To have hoped the teacher would respect our wishes

[Sixmonthcruise]

Dd is 13/year 9.
Firstly, I know it must be difficult for schools when dealing with and addressing 1500+ pupils but one of her teachers is really getting my back up.
She has sent me several emails over recent weeks regarding dd’s school work but when she mentions my dd it is always in a non-binary way (ie they/them).
I have replied back a few times to state that dd is NOT non-binary and she wishes to be addressed as she/her.
However, she never replies back after my requests and with each subsequent email still refers to dd as they/them.
I know it may not be a big thing for many but it is really annoying me.
Dd does not wish to be non-binary (she has no issue with anyone who wants to be), she is more than happy with the sex she was born into and loves being female. She recognises and happily accepts she is she/her.

Would you be happy for your child to be continually addressed as them/they when you have specifically asked for the teacher not to?

Classes that I only see once a fortnight ? No, I don’t. How many classes did you have ? Past tense ? Are you no longer teaching ?

5 years ago it wouldn't have crossed my mind to have been bothered by this however I do think that if one student has to be known by their correct pronouns then all students should be. Someone who is non-binary would be upset to be known as she or he so I think someone who isn't deserves the same.

In the situation mentioned earlier with a certificate saying 'they have completed a term in the yellow room', if this part was printed then I would expect it to say 'they' as they would have to print separate he/she/they ones off but if hand written then should have used correct pronouns.

Part of my issue with this is that it feels we are going backwards with women's rights and equality, but that's another whole thread.

Shocking! Ask for a refund.

@Tillymintpolo

Classes that I only see once a fortnight ? No, I don’t. How many classes did you have ? Past tense ? Are you no longer teaching ?

I stopped a few years ago.

Cross college English and maths, remedial and resits plus evening classes for adults.

I stopped, retired, ran away when the politics got too much. About 6 years ago

Now that she/her is a they/their are they going to abandon the work encouraging "them" to take-up and remain learning STEM subjects?

My daughter is Year 11, and it's very clear that emails that are sent to many students eg. regarding late homework, are they/them, whereas a personal email regarding an issue is she/her.

I really don't think it's worth getting worked up about, teacher's have so much to do already without editing every single email they send.

No wonder the kids are going around the twist with teachers like this to deal with. I'd make a formal complaint to the head.

Ah just read it was a group email.

@Whatiswrongwithmyknee

It's not giving tit for tat. Gender ideology is a dangerous ideology which is hurting our children. The issue is not 'not acknowledging their sex'. As I said, I'd actually be a supporter of a genuinely neutral pronoun. The issue is reinforcing a cult which is causing significant harm. 'They' does not mean what it used to. The issue is also the silencing of people who have a majority view which does not support the wishes of some people - mainly males.

So again the memory challenge thing is something gender ideologists need to address.

the teacher isnt to blame for the transgender ideology, she likely trying to keep everyone bloody happy. What on earth difference is it likely to make by complaining about this teacher except cause more stress at an already stressful time when teachers are leaving in droves.

I think if someone is going to complain, then maybe try and establish why she uses they them pronouns in her letters and if its school policy or is there something you need to be aware of.

My god. "They" is a generic pronoun that both males and females can be referenced by. Does not mean the person being referenced is non binary.

The teacher is sending out bulk emails off a template to students and probably mail merging them so they are adequately personalised for each student. Mail merging automatically fills in variables like names on templates and has been around for donkeys. The teacher probably doesn't even monitor the email as it's all sent out automatically. It is not an attack on you and your daughter. They are not sitting there specifically writing every word of the email by hand to spite you.

Truly batshit.

My god. 'They' has never been a generic pronoun for a single person who you know. The excuse of mail merge is just silly as the document can be worded in a way which does not require the use of pronouns.

I agree the teacher is not to blame for gender ideology. A small group of extremists, largely with male privilege are. However, they are also not responsible for racism really but do have a duty to stand against it and not use lazy language which perpetuates damage.

Schools need to create a context which is protective for teacher at this point in time and that should not be by requiring them to entrench a controversial ideology. Using 'they' does just that whether the teacher intended it to or not.

@amnm

I think it's very possible she has a standard template she uses for pupils which will refer to they/them, rather than he/him & she/her to avoid having to change the email for each student.

I don't really think this is meant to suggest your dd is non-binary.

This. TBH this feels like the usual goady anti-trans stuff MN is already too full of.

It's more than a bit vacuous to suggest that in a world where misgendeing trans people is such a crime, asking for non trans people not to be misgendered is anti trans and goady.

I think it's very possible she has a standard template she uses for pupils which will refer to they/them, rather than he/him & she/her to avoid having to change the email for each student.

I don't really think this is meant to suggest your dd is non-binary.

I couldn't quite tell from the OP whether the emails about OP's DD are specifically about her child or general class communications; but there's obviously a clash between those who accept 'they' as a neutral pronoun and those who believe it to be inappropriate and dismissive when referring to a single known person, whose sex/pronouns are known.

I always remember my DM telling me about the funeral of a Great Aunt that she went to, where the vicar continually referred to her as 'he' and 'him' throughout. Presumably, he had an old-fashioned standard funeral service sheet, using 'he' as the default, and he had neither the wit nor the basic decency to amend the pronouns accordingly when the service was for a female. The family obviously found this very upsetting and said it really spoilt for them what was supposed to be a very special day dedicated to remembering a loved family member, but where it seemed that even something as basic as her sex had already been forgotten.

Would it have been better if the vicar had just used 'they' throughout? Not much, I don't think: it would have avoided wrongly implying that she had been male, but would still have seriously detracted from her important, respected place in the family as a daughter, sister, wife, mother, aunt, grandmother - roles which are explicitly taken by females, who are thus referred to as 'she'. He might as well have saved even more time by not bothering to use her actual name and just referred to her as 'Jane Doe' (or, going on his record, probably 'John Doe').

Pronouns matter to us, and they're part of our identity - not just for trans/NB people, but for everybody. 'They' is appropriate if you're talking about an unknown/little-known or theoretical individual, but not when you do know the person very well.

A stranger walking past the playground might see OP's DD heading indoors and quite reasonably comment "That girl has left her bag on the bench"; but would you really find it acceptable or 'neutral' if the teacher, when emailing OP about her DD's progress, kept referring to her as 'that/this girl'?

It's more than a bit vacuous to suggest that in a world where misgendeing trans people is such a crime, asking for non trans people not to be misgendered is anti trans and goady.

Exactly. If the teacher had mistakenly/carelessly repeatedly referred to her as 'he' (gasp: she might even have short hair and always wear trousers), it wouldn't be hateful to (or goady against) the boys in her class to request that this be remedied; so why ever would it be anti-trans or anti-NB, just because the incorrectly-used pronoun for one person happens to be the correct one with which they identify?

Agreed!