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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have hoped the teacher would respect our wishes

266 replies

Sixmonthcruise · 15/02/2022 13:16

Dd is 13/year 9.
Firstly, I know it must be difficult for schools when dealing with and addressing 1500+ pupils but one of her teachers is really getting my back up.
She has sent me several emails over recent weeks regarding dd’s school work but when she mentions my dd it is always in a non-binary way (ie they/them).
I have replied back a few times to state that dd is NOT non-binary and she wishes to be addressed as she/her.
However, she never replies back after my requests and with each subsequent email still refers to dd as they/them.
I know it may not be a big thing for many but it is really annoying me.
Dd does not wish to be non-binary (she has no issue with anyone who wants to be), she is more than happy with the sex she was born into and loves being female. She recognises and happily accepts she is she/her.

Would you be happy for your child to be continually addressed as them/they when you have specifically asked for the teacher not to?

OP posts:
Coconutmeg · 15/02/2022 13:17

And you’ve definitely checked with DD?

laurap276 · 15/02/2022 13:18

Is this a generalised way they address all pupils at the school?

Aprilx · 15/02/2022 13:18

I think you are reading too much into it.

amnm · 15/02/2022 13:20

I think it's very possible she has a standard template she uses for pupils which will refer to they/them, rather than he/him & she/her to avoid having to change the email for each student.

I don't really think this is meant to suggest your dd is non-binary.

Wnkingawalrus · 15/02/2022 13:20

I can’t imagine I would care about this to be honest. I’d be more concerned about why the teacher was having to email me so often.

Gizacluethen · 15/02/2022 13:20

It's a generalised way to refer to pupils. They and them isn't specific to non-binary people.

FindingMeno · 15/02/2022 13:21

I hear you.
I don't think I would make a thing of it though.

Fatmax22 · 15/02/2022 13:21

It would piss me off too, as long as DD wanted to be addressed by her chosen "pronouns" identifying as female she has that right. Doesn't anyone else see the irony here?

JustWonderingIfYou · 15/02/2022 13:21

I agree with you actually.

If people can make such a fuss about being they/them you can make just as much fuss for she/her. More so as its actually factually correct.

I'd make a complaint just stating teacher is ignoring preferred pronouns- it's rude.

FujiIX · 15/02/2022 13:22

It wouldn’t bother me

AgentCarterRocks · 15/02/2022 13:23

Your daughter has as much right to have her choice of pronouns respected as anyone else. Which is either - respect and act on it, or ignore and refer to everyone by their biological sex.

I wouldn't appreciate being labelled in ways I didn't like just to avoid criticism from those who feel strongly a different way.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 15/02/2022 13:25

Are they not just using they because they email copious amounts of parents so use they as rhey don't need to mentally check in who am I writing about again? Possibly they are transcribing from jotted notes so open the email, jot down the notes in a conversational style using they, then find the right parent to email and send.

CharlotteRose90 · 15/02/2022 13:26

It’s the generalised way in schools and colleges now even workplaces. I’d let this one go. You emailing all the time won’t change anything.

tulippa · 15/02/2022 13:27

She probably refers to all pupils using these pronouns for ease. I can see why it might be irritating but couldn't get worked up about it.

Not the point of your thread but why is she emailing so often? DD is in Year 12 and we must have had about three emails about her in the whole time she's been at secondary school and these would have been in response to issues we had raised in the first place.

Ionlydomassiveones · 15/02/2022 13:28

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

LaBellina · 15/02/2022 13:29

I think that teachers these days have such a hard time keeping up with many pupils ever changing pronouns that they standardly use neutral pronouns for everyone to make sure they don’t cause any issues and get ‘canceled’. I don’t blame them tbh. You only have to look at the feminism board to see how whole culture has negatively effected many women that do not go along with it blindly.

Pinkbonbon · 15/02/2022 13:29

It's probably a partly standardised email.
Don't understand why you're getting butt hurt about it tbh. Why would you make an issue out of a non issue? 'They' is an acceptable way to refer to a man or a woman. It doesn't necessarily mean they are implying your kid is non binary xD

CorrBlimeyGG · 15/02/2022 13:29

They/ them is just a way of referring to the third person. It is not exclusive to non binary people.

What a fuss about nothing.

Hulmeert · 15/02/2022 13:30

Are you for real? You definitely have issues.

This sounds more like it's just a standard template they use. I'd be more concerned about your daughter's school work, actual important stuff.

Iggly · 15/02/2022 13:31

Er it’s still a valid way to address your child.

Is that you Oliver Dowden trying to stir up a culture war 😂

Itstheprinciple · 15/02/2022 13:33

I would imagine she is sending an email to several pupils and to save her time she is copying and pasting so she uses these pronouns so they fit everyone.

Louisianagumbo · 15/02/2022 13:35

They/them are in general usage for 3rd person singular. They write so much stuff, it's probably easier than using he/she in different letters and keep switching between. It's not offensive at all

Waspie · 15/02/2022 13:35

I'd be more worried about why one teacher has sent several emails to me about my child in the space of a few weeks.

I expect it's a generic email template sent to all parents in the group via the schools MIS system with personalisation in the header only.

Satingreenshutters · 15/02/2022 13:36

Give me strength.

Original poster
Sixmonthcruise · 15/02/2022 13:38

I’m not so much annoyed that the first email was non-binary it is the fact that after requesting dd is referred to as she/her the teacher still uses they/them. The emails are always specific to my daughter, not from a template, for example using her name, mentioning her work etc. If she can be that personalised with the context of the email then I can’t see how she can not replace them/they with she/her, that can not be too much to ask, surely?
No other teacher uses they/them in their correspondence and neither do 16 year old DS’s teachers.
It’s just this one.
I will let it go but am rather irked that she has ignored the emails asking for dd to be addressed as she/her.

OP posts: