Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 19 20

Original poster

AIBU to not sell my old flat?

492 replies

baconroll12 · 18/02/2022 10:41

12 years ago when I was single I bought a gorgeous old 2 bedroom flat that was a bit rundown in a not so nice area. I flatshared with my best friend (lets call her Becca) for most of the time I lived there and we tried our hand at some DIY/restoration and had the place looking incredible.

My DP and I bought a house 3 years ago and before that he lived with his parents. We're not married and we have a joint bank account that all bills come out of with our own separate savings and current accounts.

Becca and her DH split a few years ago in pretty awful circumstances and her and my goddaughter (4) moved back into my flat. The rent is the same as it was when we lived together.

My DP has become quite fixated on this flat. The run down area has now been fully gentrified and is one of the top places to live in the area. He told me that the going rate for rent is now 5 x what Becca pays. He's also looked into recently sold prices and told me what 'we' could do with the money if I sold the flat now. DP has a lot of excellent qualities but he is extremely greedy when it comes to money.

It's become a really touchy subject for us and he keeps saying that I want to keep the flat because it reminds me of my 'wild single days' and that I'm not fully committed to the relationship until I let go of the flat.

YABU- sell the flat
YANBU- keep the flat as you'll need it when you leave him (said in slight jest)

OP posts:

Luredbyapomegranate · 18/02/2022 11:24

@Billybagpuss

I didn't want to put this in my OP as I didn't know how this thread would go down but the flat is left to my goddaughter in my will

Does he know this?

Well that’s a bit of a drip feed but in that case it’s bizarre he’s pushing you to sell, as he knows your plans.

So close the conversation down and tell him you don’t want to hear any more from him on the subject.

Presumably you don’t plan to have children? I’d just keep in mind you may end up needing at least some of it for a pension, if you don’t have a major retirement fund.

Dragongirl10 · 18/02/2022 11:25

Oh op this has serious red flags on the part of your DP....

This is none of his business, none and l cannot believe you think he has a say! You can do anything you want it is your not his.

Also it is a good security net for you/pension, Don't sell, you have a great tenant, no worries, mortgage covered.

None of us know what the future holds you may be very glad of the flat if one day you cannot work......

Please, please do'nt marry this man he has shown you his true colours.

frazzledasarock · 18/02/2022 11:26

He’s probably not bringing up the inheritance as he has absolutely no way to justify you changing your will and leaving your flat to him instead of your god-daughter without looking completely grabby.

MsVanDeKamp · 18/02/2022 11:26

YANBU. also, on a side note, you are improving the lives of your friend and goddaughter by supplying cheap rent (if you can afford it)

RitaFires · 18/02/2022 11:27

I thought that the flat might have been an excuse to try and get your friend and goddaughter out of your life, with the added context of it being willed to your goddaughter I'm much more convinced.

Your partner has an issue with your friend, I don't know if it's because he wants to have you all to himself or he doesn't like her for some reason. When he says "your wild single days" that's a euphemism for Becca.

MarchCrocus · 18/02/2022 11:27

I would be very wary of your partner. Is he talking lots about what “we” could do with his savings or is it just your flat he’s focussed on?

Good point.

familychallenge · 18/02/2022 11:29

It's just not his to sell, and that's the end of it! If you were married or had joint children then he would have a say, or if you agreed to pool all your assets that would be different.

I own a flat outright that a family member lives in rent free, and who it is left to if I die before them. It's not a financial asset to me but a means of providing someone I love with security, which sounds similar to your situation. I would be very annoyed if a partner tried to pressure me to change that for their financial gain.

Frederica852 · 18/02/2022 11:30

Keep the flat, let Becca stay there on the same rent and try not to marry this dude

SeasonFinale · 18/02/2022 11:30

I suspect OP that were you to have your own children you may consider whether your goddaughter remains the beneficiary.

Also is your DP looking to "upgrade " your current house. That may be feeding in to his desire for you to sell up as he believes itnis holding you both back. Also I assume you had to pay additional stamp duty because where you are now is a second property and he is tight about having to have done that (unless you paid the difference).

However if you do marry the flat does potentially become a marital asset so do be careful if you do want to hold that route at some point.

I wish I had been in the position to retain properties I used to own as some friends have done as they do as people have said have a pension asset. I appreciate that you intend to leave it to goddaughter at present but I suggest you don't tell either goddaughter or her mum that this is the case as things in life do change.

Gingernaut · 18/02/2022 11:31

Once your friend and her daughter have sorted themselves out, let them move on and consider renting the flat out close to or at the market rate.

It's an asset.

Dump the 'D'P.

timestheyarechanging · 18/02/2022 11:31

Do what YOU want to do. None of his business! My partner has a flat in Camden that he's owed for 20odd years and rents out, giving him a decent yield. It's worth about £750k now, Although we are now buying together (I'm selling my flat - my choice) I would never expect him to sell that flat. It's HIS not mine.
Whatever we buy together will be 'ours' with it laid out legally which % is mine and his, from the proceeds of my flat which I own outright snd whatever he puts into the pot, either by remortgaging his flat or selling it.
I would never expect anything out of his investment, and he wouldn't expect to gain from mine, before we got together.

Toddlerteaplease · 18/02/2022 11:33

Stick to your guns. You are doing a lovely thing for your friend.

BoredZelda · 18/02/2022 11:33

(lets call her Becca)

Let's not.

NeeharikaRessyIAS · 18/02/2022 11:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Original poster

baconroll12 · 18/02/2022 11:34

@BoredZelda

(lets call her Becca)

Let's not.

Why?

OP posts:

QuinkWashable · 18/02/2022 11:35

I had a house when I met ex. I'd paid the mortgage down quite a long way (it was rented out by then, which covered the mortgage, then I paid down what I could when I could), I then extended the mortgage so I could provide a chunk of deposit when we bought a house together (his parents provided his share of it). Continued to pay off chunks here and there over then next 10 years, until it was free and clear.

It's my pension, my insurance, my small income that means that when we split up last year, me and the kids had a little bit of breathing room and weren't entirely dependent on his 'generosity'

Do not sell the flat. You are doing a good thing for your friend and Goddaughter, and it's totally reasonable she is listed as the recipient in you will (until I had kids of my own, I did something similar).

SpiderVersed · 18/02/2022 11:36

Stick to your guns.

Antsgomarching · 18/02/2022 11:39

Honestly I don’t like the sound of him, wouldn’t consider marriage if I were you.

notthatonethisone · 18/02/2022 11:39

Oh I really don't like that he knows you plan to leave the flat to your god daughter.

He knows you have firm plans

And he STILL pushes it?

Sorry op. I do not like this at all

RAOK · 18/02/2022 11:40

You are a lovely friend and godmother. Do not sell the flat!

iRun2eatCake · 18/02/2022 11:41

Aha!! Now it's even more clear why he wants you to sell!! He knows he'll never get his hands on the free money otherwise!

What an absolute gem of a man!

WouldIwasShookspeared · 18/02/2022 11:41

Ask him why he thinks he'd be spending the money anyway, given you pay bills equally and have your own savings and spending money. Ask him how come he's not sharing his savings with you if he's suddenly developed this lovely sharing attitude.

JustWonderingIfYou · 18/02/2022 11:42

Did he have to pay half of the 2nd house stamp duty?

IntermittentParps · 18/02/2022 11:42

YANBU. It's interesting how he is happy to have separate savings and current accounts but talks about what 'we' could do with the money.

Saying that you want to keep the flat because it reminds you of your 'wild single days' and that you're not fully committed to the relationship is straight-up emotional blackmail. I'd be telling my DP to pack it in if he tried something like that.

peachesarenom · 18/02/2022 11:43

YANBU, I would see it as a bit of a red flag tbh, greedy with money! What if you had kids and needed him to be generous with money?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 19 20