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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU / WWYD re missed driving lesson

201 replies

ComfyQuilt · 15/02/2022 15:27

DD forgot she had a driving lesson today and didn’t hear her phone. The doorbell in our car port does not work (DH only just told me this) so the the instructor went away, even though we were all at home.

This is the AIBU/ WWYD part… only two days ago I spoke to the instructor and texted him as I am going to be his main contact for a driving test cancellation app that we’re using.

Bearing this in mind, do you think I’m being unreasonable to think that he might’ve rung my phone too when he got no answer from DD? We also regularly text each other about payment.

So frustrating that we now have to pay £60 when we were all at home!

Also, DD then tried ringing and texting during the remaining 45mins of the lesson time but no reply.

AIBU to think this isn’t 100% our fault? I will pay but do feel rather aggrieved about it tbh.

OP posts:
Original poster
ComfyQuilt · 15/02/2022 15:48

Sorry for the drip feed but doorbell is by the car port ( 30 m from house- house is up a path ) .

So he didn’t knock on door or ring me.

Most people knock come up the path and knock on the door if they need to get our attention ( I’m not talking about people we know).

OP posts:
Whammyyammy · 15/02/2022 15:49

100% your dd fault, not the instructor, and you should pay for the lesson.
He turned up as arranged
He rang the student(your dd)
He tried your doorbell

Your daughter forgot/couldn't be botheted to attend. Why should the instructor lose his fee? Or ring round members of the students family

Mo1911 · 15/02/2022 15:49

If you were at home and assuming responsibility for her lessons, shouldn't you have been the one to make sure she was up and organised?

I'm betting that this is a common occurrence for driving instructors so they have to have if in their terms and conditions otherwise they'd earn nothing.

You're responsible, not him so you've no right to feel aggrieved.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 15/02/2022 15:51

Am I being dim? Why are you out £60 if the lesson is only £40?

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 15/02/2022 15:51

My advice would be to block book a number of lessons at the same day and time until her test to give routine and she can put a reminder in her phone and easier for you to keep track and remind her if needed.
If she has ADHD the additional strategies need to come from your end unless you specifically talked it through with the instructor and let him know you would need him to make accommodations otherwise how would he know?

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 15/02/2022 15:51

@SliceOfCakeCupOfTea

Am I being dim? Why are you out £60 if the lesson is only £40?
Probably had an hour and a half lesson booked
SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 15/02/2022 15:52

Regardless, it's not his fault that he couldn't teach your DD and that time slot reserved for her could have been used by someone else, so why should he miss out on the money?

I'd either make her pay half this time (first offense) and full if/when it ever happens again.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 15/02/2022 15:53

Probably had an hour and a half lesson booked

Hadn't even thought of that...Doh!

brainhurts · 15/02/2022 15:53

Hi op ,can't see what difference it makes were the doorbell is . Also if her ADSL impacts her ability to manage her driving lessons you need to become responsible for them . The instructor is not at fault.

girlmom21 · 15/02/2022 15:53

@ComfyQuilt

Sorry for the drip feed but doorbell is by the car port ( 30 m from house- house is up a path ) .

So he didn’t knock on door or ring me.

Most people knock come up the path and knock on the door if they need to get our attention ( I’m not talking about people we know).

It's an irrelevant drip feed. It's still not his problem. He was more than fair in waiting/calling/ringing the bell.
BritInUS1 · 15/02/2022 15:53

YABU it's not the instructors fault to run around after your daughter

Original poster
ComfyQuilt · 15/02/2022 15:54

@Mo1911 I’m involved in paying only and more recently for the cancellation app. I don’t know when her half term lessons are- it’s normally Wednesday.
@Jellycatspyjamas we’ve texted each other periodically since dd1 learnt 2 years ago and we spoke yesterday. He has my number!

I’m obviously in a minority thinking he might’ve called me or been more contactable for the second half of the lesson.

Easy to say dd should pay. She hasn’t got £60 so it won’t be her lesson learnt at all!

OP posts:
catscatscatseverywhere · 15/02/2022 15:55

YABU. Your daughter is old enough to remember about appointments and stuff.

Original poster
ComfyQuilt · 15/02/2022 15:56

@WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe she normally remembers but it’s half term so Is being picked up from home, not from college and on a different day. Perfect storm for someone with adhd!

OP posts:
hedgehogger1 · 15/02/2022 15:57

Your daughter needs to learn to use reminder apps or a calendar. It's her fault only.

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 15/02/2022 15:57

The location of the doorbell isn’t relevant. His duty is to turn up outside the house at the agreed time which he did.

SarahJessicaPorker · 15/02/2022 15:57

This is very annoying for you, but absolutely not the instructor's fault or problem. You have to pay it really

Original poster
ComfyQuilt · 15/02/2022 15:58

@hedgehogger1 yes definitely! Can you recommend one?

OP posts:
TokyoTen · 15/02/2022 15:58

Your DD needs to pay and be more responsible.

MedusasBadHairDay · 15/02/2022 15:59

@ComfyQuilt

Ha no, the lesson is £40 per hour. 45 was left when she saw the missed call.

Yes it’s DD’s fault and she does have adhd.
It’s not really my fault personally as I didn’t know she had a lesson.

I just think that as DD specifically said to him only last week that we’d link my contact number to the app as she can’t always get to her phone ( when in lessons) that he might have rung me. I’m obviously expecting too much.

Was your number attached to the app then?
SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 15/02/2022 15:59

[quote ComfyQuilt]@WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe she normally remembers but it’s half term so Is being picked up from home, not from college and on a different day. Perfect storm for someone with adhd![/quote]
In which case it's just really unfortunate. Still not his fault though

Fanofcrisps · 15/02/2022 15:59

Hi OP. If one of my learners doesn't turn up, I'm afraid the fee is still due. Even if I did have to ring them on the day to chase them up, it wouldn't change anything I'm afraid. Without reasonable notice, I can't offer that time slot to anyone else.

Original poster
ComfyQuilt · 15/02/2022 16:00

I know it’s DD’s fault but am really shocked at how few people would not think it’s reasonable to ring the parents’ number too in these circumstances!

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 15/02/2022 16:01

@ComfyQuilt

I know it’s DD’s fault but am really shocked at how few people would not think it’s reasonable to ring the parents’ number too in these circumstances!
If you hadn't answered the phone would you have expected him to phone your husband?

My driving instructor never set eyes on my parents.

AffIt · 15/02/2022 16:01

@ComfyQuilt

Easy to say dd should pay. She hasn’t got £60 so it won’t be her lesson learnt at all!

Then it's your responsibility as a parent to work out a way that she can pay you back.

I am autistic, but I hold down a professional, director-level job, home, relationship, friendships etc and all the maintenance and management that goes with them.

Many ND people struggle with executive function, but the harsh truth is that we live in an NT world and we (rather unfairly IMO) have to learn how to cope with that.

My whole life is built around a complex systems of lists, alarms, triggers, diaries, reminders etc that allow me to interact with the world. Your daughter is young, so it's your job to help her build and develop the systems that will allow her to do that.

To say 'my child is ND' and shrug your shoulders is lazy parenting, and absolutely should not impact on the livelihood of a self-employed business person.