To have hoped the teacher would respect our wishes

[Sixmonthcruise]

Dd is 13/year 9.
Firstly, I know it must be difficult for schools when dealing with and addressing 1500+ pupils but one of her teachers is really getting my back up.
She has sent me several emails over recent weeks regarding dd’s school work but when she mentions my dd it is always in a non-binary way (ie they/them).
I have replied back a few times to state that dd is NOT non-binary and she wishes to be addressed as she/her.
However, she never replies back after my requests and with each subsequent email still refers to dd as they/them.
I know it may not be a big thing for many but it is really annoying me.
Dd does not wish to be non-binary (she has no issue with anyone who wants to be), she is more than happy with the sex she was born into and loves being female. She recognises and happily accepts she is she/her.

Would you be happy for your child to be continually addressed as them/they when you have specifically asked for the teacher not to?

Is this a reverse because of the other post?

No, it wouldn't bother me. Just like when they get their name spelling wrong. They have loads of kids and some mistakes in communication to me wouldn't bother me.

Schools (and surely teenagers/their parents) surely have better things to worry about than this? And I do worry/think/act to improve women's rights. I am not sure this is a battle worth fighting.

I work in a school in a pastoral role. I have similar queries come up time and again. I have a "bank" of sentences/phrases I cut/paste into emails for efficiency. Doesn't make the email less personal or specific to that exact situation - just saves time wording/typing/proofreading over Samantha's issue with illness/timekeeping/truancy/behaviour/mental health will have come up before (for John, or Philip or Abigail).

Over the years I have made my stock sentences largely gender neutral as it is just easier and better than getting it wrong/having the wrong gender.

Pick your battles.

As others have said, it's entirely a generalised way of talking about children/students/colleagues, without having to check their preferred pronouns. It's also a standard epicine, third-person pronoun.
I'd have thought there's WAY more to get worked up about in life.

Are you sure that the messages are unique to your child, rather than e.g. 'you child has not completed their homework on My Maths'?

Are you sure that your DD has not expressed a preference for they / them pronouns at school?

The teacher will be sending the email to several different students. The pronouns used have always been used for this purpose. It’s not a binary/non-binary thing, it’s a ‘I have to send an email out to 30 individuals’ thing.

By all means contact the school because all we have to do with our time is read emails about pronouns from angsty Mumsnetters.

With respect, you need more to worry about! It's a non issue and probably about time saving rather than pissing on your crusade!

I have always used the terms they/their when referring to people my entire working life. We're talking 20 years before non binary.

When working with the general public, you encounter people from different cultures and nationalities to your own. It's impossible to presume from a name whether someone is male or female and you can't always presume for their title (eg Dr). We also have to remove identifying information about people and someone's gender can sometimes identity them. It's also laziness. I can copy and paste stock information without needing to change it if I remove he/she etc.

Nothing to do with non-binary.

Yanbu. As a teacher I would hate to have written 'they' instead of 'him' or 'her' just because of grammatical correctness. And if sending a standard email/letter to all parents, I would have written 'him/her'. But then, when I taught (just a few years ago) choosing pronouns wasn't a thing and no student expected to be addressed as 'they/them'.

If a teacher is regularly emailing about your DD’s work then your focus should not be on pronouns.

Good distraction technique in play here! Most parents would worry more about why the teacher is having to email a parent so many times about the child’s work rather than worrying about the pronouns in the email.

Fatmax22

It would piss me off too, as long as DD wanted to be addressed by her chosen "pronouns" identifying as female she has that right. Doesn't anyone else see the irony here?

Ex teacher and I understand about the need to save on work buy I
definitely see the irony and it makes me fume.

Clearly a template email I would say. The teacher isn't inferring your dc is non-binary, the email just needs to apply to any gender.

@CharlotteRose90

It’s the generalised way in schools and colleges now even workplaces. I’d let this one go. You emailing all the time won’t change anything.

So we have now all been bullied into accepting this bandewagon? If a school refused to use anything other that he/she etc there would be hell to pay because of one's entitlement to the 'correct' pronoun! As in other areas of controversy if one doesn't accept the extremes one is villified or , heaven forbid, 'cancelled'. The majority now are not allowed an opinion if it dares to vary from the songsheet.

Even if the email is “personalised” it could be a template eg

I am writing to let you know the result of XX’s recent mock. They achieved an overall grade of XX. Their areas for development are XX, XX and XX.

There, I would replace the name, grade, and take the areas of development from a QLA (colour coded spreadsheet) and pick the three weakest areas or whatever. So it looks very personalised but still a template. Yes, I could put an XX instead of they/their but I probably wouldn’t because it’s one more thing to change. Seems minor but in the context of 60 emails it’s quite a lot more work.

The teacher will definitely have a Word document filled with email templates that can be quickly copied and pasted into an email. You can also do a mail merge, which inserts the correct name into the revenant fields to make it look less impersonal. I need to email lots of people about their work/attendance/grades (university rather than school) and I use generic templates for speed.

"They" is also acceptable as a neutral identifier for a single person without being anything to do with gender identity. If I was handing something in to lost property it would be fine to say, "someone left their jacket on the seat".

It means they have one template or way of writing that covers both sexes and all genders. Get a grip. You’re focusing on the wrong thing. Dd is Year 9 and about 1/3 of the girls in her year are either non binary or trans. For most of them it’s teen rebellion and staff are dealing with it with minimal drama. Many dc change their minds on a weekly basis.

I agree with you completely.

Oh and trust me, I am VERY gender critical and not at all indulgent of gender woo.

She probably is sending bulk emails. Eg. They are missing homework and have a detention etc.

I do that frequently. I do not have time to send individual emails

you're being ridiculous

How many emails had this poor teacher had to send you!?!

This issue honestly wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. The fact you need to have so much contact with one teacher is more worrying-are there lots of problems? I’d focus on that.

You’re brr we ing unreasonable. Thin end of the wedge

I would not be happy. Same as I would not be happy if this was done in the workplace about me or a colleague who has stated a preference.

Singular they has been around for yonks. It's not new. I'd imagine the teacher uses it for ease and perhaps so she can copy paste elements from other reports, as there is bound to be crossover in what she needs to say.

You know you’re unreasonable and I’m sure your daughter doesn’t care either