Anxiety about anon Flower delivery

[crazymomma93]

Long time reader, first time poster.
I suppose the AIBU is for feeling anxious and not just greatful. Little back story. Ive been with DP for almost 11 years, wedding booked this year, 2 kids and a business together.
This last week has been horrendous he has been in a vile mood and I've no clue why, I'm assuming finances, as atm we both have alot more outgoing than incoming. Neither of us can get out of this hole we are both in and the wedding is just adding to that. Every day this week I've been going to work with such a tight chest through anxiety. This week I have not been my normal self in the sense, usually when he is out of character I dont stop until I get to the bottom of what is wrong. I will hound him until i find whats wrong. There has been no arguments as such but there is an atmosphere. I haven't had the energy to find what is wrong with him, so I've said ok and left him for work, bed, different room. I have depression and nothing left in me for bad energy and atmospheres.

Today I come home to an anonymous bunch of flowers 😳 I have never been sent flowers before in my life, they are beautiful from M&S with 2 packs of percys. He is due home any minute and Im just waiting for 💩 to hit the fan.

Give me a reasonable reason? Ive asked him it was a sharp no, Ive asked Mum, brother, manager at work. All nope, Im out of ideas. He is most definitely going to assume I have another man, by how I have been leaving him in his moods this week and now random flowers. 💩💩💩💩

@HotelCaliforniaOnRepeat

I'm concerned that you are frightened op.if he makes you feel fear, don't marry him.

@crazymomma93 Please don’t marry this man.

I had some flowers delivered that i turned away
A neighbour then said
“we have your flowers”
Turned out id been injured on a london transport bus and because the driver that caused the hevy braking couldn’t be found, i could get no compensation for physio
So they sent flowers.

Several of us were violently thrown to the floor by hard braking.

I’ve had flowers from M&S before op, and the message was typed on the back of the address label. I only noticed it a few days later when I was getting rid of the box. Luckily I knew who they were from already.

@ThanksItHasPockets

This should be a mystery that you puzzle and giggle over with your husband. Instead you are frightened. That’s not right, OP.

Yeah, this isn’t right @crazymomma93.

Everything aside, the fact that this is making your heart race and filling you with fear, is not normal.

There are only so many possibilities and you have done nothing wrong in any scenario.

He sent them but is denying it
He sent them and will tell you when he comes home
M&S Mix UP
Friend/Family member

Even if it was a secret admirer. STILL NOT YOUR FAULT.

Do not let him turn this around into something to be angry with you about. Normal response would be 'How odd - give us a sweet'.

Could they be someone from his family sending them for both of you?

I did think he may of sent them too :(

Can you ring up m&s and see if they can enlighten you. Probably a good friend as the sweets are a lovely little touch. Sorry to hear you are going though a very stressed and anxious time. Please try to relax more and breathe and just be. Are you looking forward to the wedding and can you make it more low key. I hope you both get to talk and listen to each other as you both sound like you are feeling the same and money always adds extra stress. Please let us know who sent the flowers and sweets when you know. Maybe he did send them to you.

The first thing I'd be doing is postponing the wedding never mind finding out who sent the flowers 🤷‍♀️

Agree with others that I'm concerned you are frightened.

I received M&S flowers with no card a couple of months ago (no Percy’s though) I knew they weren’t from my husband, wondered if they might be from my boss, but she didn’t say so.

I certainly wasn’t scared to tell DH.

@5YearsLeft This is a fantastically wise post, which reminds me why MN can still be good at times.

and a very big bunch of for you, as I think you also deserve them.

percy pigs are revolting though so I won't wish them on you

@AllTheColoursOfGerberas

The first thing I'd be doing is postponing the wedding never mind finding out who sent the flowers 🤷‍♀️

This ^

Absolutely agree with everything @5YearsLeft said so well x

Agree with PP who say you should be laughing over this together, trying to figure out who they’re from.

Instead, you’re convinced he’s delaying coming home? Why would he do that?

And you’re genuinely scared of his reaction?

As ever, on relationship threads, it isn’t about the flowers. Or whichever ‘minor’ thing the OP comes on to post about.

How long ago did you send out weeding invites/announce the engagement?

Your relationship is doomed, don't marry this man. It is beyond alarming how scared you are of this man. There is nothing normal or healthy about this.

Just tell him they’re from your mum and tell your mum to play along.

But, more worryingly, you sounds like your DH’s treatment of you is giving you anxiety. You shouldn’t fear your DH. I actually thought from the title of the post, you were anxious due to worrying you had a stalker, not fearing the arrival of your own DH

He sounds horrendous. Poor you.

Yesterday was random acts of kindness day. Maybe someone has seen your struggling and did a RAOK to find out. Flowers don’t mean affairs!

Don’t tell him they’re from someone else, e.g. your Mum, and get her to play along.

Why would you lie and try to make up who they’re from?

That just makes it look like you’re hiding something - especially if it soon comes out who they are actually from.

Oh God also, apologies - it says RIGHT in the OP that you have two DC. My apologies, OP. Not my best day.

You sound really scared of him. This amount of worry about his reaction would not happen within a healthy relationship

I don't have any helpful comment on the flowers, but I would say please don't spend loads and get stressed for the wedding. It's about the marriage, not getting yourself in debt for one single day that you won't remember the details of in a year's time. I would rip it all up and just do something intimate with close family and no big posh venue etc and worrying about flowers and favours. It sounds like your marriage could be over before it's begun, otherwise!

@DogsAndGin

Just tell him they’re from your mum and tell your mum to play along.

But, more worryingly, you sounds like your DH’s treatment of you is giving you anxiety. You shouldn’t fear your DH. I actually thought from the title of the post, you were anxious due to worrying you had a stalker, not fearing the arrival of your own DH

Please don't do this.....

Oh yes, and seriously consider if you want to legally tie yourself to this man who you are afraid of!

'He is most definitely going to assume I have another man, by how I have been leaving him in his moods this week and now random flowers.'

Unless there's a lot more you're not saying this is a bit of a leap OP, as is you normally hounding him to insist on resolutions, thats not healthy.