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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not sell my old flat?

492 replies

baconroll12 · 18/02/2022 10:41

12 years ago when I was single I bought a gorgeous old 2 bedroom flat that was a bit rundown in a not so nice area. I flatshared with my best friend (lets call her Becca) for most of the time I lived there and we tried our hand at some DIY/restoration and had the place looking incredible.

My DP and I bought a house 3 years ago and before that he lived with his parents. We're not married and we have a joint bank account that all bills come out of with our own separate savings and current accounts.

Becca and her DH split a few years ago in pretty awful circumstances and her and my goddaughter (4) moved back into my flat. The rent is the same as it was when we lived together.

My DP has become quite fixated on this flat. The run down area has now been fully gentrified and is one of the top places to live in the area. He told me that the going rate for rent is now 5 x what Becca pays. He's also looked into recently sold prices and told me what 'we' could do with the money if I sold the flat now. DP has a lot of excellent qualities but he is extremely greedy when it comes to money.

It's become a really touchy subject for us and he keeps saying that I want to keep the flat because it reminds me of my 'wild single days' and that I'm not fully committed to the relationship until I let go of the flat.

YABU- sell the flat
YANBU- keep the flat as you'll need it when you leave him (said in slight jest)

OP posts:
Mitzi067 · 20/02/2022 09:47

Baconroll12.
If you feel sure he is mean-minded with money, he will never change. Money features in many aspects in life and his attitude with money will fester within you. If, as he says "the flat reminds him of your 'wild single days' and that you are not fully committed to the relationship until you let go of the flat" (sounds controlling) then likewise his stinginess will do the same for you. Do not give up your little piece of financial independence. If you do, you will regret it, take it from one who has had a similar experience!

GillKC · 20/02/2022 09:53

YANBU. Also don’t marry him as when you divorce him he will be entitled to half the value of it no matter what you do. It happened to my favourite husband (the one I’m married to now). My dear dead MIL tried to keep it all from his ex she managed to with the money she left but not the house

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 20/02/2022 10:32

Just jumping on this thread to say you sound like an amazing friend and godmother. Some things in live are worth more than money and this demonstrates that.

rhianfitz · 20/02/2022 11:26

Absolutely keep the flat, you sound fab

Blossomtoes · 20/02/2022 13:07

@Viviennemary

Keep the flat but you need to be charging the market rate for rent. I would get rid of the DP. Too controllling by half.
No, she doesn’t. RTFT.
Original poster
baconroll12 · 20/02/2022 13:08

Thanks all for the helpful responses.

We had a talk about it last night and I've told him to forget about my flat completely. We do have the cash to do the things he wants to the house but I've stressed that if its only to increase the value of the property and not because its anything he desperately wants then he needs to have a longer think about it.

He's never suggested I up the rent because he has £ signs in his eyes when he thinks of the final sale figure, he wouldn't be looking for a little extra each month (which would be my money anyway).

OP posts:
Cosmos123 · 20/02/2022 13:25

Hate greedy people.
I just can't be comfortable in their company.
Negative draining vibes destroy the soul.

Cosmos123 · 20/02/2022 13:26

DO NOT MARRY HIM

MarchingOnTogether · 20/02/2022 13:55

In your shoes I'd treat it as a pension pot and only sell close to retirement age

theonlygirl · 20/02/2022 14:49

Not sure what's worse, his desire to throw your friend and her daughter out on the street or his reference to your "wild" single days in his pathetic attempt at emotional blackmail to get you to do what he wants. I guess he has some good points?

Killeen88 · 20/02/2022 15:56

Do not sell your flat!
It's literally none of his business and if he takes offence that you want to keep it, then I'd be questioning his motives.

That flat is your nest egg/ rainy day fund/ retirement fund....or god forbid, your fall back plan, if something goes wrong with your relationship!
If you can afford to keep it and want to keep it. Don't let anyone control what you do with your property, even if they're your significant other.

TheHumanExperience · 20/02/2022 18:02

@AffIt

Absolutely not. It's your investment and, assuming the rent you're charging your friend covers the mortgage (if you have one on that property) so that you're not paying out twice, has absolutely nothing to do with your DP.

Apart from anything else, you're not married, so apart from the joint ownership of the house you live in, you have no assets in kind.

I must be honest, I find stinginess or grasping behaviour when it comes to money a massive turn-off, so I would probably be re-thinking this relationship in general, but only you know if he's decent in other ways.

This 100% I'm afraid this would put me right off him. You can't say we didn't warn you.
hedgehogger1 · 20/02/2022 18:04

Maybe up the rent a bit as you'll have costs at some point. Make sure you've got her deposit in a proper protected scheme.

Joxster · 21/02/2022 13:45

@baconroll12

Thanks all for the helpful responses.

We had a talk about it last night and I've told him to forget about my flat completely. We do have the cash to do the things he wants to the house but I've stressed that if its only to increase the value of the property and not because its anything he desperately wants then he needs to have a longer think about it.

He's never suggested I up the rent because he has £ signs in his eyes when he thinks of the final sale figure, he wouldn't be looking for a little extra each month (which would be my money anyway).

How was his response to this, out of interest? If he was fairly positive and he doesn’t raise it again, I’d take that a good indication that he was just being a bit tone deaf and hadn’t thought before engaging mouth (repeatedly) about the money.

If he brings it up again in future, I guess that’s 🚩 territory.

Doratheexploret · 21/02/2022 13:48

Don’t sell. Firstly It’s an investment. Secondly your partner sounds greedy. It’s your money not his!

sillysmiles · 23/02/2022 13:47

He needs to put a ring on YOUR finger before he has any say in your financial affairs…

That'd be a great investment for him - a few K for a ring and he gets half a half. The OP has nothing to gain by marrying him.

redambergreengo · 23/02/2022 13:48

YANBU Keep the flat.

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