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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU / WWYD re missed driving lesson

201 replies

ComfyQuilt · 15/02/2022 15:27

DD forgot she had a driving lesson today and didn’t hear her phone. The doorbell in our car port does not work (DH only just told me this) so the the instructor went away, even though we were all at home.

This is the AIBU/ WWYD part… only two days ago I spoke to the instructor and texted him as I am going to be his main contact for a driving test cancellation app that we’re using.

Bearing this in mind, do you think I’m being unreasonable to think that he might’ve rung my phone too when he got no answer from DD? We also regularly text each other about payment.

So frustrating that we now have to pay £60 when we were all at home!

Also, DD then tried ringing and texting during the remaining 45mins of the lesson time but no reply.

AIBU to think this isn’t 100% our fault? I will pay but do feel rather aggrieved about it tbh.

OP posts:
WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 15/02/2022 15:31

Nope sorry not his responsibility to chase up all possible contacts for your DD. He phoned your DD and came to the house. Not his fault the doorbell doesn’t work. 100% your DD’s responsibility

8lue8ird · 15/02/2022 15:31

He turned up for the lesson, she didn't. You should pay without quibbling whatsoever.

LIZS · 15/02/2022 15:31

Assuming dd is over 17 then yabu.She needs to learn to check her diary. He came to your house and tried to call her.

SE13Mummy · 15/02/2022 15:32

It sounds infuriating and is a waste of money but it is the fault of your DD who hadn't remembered the lesson. Had she been ready and waiting, the doorbell situation wouldn't have mattered.

Rawtinhail · 15/02/2022 15:33

I would say YANBU expecting him to call you if you had agreed to be the main point of contact, but your daughter needs to learn to be responsible for herself. If the instructor was outside the house trying to make contact that's really more on her than them.
I'm more shocked it's £60 for a 45 minute lesson!

WouldIwasShookspeared · 15/02/2022 15:33

Yabu.

Acheyknees · 15/02/2022 15:33

Absolutely your fault. Not the instructor's job to chase down his pupils.

mistermagpie · 15/02/2022 15:34

He turned up, contacted your daughter and rang the bell. I think he did everything I would expect of him and it's not really his responsibility to be chasing her up if she's forgotten. She's 17 and needs to take responsibility for forgetting, presumably she has a phone which will have a calendar on it?

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 15/02/2022 15:35

Might also be time to step back and let your DD do all communications re lessons, tests and payment surely that’s standard issue life skills stuff at this age (unless there is SEN drip feed coming)

Jellycatspyjamas · 15/02/2022 15:35

I’m another one who thinks it’s fair enough to phone your DD and come to the house, if she’s responsible enough to be learning to drive she’s responsible enough fo make sure she attends her lessons.

WrigglyDonCat · 15/02/2022 15:35

They may have forgotten about the other contact, or may take the view that all learners, if they are adult enough to learn to drive, are adult enough to manage their time and be aware of what they have on and when.

It is very frustrating as an instructor having missed lessons - and it happens a lot (I have had weeks where probably 20% of lessons have cancelled at short notice or just been no shows, and students usually just expect me to rearrange them for the next convenient date). It is often the same ones time and again as well.

Personally I don't charge for missed lessons, I regard it as a necessarily evil cost of doing business and would rather retain the goodwill than charge. Many take the opposing view as above - if you're responsible enough to be behind the wheel, you should be able to organise your life, and if you make mistakes, to live with the consequences.

That said, mess me around too much and you're looking for a new instructor (and they ain't easy to obtain at the present...)

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 15/02/2022 15:35

YABVU.

It's not the instructors job to hang around and chase DD up. She's at least 17 and more than capable of sorting this on her own.

You should pay with good grace and get DD to pay you back.

ANameChangeAgain · 15/02/2022 15:37

Frustrating but he turned up and tried to contact your dd and ring the bell. Its your (collective) fault that the lesson was forgotten, phone and doorbell were unanswered. If you are just a contact for the app and payment then I wouldn't have expected him to phone you too.

Karwomannghia · 15/02/2022 15:37

How long is the lesson? Sounds like 2 hours. I think he should have picked her up for the remainder when she was trying to phone him back.
Ds has had his lessons cancelled last minute both times they’ve been due by the instructor so it works both ways.

Jellycatspyjamas · 15/02/2022 15:37

This is the AIBU/ WWYD part… only two days ago I spoke to the instructor and texted him as I am going to be his main contact for a driving test cancellation app that we’re using.

I doubt he’s have saved your number on his phone, so he’s need to go back through and work out which number was yours which can be tricky - it’s wholly your daughters fault, an expensive life lesson for her.

AchillesPoirot · 15/02/2022 15:37

Absolutely your DDs fault. Make her pay you back.

ANameChangeAgain · 15/02/2022 15:38

Misses the point, but are lessons really £80 an hour now!? Shock

ANameChangeAgain · 15/02/2022 15:39

£60 for 45 minutes, but all the same, Shock

Secretstory · 15/02/2022 15:39

My DP is a driving instructor if this happens and he had a parents number he would ring it. But so many people cancel lessons short notice or dont turn up and then expect not to pay it can be really frustrating so if he rang your DD and rang the door bell, I think that's fair enough. I would make your DD pay so she doesn't forget again

Madickenxx · 15/02/2022 15:42

This happened to DD. She overslept. The instructor does have my number as I rang him to arrange the lessons originally but DD manages lesson bookings direct. DD had to pay for the lost lesson...she's not overslept again!

brainhurts · 15/02/2022 15:43

This it your DD fault , driving instructor did all he could to contact her .

Change123today · 15/02/2022 15:43

The driving instructor dealt with my daughter around availability times etc It was my daughters responsibility to ensure that if she needed to cancel she gave 24 hour notice, be on time for lessons etc

Yes it’s annoying but (expensive) lesson learnt for your daughter!!

Original poster
ComfyQuilt · 15/02/2022 15:45

Ha no, the lesson is £40 per hour. 45 was left when she saw the missed call.

Yes it’s DD’s fault and she does have adhd.
It’s not really my fault personally as I didn’t know she had a lesson.

I just think that as DD specifically said to him only last week that we’d link my contact number to the app as she can’t always get to her phone ( when in lessons) that he might have rung me. I’m obviously expecting too much.

OP posts:
Meandthesky · 15/02/2022 15:45

YABU

If DD is old enough to drive then she’s old enough to take responsibility for communicating with her instructor and for remembering when she has arranged a lesson.

The instructor turned up, rang the doorbell and rang their pupil. It’s not the instructors fault DD didn’t answer and you have a broken doorbell. 100% on your DD (and you for the doorbell issue)

DearlyBeloathed · 15/02/2022 15:45

DD forgot she had a driving lesson today and didn’t hear her phone

Not really good enough. How can she just 'forget' that she has something so important? It's not his fault at all.