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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends pregnant and I’m not happy for her

285 replies

wanttobeehappy · 18/02/2022 22:38

I know IABU but I need somewhere to vent I guess.

We’ve been TTC properly for 7 months, POS constantly to track ovulation, DTD on all the right days etc.

Friend decided three weeks ago to TTC, and today announced she’s pregnant.

I feel awful but I’m not happy for her. I feel consumed by jealousy. Every month I am so disappointed and it feels so unfair 😞 I want to be happy for her but I’m getting intrusive thoughts and I hate it. I just feel like it should be my turn.

What can I do to get past this and be happy for my lovely friend?

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Original poster
wanttobeehappy · 18/02/2022 23:27

boyblue no really I KNOW she’s being honest

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WheelieBinPrincess · 18/02/2022 23:28

@wanttobeehappy

I certainly hope she doesnt miscarry! I want it all to go well for her. I just can’t think about it without crying and being so jealous
All I’m saying is you think she’s found it easy to get pregnant and perhaps she has, but that doesn’t mean it’s all easy and plain sailing from there.
Original poster
wanttobeehappy · 18/02/2022 23:28

dreamers that quota thing is a nice way to think about it thank you

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Original poster
wanttobeehappy · 18/02/2022 23:30

scrumptious I’m 32 nearly 33, I’m panicking I’ve left it too late and it’s all my fault Sad

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Original poster
wanttobeehappy · 18/02/2022 23:30

wheelie sorry yes I wasn’t suggesting that I just mean I still want everything to go as well as it can for her I’m just really struggling

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SleepingStandingUp · 18/02/2022 23:31

I feel you OP. We were ttc, friend messages me to announce him and his "friend" had accidentally ended up pregnant. We were still ttc when I held his daughter for the first time.
Its OK to be sad, scream and rage and let it out wherever its safe to do so.

Youdoyoutoday · 18/02/2022 23:31

So why haven't you shared that with your best friend?

But even sharing a positive pregnancy test after 3 weeks is so early, its cringeworthy. I don't say that to be mean, I say it from experience of having lost a few early pregnancies.

Oh dear, I wish you and her the best. Keep trying OP and try to relax. X

Phrenologistsfinger · 18/02/2022 23:33

@Fayekrista yes! When you’ve lost ten pregnancies in 14 months and then failed at IVF, all the fertile unicorn women are fecking annoying. No apologies!Angry

SleepingStandingUp · 18/02/2022 23:34

@wanttobeehappy have you used ovulation sticks to see if you are ovulating? , if you're going private, first thing I'd do is male sperm test. It's the first thing the NHS will do as it's so straightforward and non invasive.

Original poster
wanttobeehappy · 18/02/2022 23:34

@SleepingStandingUp

I feel you OP. We were ttc, friend messages me to announce him and his "friend" had accidentally ended up pregnant. We were still ttc when I held his daughter for the first time. Its OK to be sad, scream and rage and let it out wherever its safe to do so.
Thank you I think acknowledging that it’s okay to feel this way is helpful.

I was pretty inconsolable once I got home and DP was trying to say the right things but he doesn’t understand how disappointed and angry at my body I feel every month. I’m on my period too right now so was just a couple of days ago hoping this month could be the one

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WheelieBinPrincess · 18/02/2022 23:34

@wanttobeehappy

scrumptious I’m 32 nearly 33, I’m panicking I’ve left it too late and it’s all my fault Sad
God no!!! You definitely haven’t left it too late, why do you think that?! That’s really young in my circle of friends with babies.
Original poster
wanttobeehappy · 18/02/2022 23:35

[quote Phrenologistsfinger]@Fayekrista yes! When you’ve lost ten pregnancies in 14 months and then failed at IVF, all the fertile unicorn women are fecking annoying. No apologies!Angry[/quote]
Fertile unicorn women Grin

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Yearofthetygerburningbright · 18/02/2022 23:36

I have never come across this personally. Women getting pregnant without trying particularly hard, or long, to do so, is completely normal. As is taking some months to conceive. Your jealousy, at such an early stage of your own TTC journey, seems a little OTT to me. But you are of course entitled to feel this way and be kind to yourself while you work through it, as we all feel many emotions and some of them don't seem reasonable to us or anyone else Smile. If the jealousy doesn't go within a few weeks perhaps you need to talk to someone about it though?

Original poster
wanttobeehappy · 18/02/2022 23:36

Yes I use the clear blue digital ones with the smiley faces. I’ll book him in for that, seems it’s only £150 ish. If that comes back okay what are they key ones for me? I’ve been Googling but it’s all a bit confusing and a lot of clinics seem to jump straight to IVF?!

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SleepingStandingUp · 18/02/2022 23:37

That's even more shit re timing. My friend announced her pregnancy on FB. She knew I was ttc, we'd joked about mat leave together. She didn't tell me directly because she didn't know how. I opened the post at a meal and went into he toilet to cry then returned to the table like nothing had happened. Incidentally there's 12 months between our boys, and I think about similar with the other friend. He joked holding his new baby had passed on the baby dust so I must have concieved shortly after her birth.

Original poster
wanttobeehappy · 18/02/2022 23:38

wheelie I started reading about declining fertility with age etc and wish I hadn’t looked into it now

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MrsBDefinitely · 18/02/2022 23:38

I have been there a thousand times over and it’s the most horrible feeling.

All I can say is if she’s only just announced it today there’s still the shock/surprise of it. It’s totally normal and does not make you a bad person.

I found after a week or so of having time to “digest” the idea it wasn’t so bad.

It’s really ducking annoying, I feel for you.

We had lots of ttc issues and losses and even after having a baby I have found that feeling still doesn’t quite go away, but you do learn that it doesn’t last forever ❤️

Phrenologistsfinger · 18/02/2022 23:38

@wanttobeehappy Wink you’re early days yet, you may be fine. I’m in the bitter 2years + ttc aged donkey crew. You’re still in the unicorn-prancing pony transition phase. Good luck Flowers

SleepingStandingUp · 18/02/2022 23:39

@wanttobeehappy

Yes I use the clear blue digital ones with the smiley faces. I’ll book him in for that, seems it’s only £150 ish. If that comes back okay what are they key ones for me? I’ve been Googling but it’s all a bit confusing and a lot of clinics seem to jump straight to IVF?!
I did NHS but I have Pcos and don't ovulate so it was fairly simple for the first fix. If he's fine, I guess you'd want scans to check out the health of your ovaries, egg supply etc. Also when I saw the GP about ttc I erm added 6 months onto how long we'd been trying. But I knew I had Pcos and so, yeah.
Yearofthetygerburningbright · 18/02/2022 23:39

Just want to add that I take a different view for those who have had great difficulties long-term in conceiving and gestating a baby, just not within the first 7 months of trying, that is what I think is a bit worrisome and OTT and might need counselling but only if the feeling sticks around too much, not just if it is transient hidden jealousy, we all get that from time to time I think over many things?

WheelieBinPrincess · 18/02/2022 23:39

@wanttobeehappy

wheelie I started reading about declining fertility with age etc and wish I hadn’t looked into it now
Well it’s a bloody shame there’s so much scaremongering out there, then.
Original poster
wanttobeehappy · 18/02/2022 23:40

phren sending you lots of luck 🍀

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Ginger1982 · 18/02/2022 23:40

Just go to your GO and say you've been trying for 12 months or more. Ask for a referral. If you want to go private, Google facilities near you and see if they have an open nights (might still be virtual) and take it from there.

I feel your pain having had an IVF pregnancy and multiple failed rounds following it whereas friends have very easily conceived one, two, three etc...

themental · 18/02/2022 23:42

Also re my friend I’ve known her pretty much my whole life, we are very best friends

Going against the grain apparently but it would have felt shit to think my very best friend who I'd known my whole life wasn't happy for me about something I was really happy about.

Some of the responses are quite horrible to be honest.

She's sharing that she's pregnant already after "ttc for 3 weeks"?????

Jesus Christ, you've got a competitive pain in the arse there!!

Same thing happened to me both times and I told my SIL (my best friend) the day I tested positive. It genuinely wouldn't have occurred to me that doing so would be seen as competitive pain in the arse behaviour... Confused SINCE WHEN is getting pregnant a competition? This has the same sneery tone as breast / formula shaming.

Hope you get a BFP soon OP.

Original poster
wanttobeehappy · 18/02/2022 23:42

I think it’s more that I feel in my gut that there’s something wrong and it’s not going to work for us. Maybe I will try GP too

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