AIBU / WWYD re missed driving lesson

[ComfyQuilt]

DD forgot she had a driving lesson today and didn’t hear her phone. The doorbell in our car port does not work (DH only just told me this) so the the instructor went away, even though we were all at home.

This is the AIBU/ WWYD part… only two days ago I spoke to the instructor and texted him as I am going to be his main contact for a driving test cancellation app that we’re using.

Bearing this in mind, do you think I’m being unreasonable to think that he might’ve rung my phone too when he got no answer from DD? We also regularly text each other about payment.

So frustrating that we now have to pay £60 when we were all at home!

Also, DD then tried ringing and texting during the remaining 45mins of the lesson time but no reply.

AIBU to think this isn’t 100% our fault? I will pay but do feel rather aggrieved about it tbh.

My dh was a driving instructor for years. He often had last minute cancellations/no shows and people were most put out that they still had to pay. People forget that the payment for lessons actually pays the bills!
I helped with some of the admin. I wouldn't have contacted other family members to chase them up. He always turned up for lessons, called and then it was on the pupil.

If you feel your daughter is responsible enough to learn to drive and to then own/use a car she is responsible enough to remember lessons take the consequences of those. If she can not then she should not be driving. You need to be fully aware when driving and no one will cover for your mistakes 🤷‍♀️

£60! Faints with shock.
Blimey that makes me feel old, lessons were about £5 when I learnt to drive.

@ComfyQuilt

I know it’s DD’s fault but am really shocked at how few people would not think it’s reasonable to ring the parents’ number too in these circumstances!

Of course it's not reasonable.

If she's old enough to learn how to drive, she's old enough to organise her own lessons. It's not the instructors job to ring round her entire family to find out why she hasn't turned up on time.

Most instructors never have anything to do with their students' parents.

Definitely not the instructor at fault. He turned up and rang her. What more should he be expected to do? People need to take personal responsibility.

@Suchamuddle

My dh was a driving instructor for years. He often had last minute cancellations/no shows and people were most put out that they still had to pay. People forget that the payment for lessons actually pays the bills! I helped with some of the admin. I wouldn't have contacted other family members to chase them up. He always turned up for lessons, called and then it was on the pupil.

And given that driving instructors have barely been able to work the last couple of years, people not wanting to pay because they've forgotten they've booked lessons will be even more frustrating.

YABU.

If you forgot a dentist appointment, they wouldn't ring you and let you have the last 5 mins when you screeched through the door. You would absolutely be expected to pay.

If you overslept and missed check in for a flight, they wouldn't refund you the price of your ticket. If you have tickets to a west end musical and you get the time wrong, they can't recoup that money so keep yours. It's all the same.

There is no responsibility on the instructor here to do anything other than arrive on time for a prearranged appointment. He's done his bit. It was your daughter who failed to uphold her end of the deal.

Why on earth should you not have to pay? He couldn't go and get another lesson in with someone else to make up that income could he?

Your dd is 17 minimum. The works will see her as an adult. If she's old enough to drive then she needs to be responsible enough to manage these situations. If her ADHD causes her day to day reliability issues then she needs to develop effective strategies to mitigate.

As frustrating as it is, its not his fault your door bell doesn't work, and not his fault your DD forget she had a lesson and didn't answer her phone.
Now may be the perfect time to teach your daughter to adult and start taking responsibility for things that are happening in her life. The guy has a living to make and can't run a business on the forgetfulness of his clients.

I'd pay up but also ask him if it happens again, would he mind ringing you and you'll chase her up (seeing as you're paying).

How many times did he ring your DD? How long did he wait?

I wouldn't expect him to remember that he had your number and call you.

Assuming that the car port doorbell didn't make a sound, I would have expected him to use his common sense and wonder whether it was broken and try the front door. Actually, I would expect that anyway. If you know you are expected and nobody answers, wouldn't your first thought be that the doorbell was broken?

I would have expected him to ring your DD several times in case she didn't hear her phone and wait in the vicinity until it was so late that it was no longer feasible to have a lesson in case she had been delayed somewhere and couldn't call him. So really, yes, I think if his policy is not to give refunds for missed lessons, he should have still been there waiting if there was 45 mins left of the lesson, unless his T&Cs specify he will only wait for X mins.

The way I see it is you have paid for an hour of his time. If he spent an hour trying to reach your daughter, he has not lost any time. So he rang her left a message, tried the door bell then thought ah well and drove off. He could have very easily seen she was trying to reach him later but chose not to. He could have waited, he could have tried another number, the time spent on trying to reach her would have been paid for within the hour of tuition time so he wouldn't have lost out. He wouldn't have extended the lesson time beyond and hour and your daughter would have had 50 mins of lesson or 45.

You daughter does need to be more organised but I'd look for another instructor.

17 is the age where it's not default any more to ring that person's parents.

Exceptions are if it's a medical emergency, a law breaking situation or something to do with their place of education.

16 is the start, 17 is the turning point and 18 is the finish of it. Bar the medical emergency bit obvs.

It does feel weird at first but they need to learn it and this will help.
(i've got DDs 3 in their 20s)

@fruitbrewhaha

The way I see it is you have paid for an hour of his time. If he spent an hour trying to reach your daughter, he has not lost any time. So he rang her left a message, tried the door bell then thought ah well and drove off. He could have very easily seen she was trying to reach him later but chose not to. He could have waited, he could have tried another number, the time spent on trying to reach her would have been paid for within the hour of tuition time so he wouldn't have lost out. He wouldn't have extended the lesson time beyond and hour and your daughter would have had 50 mins of lesson or 45.

You daughter does need to be more organised but I'd look for another instructor.

I don't think this is right. You pay for his time and he allocates that time. If you do not use the service he can't book the hour with another learner at such short notice, so he has lost out on the money, not the time

@ComfyQuilt

Sorry for the drip feed but doorbell is by the car port ( 30 m from house- house is up a path ) .

So he didn’t knock on door or ring me.

Most people knock come up the path and knock on the door if they need to get our attention ( I’m not talking about people we know).

But all this is totally irrelevant as it’s not his job to chase people down or get their attention. He was there at the agreed time. Your dd wasn’t.

I am a driving instructor and recently have a number of no shows, it's been hard enough with Covid and lockdowns.

Last 2 of my no shows didn't answer their phone, one sent a text saying sorry but had gone shopping with a friend the others parents said the son had overslept.

I have now blocked the numbers on phone and WhatsApp I hope they have fun trying to find a new driving instructor!

Absolutely not the instructors job to be calling parents when a student doesn't turn up for a lesson.

If she's old enough to drive then she's old enough to make a note of when her lessons are.

Ds1 passed earlier last year, I think you are being totally totally unreasonable.

@ComfyQuilt

I know it’s DD’s fault but am really shocked at how few people would not think it’s reasonable to ring the parents’ number too in these circumstances!

It isnt his job to try and track down his students when they dont show up. He was there on time, he tried the bell.

I would add, dh did give refunds for one missed lesson if there was a good reason, illness etc. Only one though as it's surprising how often people are ill if they think they'll get their money back!
He would never have refunded for a pupil forgetting/ not turning up.

I would have phoned whomever the contract was with in his position. Which sounds like it was the person paying the bill, you.

I would also expect there to be a clause in the contract saying how long he will wait for etc, otherwise there is nothing to stop him ringing the bell of a large house once and then buggering off after 2 minutes thereby not allowing the resident time to get to the door.

Not answering when you phone is a little off too

Not answering when you phone is a little off too

If he was driving he couldn't.

I think fruitbrewhaha is saying the same as me, @SarahJessicaPorker. If the instructor's policy is that he doesn't give refunds, OP booked an 90 mins lesson so he should have waited at the house and been available for most of that time in case the DD was late and couldn't get in touch.

I think the DD should pay for the first 45 mins as that was her fault. I don't think the instructor should charge for the second 45 mins as his decision not to wait meant that the DD couldn't have a 45 minute lesson that had been paid for in the second half of the 90 mins, which is still enough time for a decent lesson.

If a client has paid for a slot, he should stay available for the whole of that slot, unless his T&Cs state otherwise.

OP I don't think YABU.

Many years ago when I was a teenager learning to drive my driving instructor turned up about 15 mins early for a lesson. I was at home on my own (school holidays) and in the loo - I used to get nervous before lessons so this was inevitable!

I heard the doorbell twice, but knew it was early so presumed it wasn't him and tbh thought it was the postman or a door to door seller. Finished in the loo and went into my bedroom only to see Mr Driving Instructor driving off down the road. This was in the days before mobile phones so nothing I could do.

My mum contacted them and complained but the driving school's attitude was tough luck. I'm still a little miffed about it decades later so I understand your annoyance.

Thing is, as in my case, it's an hour's lesson. Their next lesson isn't for 90 mins at least - would it have hurt to just sit outside and wait for a bit? And then when your daughter realised she could have popped outside and just done 45 mins rather than the full hour. Seems fair considering he's paid either way.

As for the suggestion of being ready outside, whether that's practical depends on your instructor. I had another instructor who consistently turned up anything between 15-60 mins late, without warning. However he had no patience so would beep outside on arrival and expect you to be in his car within a minute, or he'd be calling your phone! He never took calls during lessons or replied to messages so you couldn't find out how long he'd be when he was late, it was a guessing game. It was a pain to plan anything else and also I never felt sure if I was getting my full hour, because whereas with a normal instructor a lesson was 9am-10am, my 9am lesson might start at 9.25, 9.45 or 9.55, so I'd find myself distracted halfway through thinking 'ok it's 10 now, did I start at 9.30? How long have I got left?' etc.

Neither of these 2 useless articles got me through my test needless to say - the chap who eventually did was always on time, never early or late, used to text when he was on his way regardless, and was always happy to swap lessons around too (the others were a right pain about this)

She's, what, 17/18 years old? Surely she's old enough to deal with her driving instructor & lessons on her own? If she struggles to remember things she needs to put reminders in her phone etc. He did everything he was supposed to do. Showed up, called her etc. You really can't expect more than that from him.

@BigSandyBalls2015

I’m always amazed at these sort of threads. My friend rings her sons instructor after every lesson to ask how he got on 🤦‍♀️

hilarious. Does she do a clean hankie clean underwear check too?