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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not sell my old flat?

492 replies

baconroll12 · 18/02/2022 10:41

12 years ago when I was single I bought a gorgeous old 2 bedroom flat that was a bit rundown in a not so nice area. I flatshared with my best friend (lets call her Becca) for most of the time I lived there and we tried our hand at some DIY/restoration and had the place looking incredible.

My DP and I bought a house 3 years ago and before that he lived with his parents. We're not married and we have a joint bank account that all bills come out of with our own separate savings and current accounts.

Becca and her DH split a few years ago in pretty awful circumstances and her and my goddaughter (4) moved back into my flat. The rent is the same as it was when we lived together.

My DP has become quite fixated on this flat. The run down area has now been fully gentrified and is one of the top places to live in the area. He told me that the going rate for rent is now 5 x what Becca pays. He's also looked into recently sold prices and told me what 'we' could do with the money if I sold the flat now. DP has a lot of excellent qualities but he is extremely greedy when it comes to money.

It's become a really touchy subject for us and he keeps saying that I want to keep the flat because it reminds me of my 'wild single days' and that I'm not fully committed to the relationship until I let go of the flat.

YABU- sell the flat
YANBU- keep the flat as you'll need it when you leave him (said in slight jest)

OP posts:
SeasonFinale · 18/02/2022 11:45

@timestheyarechanging

Do what YOU want to do. None of his business! My partner has a flat in Camden that he's owed for 20odd years and rents out, giving him a decent yield. It's worth about £750k now, Although we are now buying together (I'm selling my flat - my choice) I would never expect him to sell that flat. It's HIS not mine. Whatever we buy together will be 'ours' with it laid out legally which % is mine and his, from the proceeds of my flat which I own outright snd whatever he puts into the pot, either by remortgaging his flat or selling it. I would never expect anything out of his investment, and he wouldn't expect to gain from mine, before we got together.
Do make sure he pays the additional stamp duty because he owns a property though.
comfortablyfrumpy · 18/02/2022 11:47

None of his business.

jeaux90 · 18/02/2022 11:47

Don't sell the flat. Don't marry him.

Newbabynewhouse · 18/02/2022 11:47

Its YOUR flat..you do what YOU want with it..

I had a flat before me and DP moved out together and i would have kept it if i could have afforded to buy the house without the money from it

I honestly think you should keep it because its good for the future investments..your daughter could have it when shes older? It will also be going up in price as time goes on..

LightfoldEngines · 18/02/2022 11:47

After seeing your updates OP, for the love of fuck do not ever marry this man.

Booboobibles · 18/02/2022 11:47

I’d be very wary of this man….he’s trying to get his hands on your money.

What does he want to do with the money? Use it to buy a new property in both your names? You’ll split up and he’ll have half your money!

With regards to rent, it depends on how much you need the
money. It’s always best to have a tenant who you know is looking after your property but if she’s paying a fifth of the rent, that’s a lot of money you’re giving her each month.

Geezabreak82 · 18/02/2022 11:48

YANBU - yes your friend is getting a good deal and you could make more money by charging market rates but she’s your friend, she helped you renovate the property and she’s going through a shit time so it’s good to be able to help her. It sounds like you’re still making money on the flat anyway just by owning it as it rises in value. You can’t access that cash now but it will be there in future when you need it and you’re almost certainly getting a better return on it than putting it in a savings account. It sounds like your DP wants to release the cash and splurge, which would be nice in the short term, but keeping the status quo means security for your friend now and financial security for you in the future.

babyjellyfish · 18/02/2022 11:48

You're not even married, OP.

It's none of his business what YOU do with YOUR flat.

TyrannosaurusRegina · 18/02/2022 11:49

He's trying to manipulate you into selling. Greedy sod. He sounds awful, imagine wanting to turf your friend and little girl out just so he can get his sweaty paws onto some money. Horrible man.

viques · 18/02/2022 11:49

Having tenants in your property who care for it is a HUGE asset. Yes you could get other tenants and charge a higher rent but they might trash it, or be careless, or could stop paying rent for months and cost you thousands to evict.

Plus you are supporting a friend in need and her child, you can’t put a value on that.

DrSbaitso · 18/02/2022 11:49

Is he mean with money with you?

Inthesameboatatmo · 18/02/2022 11:49

Yanbu. I don't like the sound of dp at all after all the updates. Do not marry him

Hankunamatata · 18/02/2022 11:49

Tell him its your pension fund and you will be keeping it until you retire. I would make sure you have a formal rental agreement with your friend. And that rent covers mortgage, landlord insurance and saving a slush fund for repairs, replacing carpets etc

Jux · 18/02/2022 11:50

Don't sell. "I'm happy with how things are, thanks" and if necessary leave the room, is enough. Just keep responding like that everytime he brings it up. Time after time. He'll stop eventually.

dangerrabbit · 18/02/2022 11:51

You said he had positive qualities other than his attitude to money. Tell us a bit more about those OP. Clearly you feel a bit uncomfortable about his attitude to money (understandably) hence starting this thread. Are you considering ending the relationship? You joked about that in the OP but you know what they say, many a true word and all that...

Goldenharp · 18/02/2022 11:51

Why are with somebody that you describe as "extremely greedy when it comes to money" and who is attempting to bully you into getting rid of what has proved to be a very successful investment for you. Where's his investment property?

As for him saying that you want to keep the flat because it reminds you of your 'wild single days' and that you're not fully committed to the relationship until you let go of the flat, words really fail me at the sheer bizarreness of the idea. Did he never have sex at Mummy and Daddy's place, his previous abode? Tell him you're never visiting them again if he ever had sex there.

I'd be getting rid of him. Life is hard enough without going home to a moralising git who wants to get his hands on your money. I may ben an exception but I could forgive infidelity more than I could forgive or forget your partner's sheer greed. At least do not double down by marrying him.

Joxster · 18/02/2022 11:52

YANBU. Initially I would have said if this is the only thing he’s being a bit pushy about, then just put it down to him having a blind spot around property as a joint asset and have a firm conversation with him that it’s yours and none of his business if it isn’t causing you both financial hardship as couple to keep it as is.

However, if he’s still being pushy about this when he knows it’s left to your goddaughter in your will, I’m concerned he’s being a real dick and if anything happened to you/you marry him and it ends in divorce, he would go after the flat.

Essentially you own an item which you wish to leave to your goddaughter in your will. He’s pushing you to sell that item for his benefit and leave her nothing. He wants to cut your goddaughter out of your will. When you frame it like that, I’m not sure I would be happy with that in your position.

You seem savvy and smart. You aren’t married to him and he has no claim on it. It’s up to you how you feel about this but currently, YADNBU.

babyjellyfish · 18/02/2022 11:52

I didn't want to put this in my OP as I didn't know how this thread would go down but the flat is left to my goddaughter in my will.

It seems the real love story here is not you and your DP, but you and Becca and your goddaughter.

ABitBesottedWithMyDog · 18/02/2022 11:53

Sell the flat to Becca for £1.

SuperSange · 18/02/2022 11:53

Don't ever marry him. This is a small glimpse of your future if you do. He's telling you who he is. Listen to him.

AintNobodyHereButUsChickens · 18/02/2022 11:53

@BoredZelda

(lets call her Becca)

Let's not.

What an odd comment Confused Out of this whole thread, that's the thing you pick up on?!
sillysmiles · 18/02/2022 11:54

@CrimbleCrumble1

I wouldn’t sell it but I’d probably raise the rent a bit. I wouldn’t marry him.
Why should she raise the rent? She's happy with what she's getting. Her friend is happy. The flat is looked after.
PearPickingPorky · 18/02/2022 11:55

So je knows you want to leave your flat to your goddaughter, but he's trying to convince you to sell it because he can think of better ways for that money to he spent to benefit him?

I think you need to shut the conversation down once and for all. "DP, stop talking about my flat. Stop factoring the money from my flat into your financial plans. I will not sell it and I will not push Becca out of it."

You say he has savings and they are none of your business - but what are his plans for his savings? What is he saving them for?

deeplyambivalent · 18/02/2022 11:55

@MrsWooster

Yanbu , and if /when you get married, bear in mind how grabby with money he is and beware…
^ this
BadBear · 18/02/2022 11:56

Get rid of him now. That was honestly the first thing that came to mind reading this.

It is YOUR flat and YOUR decision what to do with it.

Ok, maybe don't get rid of him if your relationship is good overall but do have a stern talk with him about it. If he insists then I think you have a problem as he's showing you his values as a person and the level of control he expects to have in your decision making process. It wasn't even his place to do the research into rents in the area and inform you of them. You never asked him to do so.