Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU / WWYD re missed driving lesson

201 replies

ComfyQuilt · 15/02/2022 15:27

DD forgot she had a driving lesson today and didn’t hear her phone. The doorbell in our car port does not work (DH only just told me this) so the the instructor went away, even though we were all at home.

This is the AIBU/ WWYD part… only two days ago I spoke to the instructor and texted him as I am going to be his main contact for a driving test cancellation app that we’re using.

Bearing this in mind, do you think I’m being unreasonable to think that he might’ve rung my phone too when he got no answer from DD? We also regularly text each other about payment.

So frustrating that we now have to pay £60 when we were all at home!

Also, DD then tried ringing and texting during the remaining 45mins of the lesson time but no reply.

AIBU to think this isn’t 100% our fault? I will pay but do feel rather aggrieved about it tbh.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 15/02/2022 17:41

[quote ComfyQuilt]**@chesirecat99* and @fruitbrewhaha* thank you for your empathy.

Everyone else clearing thinks I’m on another planet.

The more I think about it the more I think he should knock as well as ring..the point is, there is a strong likelihood of any doorbell not working IME.

To those saying I am so unreasonable…Would it be okay to ring only and not knock if the bell was actually at the front ?? I think he didn’t want to walk down the path in the rain!![/quote]
It would've been fine for him not to knock or ring the bell at all - it's not unreasonable for him not to want to walk in the rain. That's not his job.

You didn't know your doorbell wasn't working but you expected him to guess?

TravellingFrom · 15/02/2022 17:44

Nope.

It’s your dd fault all the way. Tbh I’m not having anything to do with the driving instruire either, incl payments. If dc is old enough to drive with all the responsibilities that come with it, they are old enough to handle that sort of things (Incl nit forgetting said lesson)

TravellingFrom · 15/02/2022 17:45

Nha, it’s your responsibility if the door bell isn’t working and people think you are away…. I’m not assume door bells are not working when I do to ring someone bell.

worldvisa · 15/02/2022 17:47

[quote ComfyQuilt]**@chesirecat99* and @fruitbrewhaha* thank you for your empathy.

Everyone else clearing thinks I’m on another planet.

The more I think about it the more I think he should knock as well as ring..the point is, there is a strong likelihood of any doorbell not working IME.

To those saying I am so unreasonable…Would it be okay to ring only and not knock if the bell was actually at the front ?? I think he didn’t want to walk down the path in the rain!![/quote]
you are getting more and more unreasonable. No, there is no "strong likehood" that the doorbell is not working Hmm

It's understandable you are miffed about losing the money, but the blame is solely on your child - possibly you if you needed to micro-manage and didn't enter the lesson in your own calendar.

He already did more than he could have been expected to! He would have been perfectly reasonable to stick to a phone call, but he actually made the effort to come all the way to your house and ring!

you should be grateful he tried, instead of trying to blaming him for your kid's mistake.

Original poster
ComfyQuilt · 15/02/2022 17:47

😂😂
I’m not blaming the instructor! I’m just saying it’s not totally 100% black and white and that as he was on ‘my time’ (paid at £40 ph) it wouldn’t have hurt to come up the path. Or answer phone/ text within the paid 90 minute window!

I blame DD mainly and DH a bit and am also kicking myself for not preempting DD forgetting due to half term.

OP posts:
Jellycatspyjamas · 15/02/2022 17:47

The more I think about it the more I think he should knock as well as ring..the point is, there is a strong likelihood of any doorbell not working IME.

You didn’t know it wasn’t working, how would he know? It’s not his job to chase and hunt your daughter down to attend a lesson that she arranged.

worldvisa · 15/02/2022 17:51

@ComfyQuilt

😂😂 I’m not blaming the instructor! I’m just saying it’s not totally 100% black and white and that as he was on ‘my time’ (paid at £40 ph) it wouldn’t have hurt to come up the path. Or answer phone/ text within the paid 90 minute window!

I blame DD mainly and DH a bit and am also kicking myself for not preempting DD forgetting due to half term.

by saying he should have done this, and should have done that, you ARE blaming him. Unreasonably.
brainhurts · 15/02/2022 17:52

I think you are just making excuses for your DD and yourself. DS was always looking out for his driving instructor, I don't think she ever came to the front door . And yes I know your DD would have to walk down the drive to look out for them but that's what I would expect my DS to do . Stop blaming the instructor you knew your DD was likely to forget her lesson and did nothing about finding out when it was and reminding her .

Andacherryonthetop · 15/02/2022 17:53

She’s 17? I don’t understand why he would need to involve you at all. He turned up. She didn’t. He rang the bell. No one answered (he wasn’t to know it doesn’t work). It’s not remotely his fault. Your dd is old enough to be responsible for her lessons and set an alarm if the times change if her adhd means she might not remember. I remember missing a lesson when I was 17, I felt awful. Totally my fault and I lost £20 (mad how much the lessons have increased in price in 18 years!)

There is also definitely not a strong likelihood of a doorbell not working…

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 15/02/2022 17:53

Why is there a strong likelihood of any doorbell not working?? I really don't understand that? Confused

Jellycatspyjamas · 15/02/2022 17:55

I’m not blaming the instructor! I’m just saying it’s not totally 100% black and white and that as he was on ‘my time’ (paid at £40 ph) it wouldn’t have hurt to come up the path. Or answer phone/ text within the paid 90 minute window!

If someone isn’t responding to my calls about an appointment and don’t attend when planned they forfeit that appointment. I have other things I can be doing with that time than waiting to see if they remember and call me. I’ll give them 15 minutes but after that I’ll have picked up other tasks to save me time later.

That would doubly be the case if I had driven to their house, phoned and rang the bell. It may have been “your time” but your daughter wasn’t ready/available at the time in question so he presumably moved on to another task involved in running his business. You also said there would been 45 minutes left in the session, so your daughter was 45 minutes late in contacting him and you expect him to drop what he’s doing and accommodate her lateness. You’ve clearly never run an appointment based, self employed business.

Tohaveandtohold · 15/02/2022 17:59

It’s entirely your DD’s fault. He rang the bell and called your DD who is his student. He’s done as expected of him. I wouldn’t expect him to save your number on his phone, he had your details to use for a specific purpose, not as a back up contact

chesirecat99 · 15/02/2022 18:00

@Jellycatspyjamas

The more I think about it the more I think he should knock as well as ring..the point is, there is a strong likelihood of any doorbell not working IME.

You didn’t know it wasn’t working, how would he know? It’s not his job to chase and hunt your daughter down to attend a lesson that she arranged.

Because doorbells usually make a noise. If I ring a doorbell and don't hear anything, I would usually try knocking in case it is broken rather than a silent doorbell.
Seemssounfair · 15/02/2022 18:04

@ComfyQuilt

😂😂 I’m not blaming the instructor! I’m just saying it’s not totally 100% black and white and that as he was on ‘my time’ (paid at £40 ph) it wouldn’t have hurt to come up the path. Or answer phone/ text within the paid 90 minute window!

I blame DD mainly and DH a bit and am also kicking myself for not preempting DD forgetting due to half term.

Your dd never showed up for the appointment. It is 100% that black and white. You don't own him during that time, he is absolutely entitled to go and do something else once it was clear she was a no show.
Original poster
ComfyQuilt · 15/02/2022 18:06

@chesirecat99 exactly!!

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 15/02/2022 18:07

[quote ComfyQuilt]@hedgehogger1 yes definitely! Can you recommend one?[/quote]
I just put it on my phone calendar, I get a ring at the time I set, so say 1 hour before the lesson?

ButtockUp · 15/02/2022 18:08

It's totally your daughter's fault. That you pay the bill is neither here nor there.
She's 17. Half term is not an excuse.

You need to pay.

LIZS · 15/02/2022 18:09

But if the bell is in a carport you would not necessarily expect to hear it ring from inside the house

Sally872 · 15/02/2022 18:19

Why was dd not looking out for driving instructor arriving? I used to watch at window and run straight out to get the full hour.

Charge your dd the money for being disorganised. If she doesn't have it she can still pay it up. She should have been waiting and she should have heard phone.

I would advise dd paying for driving lessons is very expensive and I am absolutely not paying for ones she misses.

DearlyBeloathed · 15/02/2022 18:23

[quote ComfyQuilt]@chesirecat99 exactly!![/quote]
Funny, you say you're not blaming him, but here you are again using a doorbell as an excuse to continue to blame him.

AffIt · 15/02/2022 18:23

This is an absolutely classic example of:

OP: AIBU?
Vast majority of MN: Yes.
OP: No I'm not!

And thus it ever was. Smile

whistleryukon · 15/02/2022 18:24

I can't believe that you are still arguing the toss about this. The man rang the bell for your house and rang your daughter!

But she's absolved of all responsibility as she has ADHD, but also any suggestion that she might struggle with all of the admin involved in actually owning a car is silly. Which one is it?

I have ADHD and your exploitation of it to suit this specific narrative is very irritating.

sanbeiji · 15/02/2022 18:26

[quote ComfyQuilt]@chesirecat99 exactly!![/quote]
Not if the bell’s in a carport.
Also once you’ve passed the start of lessons it’s no longer ‘your time’. You’re paying to compensate for his potential loss of income, not for him to sit around waiting!

He might have brought someone else’s lesson forward hence being unable to answer phone. Really doesn’t matter.

MumsMetHer · 15/02/2022 18:26

It's fine that he didn't call you.

It isn't OK that he failed to answer even your daughter rang. He should ask for payment only up to that point of the lesson.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 15/02/2022 18:31

I’m not blaming the instructor! I’m just saying it’s not totally 100% black and white and that as he was on ‘my time’ (paid at £40 ph) it wouldn’t have hurt to come up the path. Or answer phone/ text within the paid 90 minute window!

It's not YOUR time. It's HIS time.

Swipe left for the next trending thread