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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not sell my old flat?

492 replies

baconroll12 · 18/02/2022 10:41

12 years ago when I was single I bought a gorgeous old 2 bedroom flat that was a bit rundown in a not so nice area. I flatshared with my best friend (lets call her Becca) for most of the time I lived there and we tried our hand at some DIY/restoration and had the place looking incredible.

My DP and I bought a house 3 years ago and before that he lived with his parents. We're not married and we have a joint bank account that all bills come out of with our own separate savings and current accounts.

Becca and her DH split a few years ago in pretty awful circumstances and her and my goddaughter (4) moved back into my flat. The rent is the same as it was when we lived together.

My DP has become quite fixated on this flat. The run down area has now been fully gentrified and is one of the top places to live in the area. He told me that the going rate for rent is now 5 x what Becca pays. He's also looked into recently sold prices and told me what 'we' could do with the money if I sold the flat now. DP has a lot of excellent qualities but he is extremely greedy when it comes to money.

It's become a really touchy subject for us and he keeps saying that I want to keep the flat because it reminds me of my 'wild single days' and that I'm not fully committed to the relationship until I let go of the flat.

YABU- sell the flat
YANBU- keep the flat as you'll need it when you leave him (said in slight jest)

OP posts:
Lifethroughlenses · 19/02/2022 20:38

I think your DP is misguided if he is dressing this up as a financial mistake. There is enormous value to renting to someone you know who will pay and take good care of it. Your mortgage is covered and you have an appreciating asset. Sounds ideal to me. Keep doing what you wish with it.

Mum2jenny · 19/02/2022 20:39

YANBU keep the flat, your dp is a greedy opportunist. You will need it when you split up (unfortunately)

Ayabbadabbado · 19/02/2022 20:42

YANBU - keep the flat!! This isn't shedding a good light on your DP.
Think about your future with or without your DP.
This is a super investment for your future/retirement.

Tessabelle74 · 19/02/2022 20:44

YANBU in the slightest!

goldengrove · 19/02/2022 20:57

Don't let anyone make you sell it baconroll - you may well need it again for yourself one day x

motherofthelittlescreamingone · 19/02/2022 21:09

Keep the flat!

His choice - he shuts up and you work out a plan to fund things you both want to do to the house/another house, or you go separate ways. Flat is not on the table. You sound like a lovely friend with your head screwed on.

Even if you did let it out commercially, it wouldn't be his business, just like his pension / savings are not yours - you keep a level of separation and you are presumably happy with that. If you aren't having kids together, there is no need to pool assets if you each can support yourselves and are happy.

Mamanyt · 19/02/2022 21:46

Well, you've said he's a bit greedy, and I keep giggling over the "donkey sanctuary" comment. That should shut down the conversation about that quite nicely. Although...I do wonder if he's perhaps a bit insecure, knowing that, should you ever want/need it, you have a bolt-hole to go to if leaving becomes necessary.

ChargingBuck · 19/02/2022 21:46

@GrannyRose15

By the way this thread is worded, it sounds to me as though you are not ready to fully commit to this man. Keep the flat by all means, it could be a life saver when your relationship breaks down. but acknowledge to yourself and him the real reason you don't want to get rid of it.

Once you are ready to commit, you will want to combine your assets in the best way for you and your family. This may mean keeping or selling the flat, but it will then be a joint decision rather than a bone of contention.

FFS

Not every woman on he planet is in thrall to the motion of marriage & "commitment". OP doesn't want kids. Why would she marry, & risk her hard-won assets?

The real reason OP doesn't want to sell the flat is because she loves it, she loves her friend & god-daughter, it is an appreciating asset & it is hers alone to make decisions about.

The patronising waffle you have spouted reads as if you can't believe OP is a proper grown up, with her own agency, because she's not wafting about waiting for A PROPOSAL FROM A MAN to make her life complete ...

billy1966 · 19/02/2022 21:51

A greedy guts is someone who wants more than their fair share.

YOUR words to describe this man thatvyou are with.

You KNOW the character of him.

Please be VERY wary.

Flowers
converseandjeans · 19/02/2022 21:57

Keep hold of the flat & don't sign anything over. It's a great pension for the future.

It's good to have someone you know in there & if rent covers the mortgage then I can't really see the problem. You're already quids in with the property boom.

You sound like a nice friend & DP sounds a bit controlling.

TinselTinsel · 19/02/2022 22:02

YANBU - It's yours to keep, tell him to bog off.

Tobchette · 19/02/2022 22:14

I love @BlackAmericanoNoSugar 's take on things and couldn't agree more.

My dh owns a flat and he lets his elderly dad live there rent free and sorts out all the repairs etc. out of his own pocket. I knew from the day I met dh that the flat is fils home and I would of course never ever even suggest selling the flat. When fil one day dies (he's over 80) then whatever dh decides to do with the money, that's up to him. We are married and I see no right to that money whatsoever as I had no role in acquiring it and I have my own savings.
You could say it's different because it's an old helpless man or it's "real" family but even if the flat sat empty and dh just wanted to hang onto it, I really don't feel like I have much say. I wasn't there when he bought it and I really have no interest in taking something from my dh unless he is fully comfortable with sharing it. We have children and I trust him fully to use whatever money comes from it wisely and in their best interests.

theleafandnotthetree · 19/02/2022 22:30

@HareHare

I think you sound like a good friend. If it were me l would be a bit sad that DP did not appreciate this but maybe he is a good balance to your generous nature
You're right, it's important that there's grasping pricks around to balance out the kind, generous people like the OP Hmm
KentdonMum · 19/02/2022 22:54

YANBU. This is your asset and you should keep it and do with it what you will, if it suits you and you can continue to continue renting it out to your friend at below market value that is a good a noble thing. I am happily married but can still see the value and necessity for women to maintain some financial independence from their man. It’s common sense.

August1980 · 19/02/2022 23:11

Ditch him. Move in with Becca and god child abs enjoy your life and your money! He just bloody annoys me. He needs to put a ring on YOUR finger before he has any say in your financial affairs…

BossyFlossie76 · 19/02/2022 23:31

You seem really fair and kind, I’m glad your friend is living there. Also glad you’re not being convinced to sell it, you deserve to keep in what is clearly your family! I’m not sure I’m convinced this chap really deserves you though…I hope he’ll move on from this asap!

Arabellla · 19/02/2022 23:32

@August1980

Ditch him. Move in with Becca and god child abs enjoy your life and your money! He just bloody annoys me. He needs to put a ring on YOUR finger before he has any say in your financial affairs…
Why would OP move in with Becca? She has a house.
Elle8344 · 19/02/2022 23:36

@LightfoldEngines

Cheeky twat, thinks he’s entitled to a flat you bought years before you even met him?! Even more so when you have your best friend who is a single mother living there.

If he didn’t STFU about this I’d be seriously reconsidering the relationship because he’s got red flags all over him.

Totally agree 👍
Geppili · 20/02/2022 01:38

Grabby, entitled twat. Do not sell it at his behest.

Viviennemary · 20/02/2022 01:43

Keep the flat but you need to be charging the market rate for rent. I would get rid of the DP. Too controllling by half.

Geppili · 20/02/2022 01:45

Btw, Op, the richest treasure he has is you, as you sound like a very intelligent, compassionate and independent woman.

makesmestronger · 20/02/2022 02:23

Was in a similar position to you some years ago and I sold and regretted it, you have good tenants in there the property is being looked after it is increasing in value better than if you had ISA etc, I since broke up with partner and a couple of years later the property came back up for sale and I bought it again - don’t be pushed in to a decision- you clearly are uncomfortable with selling stick to your guns and listen to your inner voice

AintNobodyHereButUsChickens · 20/02/2022 08:03

@Viviennemary

Keep the flat but you need to be charging the market rate for rent. I would get rid of the DP. Too controllling by half.
@Viviennemary why? OP has already said more than once that she has no intention of raising the rent.
Myotherusernamesafunnyone · 20/02/2022 08:22

@otherlineeyes

Don't sell the flat. You are being v kind to your friend, but could she meet somewhere in the middle rent wise - closer to market rate? But as you say, dp is greedy! He wants your money. Protect your asset, tell him you want to save it for future when you might really need it ( eg having rental income would be so helpful when on maternity leave). And important for you to have a safety net if the relationship doesn't work out (is that what he wants? to remove the safety net?)
This Please please don't sell x
Bringsexyback · 20/02/2022 08:35

I sold my house to pay for my wedding and home improvements to ex’s property. He always look down on my Little house on the flight Path Of an airport, it’s just a very ordinary three bed Semi, he wouldn’t entertain moving there even though that would’ve been by far the most sensible option so we kept his posh house and sold my little one needless to say when we came to sell his posh house it hadn’t increased in value as much as my little one even with the home improvements and then of course when we split up I could’ve done with a three bedroom house.