Friends pregnant and I’m not happy for her

[wanttobeehappy]

I know IABU but I need somewhere to vent I guess.

We’ve been TTC properly for 7 months, POS constantly to track ovulation, DTD on all the right days etc.

Friend decided three weeks ago to TTC, and today announced she’s pregnant.

I feel awful but I’m not happy for her. I feel consumed by jealousy. Every month I am so disappointed and it feels so unfair 😞 I want to be happy for her but I’m getting intrusive thoughts and I hate it. I just feel like it should be my turn.

What can I do to get past this and be happy for my lovely friend?

@wanttobeehappy. A bit late adding to this post but I wanted to add that I also had that feeling something was wrong. I put it down to increasing anxiety and stress now. I did the same as you tracked ovulation and nothing. I fell pregnant after 11 months of trying. The dates in the end made no sense, I must have fallen pregnant in the first days of my cycle. It was around Xmas and I had decided to take the month off try to think less about it, eat drink and be merry.
So please don’t be sure something is wrong, it can take a little time and doesn’t always work out according to the ovulation schedule. I was the same age as you too.
As for the rest of it that awful, jealous, heart wrenching feeling is sadly totally normal.

Good luck x

I know exactly how you feel even though we never had a problem conceiving but lost 5 babies in 4 years and it's so hard to pick yourself up an move on from it when other close camily members or friends are pregnant it took up about 8 months to get pregnant eith this baby I am 28 weeks i know its so hard but your only true 7 months that's not long and I will happen when you least expect it its so hard to see pregnant people but it will happen just relax and enjoy trying till then and if your still worried by may then go to your GP xx

You're not being unreasonable - you're just human.

I feel unreasonable when I'm jealous of my friends who keep on about their grandchildren - one even WhatsApped me a photo of her latest great-grandchild's scan with his heart beating, I did tell her to please stop!

Thousands of £££ on IVF, lost twins at 22 weeks (would be 5 now) and nearly lost my dear DIL I'll never be a Grandma.
( the last bit is 'off subject' I know but I just wanted to tell you that I do understand and why - sending you HUGS xx)

You're hurting, and I hate to say "But" - but there is time for you, carry on trying and try and be happy for your friend

YANBU
It took 7 years of miscarriage and heartache to conceive DD but then only one month for DS.
It will happen but completely understand how you feel. I was insanely upset every time I heard pregnancy news. I couldn’t even be around pregnant DSIL without crying. It was embarrassing and awful.

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for the support. I understand I can’t be in control of it happening or not but I’m a proactive person who needs to be busy so it will make me feel
Much less anxious if I’m ‘doing’ something to help. Husband is booked for semen analysis next week and I’m going to have an initial telephone consultation once we have his results back (his only takes 24h and is £150 so thought best to just do that first).

I am so pleased to hear all the success stories and also sending lots of love to those who have had really awful journeys to get there.

@Pinkfluff76

Sorry OP. Completely understand and normal to feel the way you do. Look into a keto / low carb diet for increasing fertility. Good luck!

Oh for fuck's sake. This kind of pig-ignorant shite is unkind and unhelpful.

Carbohydrate consumption and fertility are not linked!

WHY would you want to give medically unsound, unevidenced advice? Wind your neck in.

@Crimesean Actually it appears there are links between high carb diets and infertility. I am having a nightmare with my phone and can't link but a Google will come up with Diabetes UK article on a study.Whether or not this is helpful or unkind to the OP is a different matter, but in case the OP does wish to look into it further, I feel I do need to say the other poster isn't incorrect in their advice

[quote Gingerbreadman1972]@Crimesean Actually it appears there are links between high carb diets and infertility. I am having a nightmare with my phone and can't link but a Google will come up with Diabetes UK article on a study.Whether or not this is helpful or unkind to the OP is a different matter, but in case the OP does wish to look into it further, I feel I do need to say the other poster isn't incorrect in their advice[/quote]
Eh, that study relates to diabetics. Most people are not diabetic.

Don't pretend that issues for people with a specific medical condition are universal.

I can understand why you're feeling this way and I'm sorry to say you're not alone. It's this weird feeling of trying to be happy for them, but intrusive thoughts come "why not me?". I would recommend building a support system, therapy can help deal with ttc trauma.

@IsabelHerna

I can understand why you're feeling this way and I'm sorry to say you're not alone. It's this weird feeling of trying to be happy for them, but intrusive thoughts come "why not me?". I would recommend building a support system, therapy can help deal with ttc trauma.

Exactly. I know I AM happy for her. I’m an intelligent, reasonable, heavily logical person. I AM happy for her SO happy for her. But then a second voice creeps in and says why her, why not me? And tries to overrule my initial feelings