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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School mother smells of alcohol

575 replies

Curiousaboutthoughts · 17/02/2022 16:27

NC for this as my usual account is pretty revealing. There’s a mother at school - I really like her, she’s fun and her children are great. However, several times I have now noticed that she absolutely STINKS of stale alcohol during the school run. I guess I just want to know peoples thoughts about this. I can’t really do anything and I’m not trying to be judgemental (honest!) but it’s hard to connect the part of me which really likes her to the part of me that finds this off-putting. My parents are both alcoholics so I am biased though.

OP posts:
3Daddy31982 · 17/02/2022 16:49

Some cheap perfume does smell of alcohol. If she's not falling down drunk how can you be 100 pc sure?

DickMabutt73962 · 17/02/2022 16:49

@Curiousaboutthoughts

She doesn’t drive them to school.
Well this would have been key to mention in the OP. As if she was I'd have reported it without question. I thought that's what your post was about, what is your AIBU?
s1h2o3na · 17/02/2022 16:49

OP as you are the child of alcoholics i think you will know more than most what the impact of alcoholism can be on children. Do you feel in any position to have a quiet chat with her and ask her how she is? If we live in a society where we care about each other I think its good that we keep an eye out for other people . Sometimes a secret drinker finds themselves "outed" and perhaps its better to happen in a gentle way rather than being caught by the police drunk driving after they've hit someone.

Original poster
Curiousaboutthoughts · 17/02/2022 16:52

The thing is my experience is that drinkers are massively defensive so a friendly chat won’t go down well. Any suggestions of what to say welcome.

OP posts:
Original poster
Curiousaboutthoughts · 17/02/2022 16:52

@3Daddy31982

Because it’s clear

OP posts:
EvilPea · 17/02/2022 16:52

I’m another who I think would mention it to the school.
It’s not to get her in trouble. It’s to make sure her kids are ok.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 17/02/2022 16:52

@Stressedout1009

Wouldn't the teachers have also noticed?
DD’s primary school have not let parents in the playground since lockdown. We’ve not been up close and personal with teachers for a year!
SpeckledlyHen · 17/02/2022 16:52

@PurpleDaisies

I would drop an email to the school safeguarding person saying you’ve noticed this and you’re a bit concerned. They are in the best position to decide whether/how to proceed.
You are actually kidding right?
EvilPea · 17/02/2022 16:55

@Shuffletime

After all the child abuse reports in the news recently, all the threads on MN telling posters to report, I can't believe all the posters on here saying to ignore! Safeguarding is EVERYONE'S responsibility. Not your place to investigate, but absolutely 100% without a shadow of a doubt your duty to report. Doesn't have to be anything scary, just an email to the school Safeguarding lead like pp mentioned.
I know. I’m a bit surprised as well. It’s not calling in “the social” it’s just mentioning something to the school that they will have missed because of lockdown It might be nothing Or it might join some dots up that gets the family a bit of support.
Shuffletime · 17/02/2022 16:55

@SpeckledlyHen

Why would she be kidding? Its the right thing to do in this situation.

cheeseisthebest · 17/02/2022 16:55

@Shuffletime

After all the child abuse reports in the news recently, all the threads on MN telling posters to report, I can't believe all the posters on here saying to ignore! Safeguarding is EVERYONE'S responsibility. Not your place to investigate, but absolutely 100% without a shadow of a doubt your duty to report. Doesn't have to be anything scary, just an email to the school Safeguarding lead like pp mentioned.
This absolutely.
marykitty · 17/02/2022 16:55

My DM smells of alcohol...because of her diabetes. You have to be 200000% sure before reporting this to someone else.

PurpleDaisies · 17/02/2022 16:55

Didn’t you read any of the rest of my posts @SpeckledlyHen?
I have already explained why I would email the safeguarding lead.

Anyone who has a reason to be worried about a child’s home situation should pass those concerns on. It is not snitching. It is not punishing anyone. It is potentially getting the parent badly needed support and saving a child from a bad situation.

Ozanj · 17/02/2022 16:56

@Curiousaboutthoughts

100-% alcohol - I know it very well.

Come on I’m not going to email the school. I just want to know if this is ok or not really as I said I am very biased re drinking so not sure how unreasonable my strong reaction is

Then what’s the point of posting here? You’ve noticed she stinks of booze everyday, you I assume know how shit it is being raised by alchoholics, so of course telling the school or social services is the right thing to do. They are the only ones in a position to help that child which should be the only thing worth thinking / worrying about in this situation - not how strong or weak your reaction is.
Original poster
Curiousaboutthoughts · 17/02/2022 16:56

Ok it’s very helpful to see how many of people would mention to school.

OP posts:
glitterelf · 17/02/2022 16:57

@marykitty

My DM smells of alcohol...because of her diabetes. You have to be 200000% sure before reporting this to someone else.
No you don't investigate yourself you report your concerns and if it's the case of the cause being medical then no harm done however not reporting concerns could be catastrophic.
Original poster
Curiousaboutthoughts · 17/02/2022 16:57

@Ozanj

I’m just confused

OP posts:
3Daddy31982 · 17/02/2022 16:57

Are you 100 per cent sure she doesn't work in a bar? Not everyone has a washing machine/tumbler op

PurpleDaisies · 17/02/2022 16:57

@marykitty

My DM smells of alcohol...because of her diabetes. You have to be 200000% sure before reporting this to someone else.
This is wrong.

These threads make me want to throw things.

This is how children are stuck in abusive situations for far longer than they need to be.

People should report concerns. It’s them down to safeguarding professionals to determine if those concerns need to be acted upon.

cherrysthename · 17/02/2022 16:58

The school won't do anything. Drinking isn't illegal. If she has a drink problem, she will not be inclined to tackle it because a member of staff pulled her up on it.

I can see why this has really upset you though, OP with your personal experience. Given it's an emotive subject for you, I'd really advise against saying anything to the mum. I don't predict it will go well and more feelings will be dredged up for you.

Original poster
Curiousaboutthoughts · 17/02/2022 16:58

It’s alcohol. It’s 100% alcohol. I know from experience but also from context of things said/previous things seen with her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Curiousaboutthoughts · 17/02/2022 16:59

Ffs yes I am sure she doesn’t work in a bar she has become a friend I know what her job is and that she doesn’t have diabetes and that she enjoys a drink.

OP posts:
Chestofdraws · 17/02/2022 16:59

Op, is there another parent in the house?

PleasantBirthday · 17/02/2022 16:59

I'm a bit surprised at how quick so many posters are to minimise this and think up any other reason other than alcohol. OP, your suspicions are probably correct, there is an awful lot of alcohol abuse around and it's not normal to often smell of it on the school run.

Not sure what you can actually do though.

PurpleDaisies · 17/02/2022 17:00

@Chestofdraws

Op, is there another parent in the house?
Why does that matter?