Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School mother smells of alcohol

575 replies

Curiousaboutthoughts · 17/02/2022 16:27

NC for this as my usual account is pretty revealing. There’s a mother at school - I really like her, she’s fun and her children are great. However, several times I have now noticed that she absolutely STINKS of stale alcohol during the school run. I guess I just want to know peoples thoughts about this. I can’t really do anything and I’m not trying to be judgemental (honest!) but it’s hard to connect the part of me which really likes her to the part of me that finds this off-putting. My parents are both alcoholics so I am biased though.

OP posts:
ddshocker · 17/02/2022 16:39

There's a type of diabetes that can cause this @Curiousaboutthoughts be careful

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 17/02/2022 16:39

Perfume.

Perfumes all smell like vodka/gin to me. People smell things differently. Maybe you’re the same?

PurpleDaisies · 17/02/2022 16:40

@ANameChangeAgain

Before you run to SS make sure she doesn't have a form of diabetes!
It’s not anyone’s role to be investigating before highlighting something they’re worried about to the right person (the school safeguarding lead, or possibly the class teacher who can pass it along).
GregoryFluff · 17/02/2022 16:40

Is she really germ anxious?
Some of the alcohol gels you can get smell really strong

Original poster
Curiousaboutthoughts · 17/02/2022 16:40

Presumably as someone said, a teacher would notice this anyway if it’s of concern to them

OP posts:
WhenIHadYou · 17/02/2022 16:40

Lots of people who have alcohol problems aren't visibly drunk all the time. But if someone is drinking sufficient amounts of booze that they smell of it the next day, regularly, then they are a problem drinker. And it's not great and can be dangerous for children to grow up in a household with a problem drinker.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 17/02/2022 16:41

mummywasasecretdrinker.blogspot.com/2019/03/the-best-new-sober-blogs.html?m=1

Have a read of this lots of functional alcoholics out there

Mrsjayy · 17/02/2022 16:41

If you don't want to report any concerns to the school then there isn't anything else to do just carry on as you do . No I don't think rocking up to school smelling of booze is remotely ok or normal and if I did think children were in harms way I'd report to the school.

Original poster
Curiousaboutthoughts · 17/02/2022 16:41

Guys honestly it’s alcohol. It’s not perfume or anything else. We had an evening drinks and she was so drunk she couldn’t operate her phone and was the last to go home. I suspect a drinking problem.

OP posts:
Seemssounfair · 17/02/2022 16:42

I just want to know if this is ok or not

Want to know what is ok or not?

That she stinks? That she might have an addiction? That she is, potentially, in charge of her children while hungover?

If you are not going to do anything about it, are you just asking so you know whether to judge her or not? Confused what you are looking for here.......

ANameChangeAgain · 17/02/2022 16:42

I'm not really suggesting she actually investigates @PurpleDaisies, I'm just pointing out that she could be gossiping and reporting someone who actually has a very serious illness associated with Type 1 Diabetes.

CheesusWept · 17/02/2022 16:42

How often is this happening?

When my sister drinks alcohol, the next day she stinks of it. It’s almost as if it’s coming from her pores.

She may have had a few heavy nights. Not enough evidence to say if she has a drink problem and kids at risk of harm. Especially as she isn’t driving.

WhenIHadYou · 17/02/2022 16:42

Then you should speak to the school.

girlmom21 · 17/02/2022 16:42

@Curiousaboutthoughts

Guys honestly it’s alcohol. It’s not perfume or anything else. We had an evening drinks and she was so drunk she couldn’t operate her phone and was the last to go home. I suspect a drinking problem.
If you genuinely believe she has a problem I think it's your responsibility to highlight it - not wait for a teacher to notice.
x2boys · 17/02/2022 16:43

What exactly would school do about a bit of vague information about a mother smelling of stale alcohol?
The Op has said the mother isn't driving
Unless she's visibly drunk on pick up realistically what would happen?

Original poster
Curiousaboutthoughts · 17/02/2022 16:44

Sorry this is a bit of a mess of a post I’m
Just not sure what to do as I really like her and don’t want to get her into trouble but this is a triggering issue for me and in my experience it’s horrible
If your parents drink like this. The smell reminds me of my childhood and my mother smelt like that most days. That said, she could be drinking whilst children are in bed and then who cares I suppose?

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 17/02/2022 16:45

You have a reason to be concerned. You have a moral duty to highlight this to someone who can decide whether that concern is justified or not.

girlmom21 · 17/02/2022 16:45

But if you can smell it they can too.
Kids wake in the night or will wake early in the morning and see her drunk or passed out if she genuinely does have a problem. They won't be shielded if it is what you think it is.

Original poster
Curiousaboutthoughts · 17/02/2022 16:45

When my sister drinks alcohol, the next day she stinks of it. It’s almost as if it’s coming from her pores

It’s this

@Seemssounfair

I don’t know what I’m looking for. I just wanted to discuss it but can’t with anyone in real life.

OP posts:
Onthedowns · 17/02/2022 16:47

@PurpleDaisies

You have a reason to be concerned. You have a moral duty to highlight this to someone who can decide whether that concern is justified or not.
Totally agree.

If only someone had taken this approach with me i might not have been left with an alcohol father for many years.

There is no harm in reporting if even for a welfare check

Pinkflipflop85 · 17/02/2022 16:47

@x2boys

What exactly would school do about a bit of vague information about a mother smelling of stale alcohol? The Op has said the mother isn't driving Unless she's visibly drunk on pick up realistically what would happen?
It is a good idea to mention to school as it could be part of a bigger picture.
Icantremembermyusername · 17/02/2022 16:48

Ex DP once bought me a fig scented Jo Malone perfume. It was OK but developed into a sort of musty smell as the day wore on.
Asked a school run friend to 'sniff me and be honest'. She said I smelt like I was wearing dirty clothes and as if I'd been drinking. Clean clothes, showered, not been drinking!
Perfume went in the bin.
Not saying that is the case here, but there is always room for doubt!

ChrimboGateauxCatto · 17/02/2022 16:48

You tell the school safeguarding lead and no one else. Let them work it out.

FoggySpecs · 17/02/2022 16:48

I once lived with a nursery teacher who was a total alcoholic, seriously stank every morning, she also always chewed gum and wore very pungent perfume to mask it.

I would speak to the mum concerned first before approaching the safeguarding team, it might be the wake up call she needs.

Also some people drink a lot to hide stuff we had a mum at DS's nursery who apparently had an issue, sometimes I would she her with her DS walking to school in the morning so I offered them a lift otherwise her DS would have been late. Poor woman her DH had dumped her and moved in with his new girlfriend who was pregnant, her mum lived in the States and she would just call her and sob after putting her DS to bed and neck a bottle of vodka. She was on form again by pick up and went to the park, hosted playdates etc.

Shuffletime · 17/02/2022 16:48

After all the child abuse reports in the news recently, all the threads on MN telling posters to report, I can't believe all the posters on here saying to ignore! Safeguarding is EVERYONE'S responsibility. Not your place to investigate, but absolutely 100% without a shadow of a doubt your duty to report. Doesn't have to be anything scary, just an email to the school Safeguarding lead like pp mentioned.

Swipe left for the next trending thread