AIBU to not sell my old flat?

[baconroll12]

12 years ago when I was single I bought a gorgeous old 2 bedroom flat that was a bit rundown in a not so nice area. I flatshared with my best friend (lets call her Becca) for most of the time I lived there and we tried our hand at some DIY/restoration and had the place looking incredible.

My DP and I bought a house 3 years ago and before that he lived with his parents. We're not married and we have a joint bank account that all bills come out of with our own separate savings and current accounts.

Becca and her DH split a few years ago in pretty awful circumstances and her and my goddaughter (4) moved back into my flat. The rent is the same as it was when we lived together.

My DP has become quite fixated on this flat. The run down area has now been fully gentrified and is one of the top places to live in the area. He told me that the going rate for rent is now 5 x what Becca pays. He's also looked into recently sold prices and told me what 'we' could do with the money if I sold the flat now. DP has a lot of excellent qualities but he is extremely greedy when it comes to money.

It's become a really touchy subject for us and he keeps saying that I want to keep the flat because it reminds me of my 'wild single days' and that I'm not fully committed to the relationship until I let go of the flat.

YABU- sell the flat
YANBU- keep the flat as you'll need it when you leave him (said in slight jest)

YANBU I really don't like that he's trying to manipulate you into selling your flat so he can spend the money. You're doing a really nice thing letting your friend live there at an affordable rent but your partner wants her and your goddaughter turfed out. I wonder if he's hoping that he can make a profit and ruin your relationship with your best friend so he can isolate you and manipulate you further.

PMSL that the best justification he could think of was the remembrance of things past. PMSL at his role as arbiter of what you need to do to become committed to the relationship. If jointly buying a home isn't enough for you then perhaps you could tell him he is not fully committed to the relationship until you come first, ahead of his love for money. I'd be tempted to make sure my will had a life interest for the tenant and if you have DC that ownership passes to them directly.

The good thing is that you seem to know what your DP is like and have priorities in order.

And he absolutely does not give a fuck about your "wild single days". It's just his way of getting you to do what he wants.

YANBU- keep the flat for as long as you want as it is 100% yours. It is an asset which belongs to you alone and will continue to do so. Use it as an investment for a pension etc but he is not entitled to it or any money made from it.

Selling it to appease a DP as it reminds me of my 'wild single days' and that I'm not fully committed to the relationship until I let go of the flat. is just him trying to bully you into selling. You have committed to the relationship by buying a house with him - if that is not enough commitment for him your relationship has issues-sorry.

You sound like a lovely friend.

My DH has a flat he bought way before we were married. He never sold it as it lost money, he spent money doing it up etc etc so he just kept it and rents it out. Doesn’t make a great deal from it but what he does goes into his account (we have a joint account for all outgoing but have our own savings and money otherwise). I wouldn’t dream of getting involved in it or having expectations about it!

Keep it. If you’re happy having your friend there then keep her there. It’s yours.

@Everanewbie

Hmmm. You own a house together and live together. If you have an asset that is massively under performing, then I think he has a point.

The way that you've structured things, well, its your decision. But if he's living with you and you, and you own a house together, you have at least partially joint finances.

If he had, say, a hypothetical bank account that paid little or no interest, and you pointed out to him that if you switched to another account, and it could pay you, say 6% instead of 2% (again hypothetical, please don't lecture me on interest rates, i'm well aware) and he would not move because his cousin worked at his bank and would lose her bonus, I suspect you'd be a bit miffed at essentially sacrificing money.

I'm not saying he's entirely right, as I and other posters have pointed out, its your property and your call. But IMO he has every right to be frustrated at your financial loss out of (misplaced?) loyalty.

Glad I never lived with anyone

It wouldn't give me the right to comment on their finances, no. And a lower interest bank account isn't comparable to going on at someone about selling or changing use of an asset.

@Zilla1

PMSL that the best justification he could think of was the remembrance of things past. PMSL at his role as arbiter of what you need to do to become committed to the relationship. If jointly buying a home isn't enough for you then perhaps you could tell him he is not fully committed to the relationship until you come first, ahead of his love for money. I'd be tempted to make sure my will had a life interest for the tenant and if you have DC that ownership passes to them directly.

The good thing is that you seem to know what your DP is like and have priorities in order.

I didn't want to put this in my OP as I didn't know how this thread would go down but the flat is left to my goddaughter in my will.

Life insurance/pension pays out to DP.

The flat will be a good pension for you, holding onto it is not diminishing your commitment to the relationship anywhere except in his head.

Just say it's your retirement fund and end the discussion. I doubt he'd split a pension lump sum with you.

YANBU to keep it. It's paying for itself even below market rate, and you have lovely long term tenants.

Maybe try suggesting things you could do with his savings? See how he likes it

I would definitely keep the flat. It sounds like a good, sound investment, ensures your friend and your goddaughter have a safe home whilst looking after it, and it's a fall back in case things do happen to go wrong further down the line.

As long as you are paying your 'fair' share none of his business.

I didn't want to put this in my OP as I didn't know how this thread would go down but the flat is left to my goddaughter in my will

Does he know this?

@MarchCrocus

Having a tenant you trust and who will look after the property well is a valuable asset in itself. Other tenants could be more lucrative, they'd also come with greater risk.

Yes, it's a popular area for students as well which would probably be more lucrative but also shorter lets and more hassle.

@Billybagpuss

I didn't want to put this in my OP as I didn't know how this thread would go down but the flat is left to my goddaughter in my will

Does he know this?

He does.

He doesn't really bring it up. I'm hopeful its because he doesn't think I'm going to die anytime soon.

YNBU

Not sure I’d marry this man. Not just the greed, but the attempt at manipulation.

But anyway you aren’t married so it really is nothing to do with him what you do. The asset is there, and if you want to give you friend and her daughter cheap rent that’s up to you - and a very kind thing to do.

If you do sell, be very certain you protect your money if you put it into a joint asset.

You sound like a responsible person and loyal friend OP.
Your DP sounds like he is money focused, grabby and is waving big red flags for manipulation.

I didn't want to put this in my OP as I didn't know how this thread would go down but the flat is left to my goddaughter in my will.

Does he know that? If so, he really is a piece of work.

I would be very wary of your partner. Is he talking lots about what “we” could do with his savings or is it just your flat he’s focussed on?

I have a flat I rent out. I could let it for more, but I don’t need to so I don’t. DH wouldn’t dream of trying to dictate what happened with it!

I didn't want to put this in my OP as I didn't know how this thread would go down but the flat is left to my goddaughter in my will.

Life insurance/pension pays out to DP.

Ah this makes even more sense to not raise the rent then. The flat is more than a flat to you.

I would reconsider the while relationship based on this tbh. I know that seeks a tad dramatic but if you've explained it once to him that should be enough. As long as you are matching what he puts in and not deliberately reducing your income so you pay less proportionately then he has absolutely no reason to feel hard done by here.

Don't marry him

He knows it's for goddaughter and he still harps on?

I don't like him.

'Loss' may be the wrong word, maybe missing out on better returns is more accurate.

Do you trust this person you're with? You have a big commitment buying a house together, and especially if money is tight, I really can see his frustration. It might be your property, but if you're in a committed financial partnership you do have some obligation to be a good partner and not willfully give up additional income.

Although 5 X the rent does strike me as a little far fetched, and there is a lot to be said for having a tenant that pays and keeps the place well, rather than chasing returns and having someone who messes you about with rent and doesn't respect your property. There is a limit to that though.

Yes, it's a popular area for students as well which would probably be more lucrative but also shorter lets and more hassle.

Ah, I was wondering how the rent increase could've been so much. I know the market has gone batshit but not usually that batshit!

Honestly, I can quite see why you don't want to rent to students. I know it means you can charge more, but it's clearly more faff and of course people only staying temporarily aren't going to be particularly bothered about how they look after the place. You're essentially buying yourself stability, better care for the property and continuity with the arrangement you've chosen here.

Good for you, OP.

YANBU - Your flat, your business.

As someone else mentioned, you may need it if you ever split up!