Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU / WWYD re missed driving lesson

201 replies

ComfyQuilt · 15/02/2022 15:27

DD forgot she had a driving lesson today and didn’t hear her phone. The doorbell in our car port does not work (DH only just told me this) so the the instructor went away, even though we were all at home.

This is the AIBU/ WWYD part… only two days ago I spoke to the instructor and texted him as I am going to be his main contact for a driving test cancellation app that we’re using.

Bearing this in mind, do you think I’m being unreasonable to think that he might’ve rung my phone too when he got no answer from DD? We also regularly text each other about payment.

So frustrating that we now have to pay £60 when we were all at home!

Also, DD then tried ringing and texting during the remaining 45mins of the lesson time but no reply.

AIBU to think this isn’t 100% our fault? I will pay but do feel rather aggrieved about it tbh.

OP posts:
Jamnation · 15/02/2022 20:26

Definitely you pay up with no quibble this time, but with my SEN parent hat on, use this to really make sure the system is solid for next time.

I have some sympathy but you can't have it both ways. If you are the main contact, then it would be reasonable to expect them to ring you BUT it's also on you to know and track when her lessons are. If you don't know, then you're not acting as a main contact.

I think it's fine to ask that next time the instructor rings you as well as DD. It's a perfectly reasonable adjustment to ask for. But, then you should also take more responsibility for knowing when her lessons are as a back up. Hopefully lesson learned and just move on.

stitchmaker85 · 15/02/2022 20:27

£60? For 45 minutes?
I'm clearly in the wrong job Shock

CoastalWave · 15/02/2022 20:32

This is exactly why I started charging my clients upfront and monthly.

I once drove 30 mins to a client - rang their bell no answer. But it obviously connected with their phone. They were on holiday abroad and had 'forgot' to tell me. I was then an hour out of pocket time wise, they didn't want to pay, it was too late to have rearranged someone else into that slot. Completely wasted my time. I was then £30 out of pocket whilst they were enjoying their £4k holiday!

Funny how people don't seem to forget now I've already got their money for their lessons.

(different self employment but same principle. Not the instructor's fault in the slightest)

chesirecat99 · 15/02/2022 20:32

Also once you’ve passed the start of lessons it’s no longer ‘your time’. You’re paying to compensate for his potential loss of income, not for him to sit around waiting!

I had assumed that OP had paid up front for the lesson, @sanbeiji, but I now I realise she didn't. When my DC learnt (3 different instructors), all lessons had to be paid when the booking was made. Probably for this very reason! I would have been pretty unhappy if I had paid for a 90 mins lesson and the instructor hadn't been willing to wait for the duration of the lesson, unless their T&Cs specified that the lesson would be deemed cancelled after X mins. I can understand why he wouldn't wait if he hadn't been paid because, regardless of what his T&Cs say, it isn't always easy to chase money for cancelled or missed lessons if the client refuses to pay up.

I still think it was a bit lacking in common sense not to come to the front door.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 15/02/2022 20:33

@stitchmaker85

£60? For 45 minutes? I'm clearly in the wrong job Shock
It's not like he's making £60 profit, though.

He'll have to pay for fuel, instructors' insurance, motor insurance, wear and tear, new tyres (more often than regular motorists), plus annual MOT and service.

Then you have to consider that most instructors are self-employed, so out of that £60 you also have to cover holiday pay, sick pay and pension.

Plus it has to cover driving time between pupils and lessons. The profit a self-employed person makes is NOTHING compared to what they charge.

PrivateHall · 15/02/2022 20:34

@ComfyQuilt

Ha no, the lesson is £40 per hour. 45 was left when she saw the missed call.

Yes it’s DD’s fault and she does have adhd.
It’s not really my fault personally as I didn’t know she had a lesson.

I just think that as DD specifically said to him only last week that we’d link my contact number to the app as she can’t always get to her phone ( when in lessons) that he might have rung me. I’m obviously expecting too much.

But that's for a different thing, plus she clearly wasn't in 'lessons' when she had booked a lesson for that time. You asked for your number to be used in relation to cancelled tests, not to chase her up when she is late for a lesson - he can only use your number for the purpose you gave permission for. ADHD is a poor excuse, your dd should have set a reminder in her phone if she knows she is forgetful. My dd has ADHD too and is extremely forgetful and easily distracted, hence why she isn't learning to drive yet!
juice92 · 15/02/2022 20:35

I think it is your DDs fault I'm afraid. I also think with 45 mins of the lesson left it might not have been viable to come back or answer the phone. When I had lessons my instructor would call me of the one before cancelled and we'd move the lesson up, he could have been teaching his next lesson and so not able to look at his phone . He may well not have your number saved and with the amount of texts/phonecalls driving instructors get, it might be quite difficult to figure out which is your number.

Tomnooktoldmeto · 15/02/2022 20:59

I’ve got 2 with ADHD currently learning to drive, as I’m paying I make sure they’re ready and waiting

I’m slightly shocked at how much you’re paying though, our lessons are £56 for 2 hours, currently paying this x 2 a week so I hope they pass soonHmm

sanbeiji · 15/02/2022 20:59

@chesirecat99

Also once you’ve passed the start of lessons it’s no longer ‘your time’. You’re paying to compensate for his potential loss of income, not for him to sit around waiting!

I had assumed that OP had paid up front for the lesson, @sanbeiji, but I now I realise she didn't. When my DC learnt (3 different instructors), all lessons had to be paid when the booking was made. Probably for this very reason! I would have been pretty unhappy if I had paid for a 90 mins lesson and the instructor hadn't been willing to wait for the duration of the lesson, unless their T&Cs specified that the lesson would be deemed cancelled after X mins. I can understand why he wouldn't wait if he hadn't been paid because, regardless of what his T&Cs say, it isn't always easy to chase money for cancelled or missed lessons if the client refuses to pay up.

I still think it was a bit lacking in common sense not to come to the front door.

I've had at least 4 different instructors. Being uncontactable is understood as lesson cancelled - both ways. For an instructor it's uncontactable before however many hours they need a lesson confirmed. For a student it's uncontactable when they show up at the doorstep. The onus is on the student to be ready. It is not the instructors job to try all possible methods of contacting the person. It is only their job to use the agreed methods and then, if failed consider the lesson cancelled. It may be nice and the going the 'extra mile' for him to knock, but if it was raining I can see why he didn't want to...
chesirecat99 · 15/02/2022 21:21

That's fine and fair, @sanbeiji, if that is what was agreed. Legally, if the instructor hasn't specified in the T&Cs what happens if the student is late or uncontactable and the lesson has been paid for up front, they would have to remain available for the duration of the lesson.

user1471457751 · 15/02/2022 21:34

@stitchmaker85 it was £60 for an hour and a half not 45 mins. And as @fairylightsandwaxmelts has said the £60 has to cover various costs.

stitchmaker85 · 15/02/2022 21:44

[quote user1471457751]**@stitchmaker85* it was £60 for an hour and a half not 45 mins. And as @fairylightsandwaxmelts* has said the £60 has to cover various costs.[/quote]
I never said that I thought she shouldn't pay!
Hmm

cherryonthecakes · 15/02/2022 21:52

She's 17!
It's not normal to contact parents about every little thing at that age eg correspondence from universities
Have your dd pay for the list lesson so she is incentivised to use a reminder app. I have a child with ADHD so I sympathise that it's harder to remember stuff but he has like 12 reminders so that he can leave on time for school (shower, put contacts in etc)

sanbeiji · 15/02/2022 22:20

@chesirecat99

That's fine and fair, *@sanbeiji*, if that is what was agreed. Legally, if the instructor hasn't specified in the T&Cs what happens if the student is late or uncontactable and the lesson has been paid for up front, they would have to remain available for the duration of the lesson.
Which law is this, and would anybody actually complain? I’d imagine the cost of defending it in court would be far more than the actual lesson fees.

Also doing that would probably ensure that the student never gets another driving instructor in the area ever again. They all know each other and nobody would want a problem student…

sanbeiji · 15/02/2022 22:30

Also @chesirecat99 it’s intriguing because for similar services there’s probably a cost to waiting.

Say a mobile beautician is paid for in advance. Arrives at client’s home. Only to find they’re not there.

  1. how is if sensible to expect the beautician to be available for the entire appointment. Where would they wait for an hour plus?

  2. If the service can’t be performed after a certain length of time what’s the point of them waiting?

Toddlerteaplease · 15/02/2022 22:44

If she's old enough to drive. She's old enough to manage it herself.

TrashyPanda · 15/02/2022 23:16

If she is old enough and mature enough to learn to drive, then she needs to take responsibility for her mistakes.

ilovesooty · 15/02/2022 23:59

If I were the instructor I'd be revisiting my contract and taking payment 24 hours in advance

Hydrate · 16/02/2022 04:06

It is your daughters fault, not at all the instructors fault. Our son forgot a lesson and we had to pay too.

Redroceritsover · 16/02/2022 04:15

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Hydrate · 16/02/2022 05:07

Yes, we told our son he had to repay us, which he did. He never missed another appointment.

CarbonelCat · 16/02/2022 08:33

"I still think it was a bit lacking in common sense not to come to the front door."

This is absurd. There would be an equal number of threads on Mumsnet of people outraged that despite their clearly being a bell in the carport, shameless arrogants were still presenting at the front door, in other circumstances!

I would feel very very much that the presence of a bell in the car port was a sign that this household do not want or expect people to go through the garden and approach the house. Pressing that bell and getting no answer, then ringing a phone and getting no answer...I think it would take a particularly bold personality type to feel it was ok to start investigating other methods of entry into the property?!

This is not the instructor's fault.

melj1213 · 16/02/2022 10:41

@Grenlei

How's the instructor other than this OP?

I'd be concerned he's a bit of a jobsworth. I'd also wonder whether if he didn't wait about and was then uncontactable for the rest of the lesson, he's actually squeezed another lesson with someone else into that slot, so double bubble.

If he's generally good, then give him the benefit of the doubt (but still feel a bit miffed). If you've got any other doubts - like I mentioned about my old instructors upthread - I'd see if anyone else locally is taking on pupils.

It's not "being a jobsworth" to not send out a search party when a student doesn't show up for a lesson Hmm

As for trying to fit in an extra lesson, I don't know anyone who would be instantly available for a driving lesson with no notice. I could see him maybe calling the next student to see if they wanted to move their lesson up/have a slightly longer lesson but more likely is that he has driven home and used the time to get some admin done or is taking a break to grab something to eat/get out of the car.

He turned up on time and tried to contact his student directly as well as ringing their doorbell. Neither were answered and the student wasn't on time. What more was he supposed to do and how long was he supposed to wait?

When I used to tutor I would turn up at the students house and ring the bell. If they didn't answer then I would try to contact the student and would only contact a parent if the student was under 16/they were the only contact number. If it was a child at an after school class I would wait a bit longer than usual (just in case they were late out of school/in traffic) but after 10 minutes if they hadn't answered the door or the phone I would leave.

People paid me for my expertise in a subject, not to sit around waiting for them. If they don't turn up and I have tried to contact them without success then I have done more than I am obliged to do and they forfeit their lesson time and the lesson fee due to their lack of notice.

SoupDragon · 16/02/2022 11:30

It’s not really my fault personally as I didn’t know she had a lesson.

It's interesting that you absolve yourself of any blame and yet the instructor should have realised the bell wasn't working and should have realised your DD didn't hear your phone but was in and available and should have also realised that you want him to phone you in these circumstances. 😂😂

sabs22 · 16/02/2022 14:14

YABU. Time for your daughter to learn about personal responsibility! I wouldn’t even expect a driving instructor to come to the door, pupils responsibility to be ready at the time of appointment.