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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not sell my old flat?

492 replies

baconroll12 · 18/02/2022 10:41

12 years ago when I was single I bought a gorgeous old 2 bedroom flat that was a bit rundown in a not so nice area. I flatshared with my best friend (lets call her Becca) for most of the time I lived there and we tried our hand at some DIY/restoration and had the place looking incredible.

My DP and I bought a house 3 years ago and before that he lived with his parents. We're not married and we have a joint bank account that all bills come out of with our own separate savings and current accounts.

Becca and her DH split a few years ago in pretty awful circumstances and her and my goddaughter (4) moved back into my flat. The rent is the same as it was when we lived together.

My DP has become quite fixated on this flat. The run down area has now been fully gentrified and is one of the top places to live in the area. He told me that the going rate for rent is now 5 x what Becca pays. He's also looked into recently sold prices and told me what 'we' could do with the money if I sold the flat now. DP has a lot of excellent qualities but he is extremely greedy when it comes to money.

It's become a really touchy subject for us and he keeps saying that I want to keep the flat because it reminds me of my 'wild single days' and that I'm not fully committed to the relationship until I let go of the flat.

YABU- sell the flat
YANBU- keep the flat as you'll need it when you leave him (said in slight jest)

OP posts:
1000yardstare · 18/02/2022 10:42

Yanbu... what's it got to do with him!!

Comedycook · 18/02/2022 10:42

Even if you did sell the flat ..it's your money, not his. Yanbu

Nothingfree · 18/02/2022 10:43

Yanbu, grabby comes to mind with him.

Mandofan · 18/02/2022 10:44

Do NOT sell the flat. Rent it out. It’s yours so you are free to do as you please. When I met my dp he had a flat in a very desirable area. We want to buy a house soon and he offered to sell it to boost our deposit. I would never demand he sell it as it’s his and nothing to do with me. Your DP is grabby and entitled. If you do decide to sell it and the money goes towards a new place, make sure you ring fence your deposit so he can’t take any of it if things go south.

JaffaCakeGal · 18/02/2022 10:44

YANBU it's YOUR flat and he has bugger all say in what you do with it!

GeneGenie123 · 18/02/2022 10:45

Yanbu. It’s got nothing to do with him, the rental rate, potential sale etc… if you are otherwise happy in your relationship just shut him down. It’s not his money or his investment.

MrsWooster · 18/02/2022 10:45

Yanbu , and if /when you get married, bear in mind how grabby with money he is and beware…

PolkaSpace · 18/02/2022 10:45

It's your flat. Keep it. I would consider upping the rent though.

otherlineeyes · 18/02/2022 10:47

Don't sell the flat.
You are being v kind to your friend, but could she meet somewhere in the middle rent wise - closer to market rate?
But as you say, dp is greedy! He wants your money. Protect your asset, tell him you want to save it for future when you might really need it ( eg having rental income would be so helpful when on maternity leave). And important for you to have a safety net if the relationship doesn't work out (is that what he wants? to remove the safety net?)

1000yardstare · 18/02/2022 10:47

Also, how would he be able to match fund you as a 'commitment' to you letting go of your wild daysHmm
Would his greed let his grabbing claws loosen his grip on his purse strings too. Or is it just your money he's happy to spendAngry
It's not a flat, it's your pension.

LightfoldEngines · 18/02/2022 10:47

Cheeky twat, thinks he’s entitled to a flat you bought years before you even met him?! Even more so when you have your best friend who is a single mother living there.

If he didn’t STFU about this I’d be seriously reconsidering the relationship because he’s got red flags all over him.

frazzledasarock · 18/02/2022 10:48

How long have you been with your P?

Is your shared house with your P jointly owned as in both of you are the registered owners?

I wouldn’t sell the flat as it’s nothing to do with your partner, and him pressuring you to sell your flat is a red flag.

My DH had his own outright owned flat when we met. He eventually sold it after we got married and decided to find a house together. That was his own choice I didn’t pressure or even question it. His house had nothing to do with me.

I don’t like the sound of your P being greedy for money. Especially other peoples money. He has it nothing in towards that flat, it’s nothing to do with him.

Georgeskitchen · 18/02/2022 10:48

YABNU keep the flat

EmmaH2022 · 18/02/2022 10:50

Your property, do what you like.

He sounds like he is blatantly gold digging.

BackwardsPrawn · 18/02/2022 10:51

Absolutely not unreasonable.

If it's worth so much more now - think how even more it'll be worth in 20-30 years time when you might like it's value for retirement.

This is YOUR asset and must be protected at all costs. (I'd be looking for ways to make sure it legally remains your asset if you ever married.).

I agree with above, also, it is a vital safety net for you.

Original poster
baconroll12 · 18/02/2022 10:51

@1000yardstare

Also, how would he be able to match fund you as a 'commitment' to you letting go of your wild daysHmm Would his greed let his grabbing claws loosen his grip on his purse strings too. Or is it just your money he's happy to spendAngry It's not a flat, it's your pension.
Honestly, my wild days were largely spent eating takeaways and watching DVDs with my friends.
OP posts:
AffIt · 18/02/2022 10:52

Absolutely not. It's your investment and, assuming the rent you're charging your friend covers the mortgage (if you have one on that property) so that you're not paying out twice, has absolutely nothing to do with your DP.

Apart from anything else, you're not married, so apart from the joint ownership of the house you live in, you have no assets in kind.

I must be honest, I find stinginess or grasping behaviour when it comes to money a massive turn-off, so I would probably be re-thinking this relationship in general, but only you know if he's decent in other ways.

Rainbowshine · 18/02/2022 10:52

Wow, that’s rather telling that he thinks that the money is going to be shared with him if you chose to sell!

And it’s a red flag for me that he’s associated the retention of the flat with your commitment to the relationship. I know you said it was in slight jest but this stinks of dictating how you should manage your money so that you get the “prize” of being with him. That’s financial abuse, staring at you.

YANBU wanting to determine your own financial choices, given that you keep the majority of your finances separate. I hope you plan to keep it that way for now.

I would think it’s worth seeing if the rent needs adjusting though. I know it’s your friend renting but you’ll be doing yourself no favours if you keep it at the same amount for much longer, she may start to take it for granted that she can stay there for well below market rate - people can value things according to what they cost.

Your DP is a piece of work!

Blossomtoes · 18/02/2022 10:52

@LightfoldEngines

Cheeky twat, thinks he’s entitled to a flat you bought years before you even met him?! Even more so when you have your best friend who is a single mother living there.

If he didn’t STFU about this I’d be seriously reconsidering the relationship because he’s got red flags all over him.

This. It’s none of his business. Cheeky fucker.
Original poster
baconroll12 · 18/02/2022 10:53

@otherlineeyes

Don't sell the flat. You are being v kind to your friend, but could she meet somewhere in the middle rent wise - closer to market rate? But as you say, dp is greedy! He wants your money. Protect your asset, tell him you want to save it for future when you might really need it ( eg having rental income would be so helpful when on maternity leave). And important for you to have a safety net if the relationship doesn't work out (is that what he wants? to remove the safety net?)
I wouldn't consider upping the rent. The mortgage is obscenely cheap and its covered. I'm happy to have someone there who loves it and will take good care of it.
OP posts:
Original poster
baconroll12 · 18/02/2022 10:55

@frazzledasarock

How long have you been with your P?

Is your shared house with your P jointly owned as in both of you are the registered owners?

I wouldn’t sell the flat as it’s nothing to do with your partner, and him pressuring you to sell your flat is a red flag.

My DH had his own outright owned flat when we met. He eventually sold it after we got married and decided to find a house together. That was his own choice I didn’t pressure or even question it. His house had nothing to do with me.

I don’t like the sound of your P being greedy for money. Especially other peoples money. He has it nothing in towards that flat, it’s nothing to do with him.

We've been together 7 years and bought the house 3 years ago. We're both the registered owners and paid an equal share of the deposit.
OP posts:
hairymorag · 18/02/2022 10:58

My DH has his own flat from when he was single, its his, he rents it out. Its an asset and he wants our DC to be able to use it as its in a good location in london. Its his, nothing to do with me....

iRun2eatCake · 18/02/2022 10:58

I echo all of the above. Absolutely do not sell it... or marry him.

He sounds like he has his eye on the prize.... i.e your money.

Be careful

stuntbubbles · 18/02/2022 10:58

Even if you did sell it, he’s a DP not a DH – you could keep every ounce of profit and use it for your own pension and investments, or pay off your current mortgage but ring fence the money with a deed of trust. He doesn’t have to see a penny of it, so it’s not really his business.

Usually I would say YABU to have more than one property – second homes and BTLs and such are part of the housing crisis – but it sounds like selling would leave your friend far worse off and unable to afford local rents.

Tell your DP to stop talking about it otherwise you’ll sell it and give all the money to a donkey sanctuary just to annoy him.

DDIJ · 18/02/2022 10:58

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