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Original poster

School mother smells of alcohol

575 replies

Curiousaboutthoughts · 17/02/2022 16:27

NC for this as my usual account is pretty revealing. There’s a mother at school - I really like her, she’s fun and her children are great. However, several times I have now noticed that she absolutely STINKS of stale alcohol during the school run. I guess I just want to know peoples thoughts about this. I can’t really do anything and I’m not trying to be judgemental (honest!) but it’s hard to connect the part of me which really likes her to the part of me that finds this off-putting. My parents are both alcoholics so I am biased though.

OP posts:
Chestofdraws · 17/02/2022 17:00

Also you’ve said “several times” can you contextualise. That doesn’t sound like a daily thing. How often does she smell of what you think is alcohol please?

Original poster
Curiousaboutthoughts · 17/02/2022 17:01

@Chestofdraws

Yes there is

OP posts:
Original poster
Curiousaboutthoughts · 17/02/2022 17:02

@Chestofdraws

The thing is I don’t see her every day - I would say 30% of the time I do see her. But that’s not every day. And it’s just such a strong smell like she must be drinking A LOT

OP posts:
Popfan · 17/02/2022 17:02

Totally agree with @PurpleDaisies. I'm a safeguarding lead and we would take this seriously. As other posters have said it could also add to a part of a bigger picture.

Ozanj · 17/02/2022 17:02

[quote Curiousaboutthoughts]@Ozanj

I’m just confused[/quote]
Don’t be. Just report it. There is no need to overthink it

UserWithNoUserName · 17/02/2022 17:03

@marykitty

My DM smells of alcohol...because of her diabetes. You have to be 200000% sure before reporting this to someone else.
No you don't. It's not anyones job to investigate. OP can highlight and then it's up to the school to use all the information they have to decide on what to do next.

People don't report concerns because they are afraid to be wrong. And it causes real damage.

Original poster
Curiousaboutthoughts · 17/02/2022 17:03

Who to mention to at school? And how?

OP posts:
ChameFangeNail · 17/02/2022 17:03

Tell the safeguarding lead at the school. Don't bring it up with her to her face. There's no point.

I was the child of an alcoholic and it was shit. I really wish someone had stepped in and made sure I was okay.

As an adult today I still feel so let down by the people who should've been looking out for me. It was so obvious but no one ever said anything and I suffered more than I needed to because I guess too many people were worried it might be 'perfume' or 'diabetes' instead of traumatising benign neglect that nearly ruined my life.

PurpleDaisies · 17/02/2022 17:03

Yes, but you also have other information that you have not shared here.

You know you have a reason for concern here.

How would you feel if something awful happened and you’d just decided to ignore it?

kittensinthekitchen · 17/02/2022 17:04

Oh ffs.

If you have safeguarding concerns about kids, report it.

None of this "Maybe she's diabetic", "Maybe she had a wine last night", "Oh as long as she doesn't look drunk" crap. This is actual people, dependent little people, you are talking about.

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 17/02/2022 17:04

Op you're dripfeeding now.

First its a school mum, now its a friend that you've seen getting absolutely hammered and other worrying things have been said by her and seen by you.

If you're worried about a school mum, tell the school, if she is, in fact, a friend, talk to her first.

Ozanj · 17/02/2022 17:04

@marykitty

My DM smells of alcohol...because of her diabetes. You have to be 200000% sure before reporting this to someone else.
No you bloody don’t. You report it and if it turns out someone under 50 has such severe uncontrolled diabetes her breath smells of alcohol then she can prove it.
AlwaysOutside · 17/02/2022 17:04

You should report your concerns, it's up to safeguarding to take it forward if they feel children are at risk. I was in a similarish situation recently and reported my concerns without hesitation. Would hate to think children could be at risk and I turned a blind eye

Confrontayshunme · 17/02/2022 17:05

I spoke to the school about a friend's DH who had charge of the kids while she was at work. It was mortifying but he smelled like alcohol despite being lovely, smiley and warm. It was escalated appropriately within school, and a few months later when he went on a bender and left their toddler in a pub garden, I was grateful school already knew and social care were involved.

PurpleDaisies · 17/02/2022 17:06

@Curiousaboutthoughts

Who to mention to at school? And how?
The school website should have contact details for the safeguarding lead. If not, phone reception and ask for them.
ForeverSingle881 · 17/02/2022 17:06

Report it. I say this as someone who grew up around alcoholics, it really is a recipe for neglect and she is likely a bad parent.

UserWithNoUserName · 17/02/2022 17:07

@kittensinthekitchen

Oh ffs.

If you have safeguarding concerns about kids, report it.

None of this "Maybe she's diabetic", "Maybe she had a wine last night", "Oh as long as she doesn't look drunk" crap. This is actual people, dependent little people, you are talking about.

I agree, and I am shocked. Would they minimise other signs of neglect? Oh, Johnny doesn't have a coat when he walks to school in the winter. Maybe he refused to put it on! Oh, Susie looks really thin and is always hungry, but oh well. Maybe she's having a growth spurt.
mathanxiety · 17/02/2022 17:08

@Curiousaboutthoughts, so sorry your childhood and the relationship with your parents was marred by alcoholism.

This must be hard for you. Maybe your early years could have been different if someone had stepped in and asked serious questions?

I really urge you to get past the observation that the children are lovely - that really only means they are masking a good deal of upset and pain quite well.

If I were you I would absolutely contact the safeguarding head. Alcoholism is a progressive disease. The family will come to the point where the fallout of the mother's drinking will have a serious impact.

Yes, she will be defensive if anyone inquires about her drinking. That's because denial is a part of alcoholism. It's not something you can control.

kittensinthekitchen · 17/02/2022 17:08

@PurpleDaisies

Not all schools have websites.

@Curiousaboutthoughts

If you don't know who the safeguarding lead is, ask the reception staff, they'll point you in the right direction.

Quirrelsotherface · 17/02/2022 17:08

Would you? What an unpleasant thing to do

What if they are potentially saving the children from a possible miserable existence with an alcoholic parent though?

It is definitely not normal to stink of alcohol on the school run most days.

s1h2o3na · 17/02/2022 17:09

@Curiousaboutthoughts

The thing is my experience is that drinkers are massively defensive so a friendly chat won’t go down well. Any suggestions of what to say welcome.
i know, its challenging to contemplate but having worked in alcohol and drug services, there can be key points on a persons journey where someone can be open to influences... its not necessarily coming out with "oi you smell of drink" its more like initially developing a rapport and being genuinely interested in how she is or expressing that you feel a bit worried about her...but i know that's more easily said than done and may or may not be appropriate to your situation!! you do have a life experience that may or may not be something you'd like to share with her...no judgement from me if that path isn't for you. Well-being officers in schools can be useful to approach because other people/teachers may already be highlighting aspects if there are any concerns about children's welfare. As someone who was mentally fairly unwell at one point in my childrens life I'm aware you can be appearing to function from a society's perspective but not be able to meet your kids needs and also be reluctant to ask for help.
PurpleDaisies · 17/02/2022 17:09

[quote kittensinthekitchen]@PurpleDaisies

Not all schools have websites.

@Curiousaboutthoughts

If you don't know who the safeguarding lead is, ask the reception staff, they'll point you in the right direction.[/quote]
I literally said that if the details weren’t on the website , the op should ring reception. It’s the very next sentence of my post.

kittensinthekitchen · 17/02/2022 17:11

@PurpleDaisies

But the information not being on the website still assumes there's a website there in the first place Confused

Crazykatie · 17/02/2022 17:12

This woman does not try to hide the alcohol aura so is past caring what others think, some women with children do drink a lot. I do the early shift at the supermarket, several women bring the kids to buy their lunch and take a bottle of wine home as well, very regular but I’m not there every day.
I wouldnt report anyone unless they were drink driving, then let the police handle it.p

PurpleDaisies · 17/02/2022 17:13

[quote kittensinthekitchen]@PurpleDaisies

But the information not being on the website still assumes there's a website there in the first place Confused[/quote]
Ffs.
Most schools have websites. If the op can’t find the details on the website, either because they just aren’t there or in the unlikely situation that the website doesn’t exist, the op should phone reception.

I honestly don’t know why you felt you need to clarify that.,

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