has told me everything along the way. I’m a very private person and she does not know my situation

OP posts:
PurplePansy05 · 18/02/2022 22:56

Friend decided three weeks ago to TTC, and today announced she’s pregnant.

Really? She decided three weeks ago and she's already announcing her pregnancy? That's...very quick.

Perhaps there's a back story there that you don't know about, OP.

Or maybe there isn't. Pregnancies are very much a matter of luck. Announcements are hard to deal with as I've learnt having had three MCs in a row and in the 2.5 years every tom, dick and harry seemed to have got pregnant and had babies. But it's not their fault things worked for them and not your fault it hasn't been the same for you. In the nicest possible way, whilst not easy, 7 months isn't an unusually long TTC period. Unfortunately many of us need bigger boots for TTC and pregnancy than the very lucky minority.

GreenClock · 18/02/2022 22:56

I’d feel the same OP. I’d feign delight and interest, and wish her a healthy pregnancy (this bit would be genuine, of course) but I’d be envious.

Good luck with ttc.

Pumpfive · 18/02/2022 22:57

You never know, they could have been trying for a while. I tell my best friend pretty much everything in my life but there's still things I'd white lie about.

Ozanj · 18/02/2022 23:05

Dsis, and both my sils got pregnant on the first try with 2 babies while I was going through infertility treatments for 10 years. It happens and yet according to my counseller and ivf consultant from a population perspective conceiving at the first attempt is still more common than female infertility.

Just take a deep breath. Remind yourself that most women (a whopping 80%) get pregnant naturally within 2 years of ttc and just focus on conceiving your baby for now. If you would feel better to have a fertility check up then book yourself in at a fertility clinic or ask your GP if you qualify for an NHS referral.

BurbageBrook · 18/02/2022 23:06

We all have unkind and unfair thoughts sometimes. It’s not reasonable and you’d be unwise to share it verbally but it’s understandable to feel envious. Try to be happy for her though.

Really18 · 18/02/2022 23:06

TTC can be hard emotionally. It look me 7 years to have my first LO. I had years of treatments and IVF. In that time some of the thoughts I had were horrible. I was so jealous and angry. I found that acupuncture and guided meditation was very helpful through my journey. It helped me feel more centred and gave me time to relax. Try to be kind to yourself OP.

Enough4me · 18/02/2022 23:12

It's tough when you want it to be you. You see other pregnant women and babies, but don't have a crystal ball and know what the future holds for you. One thing that kept me sane was remembering that I didn't actually want their pregnancy or baby, I wanted mine. If that mean waiting longer so be it.

Original poster
wanttobeehappy · 18/02/2022 23:15

I feel in a bit of a nomansland tbh. I don’t think the GP will be interested yet as I think you have to be TTC 12 months or more but it feels like it’s been so long already. If we want to go private what tests should I be trying to get?

My cycles are very normal and periods very normal.

Also re my friend I’ve known her pretty much my whole life, we are very best friends and she’s always been an extremely open person with me and tells me everything as soon as it happens. There’s no history and I know she’s being honest about this. And she’s the most lovely friend and is just one of those sunny people who things always go well for and I don’t begrudge her that I just feel just angry at my body and like it’s failing me.

OP posts:
Youdoyoutoday · 18/02/2022 23:18

She's sharing that she's pregnant already after "ttc for 3 weeks"?????

Jesus Christ, you've got a competitive pain in the arse there!!

Smile politely and let them crack on and slowly disengage. This person will not make life easy for you going forward.

Out of interest, how long have you been friends?

Youdoyoutoday · 18/02/2022 23:19

Cross posts.

Good luck OP. 👍

Juniper68 · 18/02/2022 23:23

YANBU for feeling envious that's natural.

Best wishes and hopefully it's your turn very soon Flowers

WheelieBinPrincess · 18/02/2022 23:24

This will sound awful and I don’t mean it to come across like that- but just because she got pregnant easily it doesn’t mean she’ll have an easy ride. It’s very early still. I was also very excited to be pregnant on the first try- but I miscarried early on (have since gone on to have a baby)

Original poster
wanttobeehappy · 18/02/2022 23:24

youdoyou she’s definitely not trying to be competitive, she’s just excited. And she doesn’t know I’ve been trying. She would have been more sensitive had she known.

OP posts:
boyblue · 18/02/2022 23:24

Don't assume she's been honest.Almost everyone I know who had trouble getting pregnant pretended otherwise to even close mates

dreamersdown · 18/02/2022 23:25

Totally normal for you to feel like this.

The idea that’s helped me through infertility is the idea that there isn’t a quota of babies - that her having a baby doesn’t mean you don’t get one. (Yes it makes it harder - but she’s having a baby you were never going to get).

Sending love and best luck. I knew in my gut by 6 months trying that someone just wasn’t right. Went to the GP, said it had been a year and got tests and started the (long, protracted) process that led us to our IVF baby. It’s never too early to get informed on your status.

ScrumptiousBears · 18/02/2022 23:25

How old are you OP? I struggled to conceive and after about 6 months the GP referred us and I was 38.

Original poster
wanttobeehappy · 18/02/2022 23:26

I certainly hope she doesnt miscarry! I want it all to go well for her. I just can’t think about it without crying and being so jealous

OP posts:
Fayekrista · 18/02/2022 23:27

@Phrenologistsfinger

She’s very annoying, YANBU.
Shes annoying!? Wtf?!
Swipe left for the next trending thread