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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School mother smells of alcohol

575 replies

Curiousaboutthoughts · 17/02/2022 16:27

NC for this as my usual account is pretty revealing. There’s a mother at school - I really like her, she’s fun and her children are great. However, several times I have now noticed that she absolutely STINKS of stale alcohol during the school run. I guess I just want to know peoples thoughts about this. I can’t really do anything and I’m not trying to be judgemental (honest!) but it’s hard to connect the part of me which really likes her to the part of me that finds this off-putting. My parents are both alcoholics so I am biased though.

OP posts:
Stressedout1009 · 17/02/2022 16:28

Wouldn't the teachers have also noticed?

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 17/02/2022 16:30

Tbh I smell of alcohol a fair bit because I paint all the time and wash my brushes in it.

If she isn't visibly drunk, which I assume you would have mentioned, just carry on as normal.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 17/02/2022 16:30

I think she probrably drinks too much. Doesn't mean she is a bad mother or you can't be her friend.

girlmom21 · 17/02/2022 16:31

I used to get a lift to primary school with SM's friend who worked at the school. They used a scent in their house/car that I always thought smelt like stale beer.

Are you sure it's not just her 'scent' or perfume?

PurpleDaisies · 17/02/2022 16:31

I would drop an email to the school safeguarding person saying you’ve noticed this and you’re a bit concerned. They are in the best position to decide whether/how to proceed.

Colderthanever · 17/02/2022 16:32

@PurpleDaisies

I would drop an email to the school safeguarding person saying you’ve noticed this and you’re a bit concerned. They are in the best position to decide whether/how to proceed.
Oh cmon now,,,really?
AnnaSW1 · 17/02/2022 16:33

@PurpleDaisies I'm with you.

KittenKong · 17/02/2022 16:33

Is she drunk or smells of something that smells like drink (could be other chemicals).

Where I worked we had a mum do lunchtime pickups three sheets to the wind often enough for staff to 'have a word'.

x2boys · 17/02/2022 16:34

If it's stale ,she might have drunk the evening before?
Is she driving ?, assuming she's not over the limit ,it's not really anyone elses buissness .

PurpleDaisies · 17/02/2022 16:34

Yes, really. I’m a teacher. When I’ve had concerns about parents I’ve discussed them with the safeguarding person. That’s a totally appropriate thing to do.

You don’t think a parent stinking of alcohol on the school run is concerning?

Original poster
Curiousaboutthoughts · 17/02/2022 16:34

100-% alcohol - I know it very well.

Come on I’m not going to email the school. I just want to know if this is ok or not really as I said I am very biased re drinking so not sure how unreasonable my strong reaction is

OP posts:
Original poster
Curiousaboutthoughts · 17/02/2022 16:34

She doesn’t drive them to school.

OP posts:
User12398712 · 17/02/2022 16:35

Stinking of stale alcohol is odd. Do you mean her clothes rather than her breath? If so, I would be wondering if she worked in a bar or something similar.

girlmom21 · 17/02/2022 16:35

@x2boys

If it's stale ,she might have drunk the evening before? Is she driving ?, assuming she's not over the limit ,it's not really anyone elses buissness .
If she's drinking to the point of still smelling of alcohol on the school run I think it's a safeguarding concern, and it's highly unlikely she's under the limit if that's the case.
BrambleRoses · 17/02/2022 16:35

If it’s stale alcohol it’s more than likely from the night before.

PurpleDaisies · 17/02/2022 16:36

@Curiousaboutthoughts

100-% alcohol - I know it very well.

Come on I’m not going to email the school. I just want to know if this is ok or not really as I said I am very biased re drinking so not sure how unreasonable my strong reaction is

If you’re not going to do anything, why ask?

No, it isn’t normal for a parent to reek of stale alcohol. Your reaction is reasonable. Ignoring it isn’t reasonable.

Hopefully someone else who is prepared to flag it will notice so someone can check all is well.

WhenIHadYou · 17/02/2022 16:36

I'd mention it to school and then leave it to them.

Up to you if you wish to pursue the friendship or not. You don't need to justify yourself either way. I can understand that it would make you feel uncomfortable given your family history. I'm sorry OP.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 17/02/2022 16:36

Unless her behaviour and demeanour suggests that she is drunk, I wouldn't do anything.

We had a temp once who (in my opinion) smelled like stale alcohol. I mentioned it to my colleagues and they all thought it was an unfortunate cologne. I'm sure they were right, and it may be something similar or a medical condition.

ChaoticWoman · 17/02/2022 16:37

My mil used to collect all the grandchildren from school and I'd never let her look after my dd because I started smelling stale alcohol on her. I had my suspicions for about a year before anyone else believed me that she might have had a drinking problem, and she very very much did.

WalkingOnSonshine · 17/02/2022 16:37

If you’re not going to email the school, then you obviously don’t think it’s a safety concern or problem, so not sure what you think you’ll get as an answer on here.

x2boys · 17/02/2022 16:37

@Curiousaboutthoughts

She doesn’t drive them to school.
Is she visibly drunk if not I wouldn't give it a second thought ,what would you hope to achieve ,some people enjoy a drink .
KittenKong · 17/02/2022 16:38

When we had this issue (I'm not teaching staff) I asked a relative who is a safeguarding lead in a school and he was pretty horrified that nothing had been done (the head didn't want to speak to the mum about it - didn't want to have a confrontation). Even she eventually had 'a word' with the mum.

My SIL was an alcoholic and the one who would pick up the kids from school flying high on vodka. She just wasn't fit to be caring for small children (could be violent and nasty).

Blossomtoes · 17/02/2022 16:38

@PurpleDaisies

I would drop an email to the school safeguarding person saying you’ve noticed this and you’re a bit concerned. They are in the best position to decide whether/how to proceed.
Would you? What an unpleasant thing to do.
ANameChangeAgain · 17/02/2022 16:38

Before you run to SS make sure she doesn't have a form of diabetes!

MsTSwift · 17/02/2022 16:39

Why do people make up these excuses? it’s how you smell when you are an alcoholic not when you’ve had a couple of glasses of wine the night before. Op should know she’s the one that is there and is the child of alcoholics herself. I had a secretary like that once. It’s pretty distinctive.

Don’t know what I would do though if she’s driving you should report