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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Anxiety about anon Flower delivery

206 replies

crazymomma93 · 18/02/2022 18:16

Long time reader, first time poster.
I suppose the AIBU is for feeling anxious and not just greatful. Little back story. Ive been with DP for almost 11 years, wedding booked this year, 2 kids and a business together.
This last week has been horrendous he has been in a vile mood and I've no clue why, I'm assuming finances, as atm we both have alot more outgoing than incoming. Neither of us can get out of this hole we are both in and the wedding is just adding to that. Every day this week I've been going to work with such a tight chest through anxiety. This week I have not been my normal self in the sense, usually when he is out of character I dont stop until I get to the bottom of what is wrong. I will hound him until i find whats wrong. There has been no arguments as such but there is an atmosphere. I haven't had the energy to find what is wrong with him, so I've said ok and left him for work, bed, different room. I have depression and nothing left in me for bad energy and atmospheres.

Today I come home to an anonymous bunch of flowers 😳 I have never been sent flowers before in my life, they are beautiful from M&S with 2 packs of percys. He is due home any minute and Im just waiting for 💩 to hit the fan.

Give me a reasonable reason? Ive asked him it was a sharp no, Ive asked Mum, brother, manager at work. All nope, Im out of ideas. He is most definitely going to assume I have another man, by how I have been leaving him in his moods this week and now random flowers. 💩💩💩💩

OP posts:
TurkeyRoastvBubbleandSqueek · 19/02/2022 01:18

@tolerable

Dunno how anybody else uses aibu..i generally,read-if have insta opinion i respond(generally followed with comments like,are you drunk,i cant understand you-and me having to declare..im.."affected") ..this time..i ..kinda guessed the ltb ish likelyhood/so scrolled for the green box updates...... still got that...oh shit ,no ...feeling. Probably - its been said; the "fear" you spoke of seems to be..his reaction.ie..not anxiety that you manifest for fk all...you said,..mr sweetooth wouldnt eat your "fancy mans sweets" you said that./also//you know him(clearly willing to tolerate/excuse//to be honest..wasnt that impressed with your usually hound til get bottom of it........am not in a position to judge anyone...im not post aibu tho..you did.like it or not.. im easy bout go ahead wedding or not(cos lookin in from way outside)finances,obv a stresser,again..am outside...you said..youze have kids.Thats the fook up for me.;.. and..kingpin eatin sweets you said he wouldnt.....
*@tolerable* WHAT?
cestmoi123 · 19/02/2022 01:42

He ate your Percy Pigs??

LTB Angry

AllTheColoursOfGerberas · 19/02/2022 01:54

@tolerable

Dunno how anybody else uses aibu..i generally,read-if have insta opinion i respond(generally followed with comments like,are you drunk,i cant understand you-and me having to declare..im.."affected") ..this time..i ..kinda guessed the ltb ish likelyhood/so scrolled for the green box updates...... still got that...oh shit ,no ...feeling. Probably - its been said; the "fear" you spoke of seems to be..his reaction.ie..not anxiety that you manifest for fk all...you said,..mr sweetooth wouldnt eat your "fancy mans sweets" you said that./also//you know him(clearly willing to tolerate/excuse//to be honest..wasnt that impressed with your usually hound til get bottom of it........am not in a position to judge anyone...im not post aibu tho..you did.like it or not.. im easy bout go ahead wedding or not(cos lookin in from way outside)finances,obv a stresser,again..am outside...you said..youze have kids.Thats the fook up for me.;.. and..kingpin eatin sweets you said he wouldnt.....
Eh??
BeckonCall · 19/02/2022 02:09

It's awful that he ate the Percy Pigs without asking you, TBH. I'm serious.

I don't think you should marry a man who makes you feel scared.

tolerable · 19/02/2022 03:09

@AllTheColoursOfGerberas*...*@TurkeyRoastvBubbleandSqueek..cheers..exactly that...

Italiangreyhound · 19/02/2022 03:24

I never knew about Random Acts of Kindness Day.

I hope all will be well OP.

Thanks
Joystir59 · 19/02/2022 06:13

Its such a shame that such loverly flowers, are making my arse go like the clappers
Classic. Sorry! Grin

TurkeyRoastvBubbleandSqueek · 19/02/2022 07:16

[quote tolerable]**@AllTheColoursOfGerberas...@TurkeyRoastvBubbleandSqueek..cheers..exactly that...[/quote]
😂😂😂

girlmom21 · 19/02/2022 07:42

I also think you should think twice about marrying a man who you're so scared of and who's in more financial trouble than you knew about...

BigFatLiar · 19/02/2022 07:48

I do love him, he is not amd has never been a nasty man

From what you've said about yourself it sounds as if your fear may be unwarranted and irrational. Perhaps you could get some help to put your fears to bed otherwise with the aid of mumsnet you may allow your fears to destroy your relationship. Mumsnetters immediately jump to the 'he's a beast leave him' without addressing source of the fear. If the fear comes from your own internal problems LTB doesn't help it just isolates you from someone who could help.

daisychain01 · 19/02/2022 08:20

Don't fall into the sink cost fallacy on this one, OP. Sadly I think you will, you believe you're too far down the road to put a halt to the wedding plans and the investment you've already made in the relationship. Think why you started this thread, follow your instincts, don't ignore your inner voice and make excuses for him.

Look at the facts, look at his behaviour not just the"good bits" but how he makes you feel - on edge, nervous and unsure. This is before you've even got married!

1forward2back · 19/02/2022 08:24

This happened to me once and I was begging the company to tell me who it was and they aren’t allowed due to data protection. They were also sent to my work so everyone was asking! I never found out and it still bugs me!

QuantumHypothesis · 19/02/2022 08:29

@Cakequeen1988

I’m concerned that you seem concerned about his reaction. I think you need to consider why this is.

Anyone else would be confused and bemused when the likely candidates of mine, sister, partner had been removed. You shouldn’t be worried.

Perhaps call M and S. the card my have been missed out in error.

Either way do not be made to feel a bit guilty about receiving the flowers

I know you say you’ve cleared the air, but the fact that you were scared of his potential reaction is not good. Are you sure about marrying him?
Marvellousmadness · 19/02/2022 08:34

Dont marry this man
You will end up regretting it. Big time

EllaB22 · 19/02/2022 09:49

You are on eggshells until he comes home and you read his vibe and 'clear the air'. Things are ok so you can relax and keep up the pretense that you are happy.

Until the next thing that he 'may' be unhappy with. Then the tension starts again. And the eggshells. And talk of your 'fancy man' (clearly for you to use this phrase he has previously used it).

Its a horrible awful cycle and a stressful way to live. Is this really what you want?

RampantIvy · 19/02/2022 09:51

I take back my earlier post. Please don't marry a man you have to tread on eggshells around.

BigFatLiar · 19/02/2022 10:20

I'll go with the others - don't get married.
Sounds like you're going through a tough time just now and the wedding is just stretching it even further. Anxiety and fear isn't rational and it sounds as if that's starting to consume you. All you've said indicates more that its your fears rather than him that's the problem, work on that. I'd add from your opening post...
I will hound him until i find whats wrong
words are all we have to express ourselves and saying that you hound him makes you sound like a bully, I'm sure you're not.
Until you can control your fear and anxiety don't push the relationship.

liveforsummer · 19/02/2022 10:31

@tolerable

Dunno how anybody else uses aibu..i generally,read-if have insta opinion i respond(generally followed with comments like,are you drunk,i cant understand you-and me having to declare..im.."affected") ..this time..i ..kinda guessed the ltb ish likelyhood/so scrolled for the green box updates...... still got that...oh shit ,no ...feeling. Probably - its been said; the "fear" you spoke of seems to be..his reaction.ie..not anxiety that you manifest for fk all...you said,..mr sweetooth wouldnt eat your "fancy mans sweets" you said that./also//you know him(clearly willing to tolerate/excuse//to be honest..wasnt that impressed with your usually hound til get bottom of it........am not in a position to judge anyone...im not post aibu tho..you did.like it or not.. im easy bout go ahead wedding or not(cos lookin in from way outside)finances,obv a stresser,again..am outside...you said..youze have kids.Thats the fook up for me.;.. and..kingpin eatin sweets you said he wouldnt.....
I can see why people respond like that if all your posts are this hard to follow 😆
liveforsummer · 19/02/2022 10:32

[quote CobraChicken]@crazymomma93

Have you checked underneath the address label yet?? Grin[/quote]
Also this 😆

TheVolturi · 19/02/2022 10:33

Please update 😂

SallyWD · 19/02/2022 10:42

M and S often seem to deliver without the card. It happened to me. Are you on Facebook? I posted a photo of my flowers and asked if anyone had sent them and one of my friends said it was her and there should have been a card! I find it worrying that you were so scared of his reaction and said the shit will hit the fan. Seriously?! When it happened to me my DP wasn't angry or suspicious. I wasn't scared of his reaction.

Zillamop · 19/02/2022 10:46

Email M&S and say the message card/delivery note/sender's name were missing and could they email you a copy?

Redglitter · 19/02/2022 11:22

generally followed with comments like,are you drunk,i cant understand you

The irony 😂

Squashfordinner · 19/02/2022 11:32

Why would he think you having an affair? It could be more likely from a friend? Not sure you should be marrying this guy if he's so jumpy about these things.

My husband and I don't do flowers for each other but I do send flowers to friends more often and they do the same for me.

OhJesusEffingChrist · 19/02/2022 11:40

@Redglitter

generally followed with comments like,are you drunk,i cant understand you

The irony 😂

🤭🤣