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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Anxiety about anon Flower delivery

206 replies

crazymomma93 · 18/02/2022 18:16

Long time reader, first time poster.
I suppose the AIBU is for feeling anxious and not just greatful. Little back story. Ive been with DP for almost 11 years, wedding booked this year, 2 kids and a business together.
This last week has been horrendous he has been in a vile mood and I've no clue why, I'm assuming finances, as atm we both have alot more outgoing than incoming. Neither of us can get out of this hole we are both in and the wedding is just adding to that. Every day this week I've been going to work with such a tight chest through anxiety. This week I have not been my normal self in the sense, usually when he is out of character I dont stop until I get to the bottom of what is wrong. I will hound him until i find whats wrong. There has been no arguments as such but there is an atmosphere. I haven't had the energy to find what is wrong with him, so I've said ok and left him for work, bed, different room. I have depression and nothing left in me for bad energy and atmospheres.

Today I come home to an anonymous bunch of flowers 😳 I have never been sent flowers before in my life, they are beautiful from M&S with 2 packs of percys. He is due home any minute and Im just waiting for 💩 to hit the fan.

Give me a reasonable reason? Ive asked him it was a sharp no, Ive asked Mum, brother, manager at work. All nope, Im out of ideas. He is most definitely going to assume I have another man, by how I have been leaving him in his moods this week and now random flowers. 💩💩💩💩

OP posts:
poTAYtoes · 18/02/2022 21:39

Sorry, but I agree with everyone saying you shouldn't marry a man if you're literally afraid of his reaction when you receive a mysterious bunch of flowers. That's not normal! It sounds like you're avoiding him, anyway, because of his other horrible traits. I know you have a life together, with the kids and the business and years of history, but you shouldn't be afraid of the man you marry.

TwoBigNoisyBoys · 18/02/2022 21:46

I had flowers delivered from M&S last year after having a cancer diagnosis and couldn’t find the card, even when tearing the packaging apart! I eventually got a text early evening from my boss gently asking if I’d had any deliveries that day? I had to apologise for not thanking her and my workmates and explain there was no card so I didn’t know who they were from. Why do they put it under the address label?! So annoying!

Mummapenguin20 · 18/02/2022 21:52

Hope your ok

whynotwhatknot · 18/02/2022 22:00

Its not about who its from its your anxiety at the thought your partner will go mad thats the problem

Marcipex · 18/02/2022 22:01

Ring M&S customer service . They are totally crap.

I ordered flowers for an elderly friend’s birthday. She got a delivery of flowers, but with a In Sympathy For Your Loss type message. She was so upset, her birthday was spoilt.

I rang them and got an unwilling verbal apology…but I can’t give that to my friend.

gonewiththegin · 18/02/2022 22:05

OP is it possible he has sent them- they may have been meant for someone else and he has not changed default delivery address. It seems very odd he is now avoiding coming home if he knew nothing about them.

I will echo PP and say its very worrying you are scared of his reaction.

itsgoodtobehome · 18/02/2022 22:09

My DH would find this hilarious and promptly scoff all the Percy Pigs whilst thanking the secret admirer. The fact that this makes you scared speaks volumes, and you definitely shouldn't marry this man.

Chilledchablis1 · 18/02/2022 22:16

I have been ill and received flowers from friends but only discovered the card under the address label !

FlasherMcGruff · 18/02/2022 22:19

This exact situation happened to my colleague a few years ago and her partner denied all knowledge of it. Later turned out to be him testing her. It was anonymous because he wanted to see if she had any idea who it could be. So, if he’s also in a foul mood with you, don’t rule that out.

I certainly would put the wedding plans on hold, btw, if he has vile moods lasting a week and refuses to communicate on the issue.

Jjjayfee · 18/02/2022 22:22

Yesterday was Random Act of Kindness day

Original poster
crazymomma93 · 18/02/2022 22:28

So trying to catch up with comments. We have managed to have a good talk and clear the air. It turns out he is in a very bad state himself due to finances.
Bit more info, We have been engaged 8 years. we finally thought we was in a position to afford a wedding. All booked and deposits paid but finances, as they can, took a drastic turn. Business has been slow, prices increasing and basically we've ended up with more outgoings than incoming. The wedding itself is in the 5k region. My mum has already paid for my dress, brother the photographer and MIL the cake. We have paid around 1k off ourselves but still have a way to go. I have just asked DP if we should carry on and we have spoke and decided to sort a way through together. I do love him, he is not amd has never been a nasty man. He just doesn't express his emotions very well and sometimes it creates atmospheres. Because I am struggling myself atm, it has been unbearable this week 😫. But the air is now clear, HE HAS EATEN MY PIGS, the flowers are in a vase still confusing the life out of me. I am a loner in life (not because of DP, I have momma issues and "friends" stabbing me means I have trust issues in other "friends"). If I find out I will update! Thank you for the comments, although not so much the extreme ones.

OP posts:
BigFatLiar · 18/02/2022 22:31

@ExtraOnion

You get flowers, you don’t know who they are from .. and the first thing his mind would jump to is that you have another man? Doesn’t think much of you does he?
Perhaps he's a MumsNetter, lets face it if a random gift (usually associated with romance) had arrived for a man its what we'd all be saying.
pastabest · 18/02/2022 22:31

Have you checked under the address label yet?

Sounds like the answer may lie there.

Dottychickens · 18/02/2022 22:32

Yesterday was random acts of kindness day, I wonder if m&s have sent some to random customers? Do you have an account with them?

RampantIvy · 18/02/2022 22:35

Could you just scale back the wedding and have a cheaper one?

GinOnTheRocks · 18/02/2022 22:37

My daughter got some flowers from M&S a few days ago and the senders message was on the back of the address label that was stuck onto the outside of the box. Might be worth a try if you still have the box.
I hope you are ok. You really shouldn’t have to live in fear of the person you are due to marry

AllyBee990 · 18/02/2022 22:57

Op, M&S delivered my mum's workplace some free flowers yesterday for random acts of kindness. Others too by the looks of things on twitter, lots of small businesses as well... could this be it? X

Yearofthetygerburningbright · 18/02/2022 23:00

Could be from someone in your circle (family, friends, neighbour) who DOES shop at M&S or just searched for internet flowers and this one happened to be from M&S and with Percys.

Or from a stalker.

Or from your boss or a grateful client.

If your husband starts being an arse about it when you are flummoxed, and automatically assumed you are cheating, then you have a husband problem.

If he can be reasonable, laugh about it, help you track down who sent it, but be genuinely concerned just in case it IS a stalker, then your husband is a keeper.

If there is a lot more to this, and he's been a problem husband for a while, perhaps he sent them in order to stage a reason for having a go at you, leaving you etc. i.e. he's the one having an affair. It's elaborate, but.

Or he's got a stalker or stalkery affair partner who is trying to mess up your relationship.

Could be anything really. It's probably family, friend, neighbour or work related. Focus first on whether your husband is being an arse about it and what you want to do about that if he is. With one eye out for anything else that might suggest this is more sinister. (It probably isn't. It could be.)

CobraChicken · 18/02/2022 23:03

@crazymomma93

Have you checked underneath the address label yet?? Grin

ThreeLocusts · 18/02/2022 23:08

Another vote for the main problem here is how stressed you are about DP's reaction. I'm not on great terms with not-so-DH currently but I could not imagine anonymous flowers blowing up into the shit show you clearly expect.

Be unapologetic, I'd say. Make clear this is a total mystery to you but it's a nice surprise. And offer him a percy. If he doesn't believe you he can go boil his head.

Goldie2021 · 18/02/2022 23:36

Post on socials “thank you whoever sent us the gorgeous flowers. Could you please let us know as you forgot to sign the card :)”

PrincessFiorimonde · 18/02/2022 23:42

@poTAYtoes

Sorry, but I agree with everyone saying you shouldn't marry a man if you're literally afraid of his reaction when you receive a mysterious bunch of flowers. That's not normal! It sounds like you're avoiding him, anyway, because of his other horrible traits. I know you have a life together, with the kids and the business and years of history, but you shouldn't be afraid of the man you marry.
I'm afraid that this is my reaction too.

Hope you are ok, OP.

Northgirl96 · 19/02/2022 00:07

@Goldie2021

Post on socials “thank you whoever sent us the gorgeous flowers. Could you please let us know as you forgot to sign the card :)”
Or say "they didn't come with a card and I want to thank you" so it doesn't seem passive aggressive
tolerable · 19/02/2022 00:53

Dunno how anybody else uses aibu..i generally,read-if have insta opinion i respond(generally followed with comments like,are you drunk,i cant understand you-and me having to declare..im.."affected") ..this time..i ..kinda guessed the ltb ish likelyhood/so scrolled for the green box updates......
still got that...oh shit ,no ...feeling.
Probably - its been said; the "fear" you spoke of seems to be..his reaction.ie..not anxiety that you manifest for fk all...you said,..mr sweetooth wouldnt eat your "fancy mans sweets"
you said that./also//you know him(clearly willing to tolerate/excuse//to be honest..wasnt that impressed with your usually hound til get bottom of it........am not in a position to judge anyone...im not post aibu tho..you did.like it or not..
im easy bout go ahead wedding or not(cos lookin in from way outside)finances,obv a stresser,again..am outside...you said..youze have kids.Thats the fook up for me.;..
and..kingpin eatin sweets you said he wouldnt.....

Ohdofuckofdear · 19/02/2022 01:04

Is there any way it could be your friend reaching out to you?or someone you've helped either through your job or a neighbour?

I hope you find out soon and that things start to get better for you money wise.

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