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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Anxiety about anon Flower delivery

206 replies

crazymomma93 · 18/02/2022 18:16

Long time reader, first time poster.
I suppose the AIBU is for feeling anxious and not just greatful. Little back story. Ive been with DP for almost 11 years, wedding booked this year, 2 kids and a business together.
This last week has been horrendous he has been in a vile mood and I've no clue why, I'm assuming finances, as atm we both have alot more outgoing than incoming. Neither of us can get out of this hole we are both in and the wedding is just adding to that. Every day this week I've been going to work with such a tight chest through anxiety. This week I have not been my normal self in the sense, usually when he is out of character I dont stop until I get to the bottom of what is wrong. I will hound him until i find whats wrong. There has been no arguments as such but there is an atmosphere. I haven't had the energy to find what is wrong with him, so I've said ok and left him for work, bed, different room. I have depression and nothing left in me for bad energy and atmospheres.

Today I come home to an anonymous bunch of flowers 😳 I have never been sent flowers before in my life, they are beautiful from M&S with 2 packs of percys. He is due home any minute and Im just waiting for 💩 to hit the fan.

Give me a reasonable reason? Ive asked him it was a sharp no, Ive asked Mum, brother, manager at work. All nope, Im out of ideas. He is most definitely going to assume I have another man, by how I have been leaving him in his moods this week and now random flowers. 💩💩💩💩

OP posts:
KneadingKitty · 18/02/2022 19:58

@DogsAndGin

Just tell him they’re from your mum and tell your mum to play along.

But, more worryingly, you sounds like your DH’s treatment of you is giving you anxiety. You shouldn’t fear your DH. I actually thought from the title of the post, you were anxious due to worrying you had a stalker, not fearing the arrival of your own DH Sad

I wouldn't do this in case he sent them as a trick.
JemimaTiggywinkle · 18/02/2022 20:00

@Frankola

This should be something you laugh about with your husband. You don't know who it is, you have a giggle together making suggestions.

Instead you are scared of his reaction.

You have bigger issues than finding out who sent the flowers

Absolutely this.
DomesticatedZombie · 18/02/2022 20:01

You shouldn’t have a partner you have to “dig” things out of. You shouldn’t have a partner you have to “walk on eggshells” around. You shouldn’t have a partner that makes you feel worse when things are already bad (financial worries, etc). There is a better life for you out there. Even if getting to it is difficult for a bit, even if money issues make “breaking up” seem impossible right now… do call CAB, StepChange, or even Womens’ Aid (emotional abuse is still abuse and if you’re tearing apart a flower box desperate to find a card before your husband gets home… love, you’re being emotionally abused).

All of this.

DreamingofTimbuktu · 18/02/2022 20:03

Please don’t marry a man you are frightened of.

Flatwhitetostayin · 18/02/2022 20:04

I hope you're ok OP. Your partner needs to sort himself out. He should not be in a vile mood around you or his children.
If he automatically thinks if you receive a random bunch of flowers you are having an affair, it means he doesn't trust you.
If you are depressed and suffer anxiety his behaviour is not helping.
You have choices.

Peachtoiletpaper · 18/02/2022 20:08

What about a client or supplier linked to your business? Is there anyone you've successfully done some work for lately or are a regular client of?

Seraphinesupport · 18/02/2022 20:10

Think you have bigger problems -_-

PotatoBreadsticks · 18/02/2022 20:11

17th Feb is random acts of kindness day. I'd say friend sent it

AngelDelightUK · 18/02/2022 20:12

Could it be a friend who knows you’re going through a rough time?

Beth13579 · 18/02/2022 20:12

Surely he has sent them by way of apology?

SunshineCake1 · 18/02/2022 20:17

@DogsAndGin

Just tell him they’re from your mum and tell your mum to play along.

But, more worryingly, you sounds like your DH’s treatment of you is giving you anxiety. You shouldn’t fear your DH. I actually thought from the title of the post, you were anxious due to worrying you had a stalker, not fearing the arrival of your own DH Sad

Is no good. If they are from him he will know she's lying.
FavouriteFortnight · 18/02/2022 20:17

It’s not about the flowers - you either have a DP problem or it’s a ‘you’ problem

Lots of other people have commented on the potential DP issue so I’m going focus on you instead. Are you sure it’s not your mental health causing you to catastrophise? Are you imagining negative consequences that aren’t real?

I don’t think some other posters are helping by suggesting extremely unlikely scenarios like your DP tricking you so he can claim you’re having an affair.

Lifeismeh · 18/02/2022 20:17

@ThanksItHasPockets

This should be a mystery that you puzzle and giggle over with your husband. Instead you are frightened. That’s not right, OP.
This is what I was gonna say.

If this happened to either of us there would be amusement and bemusement in the air about it. Not fear and dread.

LazyDaisy22 · 18/02/2022 20:20

You haven’t entered any competitions have you? Or bought raffle tickets and this is a prize?

WonderfulYou · 18/02/2022 20:22

Missing the point but why are you having a wedding this year if you’re financially struggling?

I would assume it’s the wrong address.
If he doesn’t believe you then he doesn’t believe you, there’s not much you can do.

HelloPanda12 · 18/02/2022 20:23

Don’t know if anyone has suggested this but is there an invoice with the last four card digits on? Maybe you could check to see if you recognise the card.

ShiroMiso · 18/02/2022 20:24

I'm also suspecting they are from him, he's just being an arsehole and making you wonder.

AllTheColoursOfGerberas · 18/02/2022 20:26

@ShiroMiso

I'm also suspecting they are from him, he's just being an arsehole and making you wonder.
Good point Also maybe to 'test' the OP? Maybe he knows it'll stress her out, or he's spoiling for an argument and this is the ideal way to start it
pudseypie · 18/02/2022 20:27

I was sent some M&S flowers last week and it took me ages to find out who they were from. As others have said, there's a card stuck under the address label.

Someaddedsugar · 18/02/2022 20:28

@crazymomma93 have you taken the packaging to pieces? I got a Christmas hamper gift with flowers from M&S once and the card was on the care instructions and was tiny!

OmgIThinkILikeYou · 18/02/2022 20:34

Anonymous deliveries like this send my anxiety into overdrive but not because I am worrying about what dp might think, I'm just a weirdo with severe anxiety about people knowing my address.

If you are frightened of him, it's really a clear sign that he is not the one for you. Get out now op before you marry him!

SpiceRat · 18/02/2022 20:35

@Frankola

This should be something you laugh about with your husband. You don't know who it is, you have a giggle together making suggestions.

Instead you are scared of his reaction.

You have bigger issues than finding out who sent the flowers

100% this. It’s so worrying how scared of her partner op seems. Why would anyone stay with someone as she describes baffles me. Cancel the wedding.
Leeds2 · 18/02/2022 20:35

I have had two gifts from M&S (food boxes, not flowers) and the gift card was behind the address label. So you actually had to pull the address label off to see it. Very silly.

PigFaceForever · 18/02/2022 20:35

OP are you ok? xx

JaneyJimplin · 18/02/2022 20:43

Are you ok?