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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU / WWYD re missed driving lesson

201 replies

ComfyQuilt · 15/02/2022 15:27

DD forgot she had a driving lesson today and didn’t hear her phone. The doorbell in our car port does not work (DH only just told me this) so the the instructor went away, even though we were all at home.

This is the AIBU/ WWYD part… only two days ago I spoke to the instructor and texted him as I am going to be his main contact for a driving test cancellation app that we’re using.

Bearing this in mind, do you think I’m being unreasonable to think that he might’ve rung my phone too when he got no answer from DD? We also regularly text each other about payment.

So frustrating that we now have to pay £60 when we were all at home!

Also, DD then tried ringing and texting during the remaining 45mins of the lesson time but no reply.

AIBU to think this isn’t 100% our fault? I will pay but do feel rather aggrieved about it tbh.

OP posts:
Jellycatspyjamas · 15/02/2022 18:31

He should ask for payment only up to that point of the lesson.

That’s ridiculous, she missed half the lesson time and he’s entitled to do something else with his time given she’ll didn’t attend. She phoned him 45 minutes in to a 90 minute lesson, it’s unreasonable to expect him to return and start a lesson at that point, half way through the time she booked.

AlexaShutUp · 15/02/2022 18:34

If it was a young child, then yes, I would expect a teacher to contact a responsible adult, but it's a driving lesson so dd must be at least 17. I wouldn't expect a teacher to liaise with parents at that age.

It isn't as if he just sat in the car outside the house and drove away when she didn't emerge. He tried to call her, and he rang the doorbell. I think he did enough.

If dd has trouble organising herself due to adhd (I can relate!) then you need to work with her to put better strategies into place. Eg reminders on her phone etc. Or remind her yourself.

Imworkingonit · 15/02/2022 18:55

Sorry op, it's shit but entirely the fault of your household and not his in any way.

I used to work in a field where I turned up to meet people for appointments. I'd have done exactly the same, rung on the doorbell and called the appointee but definitely wouldn't have chased by knocking on doors and calling extra numbers and wouldn't expect that myself in this scenario.

For an appointment that long I think 15mins grace is probably warranted but then perfectly reasonable to move on to fill time with something else so appointment forfeited.

DS missed a theory test that I paid for so he had to pay for the replacement. He didn't miss the next one! Maybe if she feels the pain of paying at least something towards it she may take a bit more care next time!

girlmom21 · 15/02/2022 18:58

@LIZS

But if the bell is in a carport you would not necessarily expect to hear it ring from inside the house
Then don't have a doorbell you can't hear...
girlmom21 · 15/02/2022 18:59

@MumsMetHer

It's fine that he didn't call you.

It isn't OK that he failed to answer even your daughter rang. He should ask for payment only up to that point of the lesson.

Once you miss your appointment, you pay for it and accept that slot is no longer 'yours'.

He shouldn't have to be out of pocket because of somebody else's incompetence.

nocoolnamesleft · 15/02/2022 18:59

The driving instructor did not forget the lesson, your daughter did. He rang the doorbell. It is not his fault that the doorbell wasn't working. He rang your daughter. It isn't his fault your daughter didn't answer. I think turning up at the agreed time, ringing the doorbell, and ringing your daughter, is a perfectly reasonable level of engagement by the driving intsructor.

Meandthesky · 15/02/2022 19:13

But 94% of people clearly do think it’s black and white

Your DD forgot her lesson. Your DD didn’t answer her phone. Your doorbell doesn’t work. Despite knowing she has ADHD and the changes due to half term could cause issues, you didn’t find out when her lesson was and remind her.

It is entirely the fault of your DD and the adults in your household. The instructor acted entirely reasonably.

Grenlei · 15/02/2022 19:20

How's the instructor other than this OP?

I'd be concerned he's a bit of a jobsworth. I'd also wonder whether if he didn't wait about and was then uncontactable for the rest of the lesson, he's actually squeezed another lesson with someone else into that slot, so double bubble.

If he's generally good, then give him the benefit of the doubt (but still feel a bit miffed). If you've got any other doubts - like I mentioned about my old instructors upthread - I'd see if anyone else locally is taking on pupils.

Ginger1982 · 15/02/2022 19:28

It is 100% black and white.

Alliswells · 15/02/2022 19:31

Yeah you're being very very unreasonable. He arrived on time, rang the bell and rang your daughter. He probably didn't answer his phone later as was driving.

It's not his fault that
-Your daughter was not ready and waiting for her lesson
-The bell doesn't work
Your daughter didn't answer her phone
-The bell is at the carport and to get your attention there's a path to go up
-You hadn't agreed he should ring you if your daughter was a no show
-It was mid term and your daughter forgot
-You forgot to remind your daughter not to forget

As for being on your time....... Your entitlement to time ended at precisely the moment your daughter was a no show and the instructor couldn't reach her on her mobile and no one answered the broken doorbell

sanbeiji · 15/02/2022 19:40

@girlmom21 oops I meant outside!

The ones I’ve seen are connected to various points around the house, so a visitor ringing it wouldnlt have heard.

sanbeiji · 15/02/2022 19:42

@girlmom21 sorry thought that was my post … it’s been a long day …

Tinkerbell1980 · 15/02/2022 19:42

My daughter organises her own lesson timings too, he texts her when he's arrived & waits round the corner because we live on a busy road. I contacted him originally but I wouldn't ever expect that he would disturb me at work, or anywhere else for that matter, if she didn't answer! He lives at least 25 minutes away from us, so if she'd only realised with 45 minutes to go, it would barely be worth him coming all the way back. This is his livelihood, so I'd fully expect her to have to pay for her error if she'd forgotten. Life lessons right there.

girlmom21 · 15/02/2022 19:43

@sanbeiji ha that confused me because I quoted a different poster and they'd said the same as you Grin I'm with you!

TicTacHoh · 15/02/2022 19:48

@ComfyQuilt

I know it’s DD’s fault but am really shocked at how few people would not think it’s reasonable to ring the parents’ number too in these circumstances!
Parents of a 17 year old? He teaches her how to drive; he deals with her. If she had a weekend job working in a shop part time, her manager would have nothing to do with you.

Slightly Shock that she basically stood him up but you think should be out of pocket because of half term/adhd/totally forgot/doorbell doesn't work/didn't hear her phone it.

ichifanny · 15/02/2022 19:50

My driving instructor would just turn up outside and drive away if you didn’t come out . It’s not up to them to ring doorbells and try summon people .

CarbonelCat · 15/02/2022 19:56

"The more I think about it the more I think he should knock as well as ring..the point is, there is a strong likelihood of any doorbell not working IME."

This is utterly, utterly unreasonable.

You need to stop listing all the reasons you think it's his fault and just accept the situation. You're being ridiculous now. Completely ridiculous.

If you miss your train booking, they don't come looking for you. If you miss your dinner reservation they don't try several different ways to get hold of you. He did not miss this appointment, he was where he had agreed to be, on time and ready to go. His obligation stops there.

Duckerbizzle · 15/02/2022 20:03

When I was learning to drive I had to cancel my lesson at short notice one time, the next week I paid the ADI for the missed lesson as well as the new lesson. Don't understand why people always try and not bother to pay self employed people. If you book a lesson and then don't show up at the agreed time then of course you should still flipping well pay for it!

WhatEvenHappened44 · 15/02/2022 20:07

I'm assuming your DD is 18 and therefore an adult having driving lessons. Why would the driving instructor message the parent of an adult? They didn't even need to try and ring any doorbell or knock imo it's not their job to chase you up and should be paid in full for the waste of time. I'm sure after 15 minutes they drove away as opposed to waste time sitting there doing nothing so of course they're not going to reply to a text if they're driving?

If your DD was paying for her own lessons I'm sure she wouldn't be forgetting about them so easily.

iklboo · 15/02/2022 20:13

The more I think about it the more I think he should knock as well as ring..the point is, there is a strong likelihood of any doorbell not working IME."

Why didn't he get a ladder & knock on her bedroom window while he was at it?

PheasantsNest · 15/02/2022 20:13

This is your Dd's fault nobody else's. Stop trying to blame the instructor. You are being very unreasonable. Admit you are wrong.

sanbeiji · 15/02/2022 20:20

@Duckerbizzle

When I was learning to drive I had to cancel my lesson at short notice one time, the next week I paid the ADI for the missed lesson as well as the new lesson. Don't understand why people always try and not bother to pay self employed people. If you book a lesson and then don't show up at the agreed time then of course you should still flipping well pay for it!
I wonder how it's even a consideration. My ADI had a very clear policy, 48 hours cancellation. He'd wait a maximum of X minutes before leaving (if phone not picked up) depending on lesson length. Anybody not paying would be dropped. All of this was very clearly stated...
youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/02/2022 20:21

@nocoolnamesleft

The driving instructor did not forget the lesson, your daughter did. He rang the doorbell. It is not his fault that the doorbell wasn't working. He rang your daughter. It isn't his fault your daughter didn't answer. I think turning up at the agreed time, ringing the doorbell, and ringing your daughter, is a perfectly reasonable level of engagement by the driving intsructor.
This is an excellent summary that hopefully even OP can take on board and just accept!
AnnaSW1 · 15/02/2022 20:22

Yes YABU

killingthishotmessofalife · 15/02/2022 20:24

@ComfyQuilt

I know it’s DD’s fault but am really shocked at how few people would not think it’s reasonable to ring the parents’ number too in these circumstances!
I'm an instructor and I liaise with many parents. 100% too many in my opinion but that's another conversation. In all honesty, if someone hasn't shown after 5 min I send them a text, 10 I knock on the door and 15 I MAY text the parent but wouldn't feel bad about not communicating with the parents unless I don't have any method of communication with the learner (honestly I have some pupils and I don't even have their number, just mummies). It's extremely frustrating and unfortunately an expensive lesson to learn.

If you ask the instructor to message any dates and times that are not within the norm then I'm sure he will happily oblige. We don't want our time wasted more than anyone else wants to spend money and get nothing!

Bet he was not going to entertain returning for what would likely have been only 30 minutes learning time and not a lot of driving.

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