To have hoped the teacher would respect our wishes

[Sixmonthcruise]

Dd is 13/year 9.
Firstly, I know it must be difficult for schools when dealing with and addressing 1500+ pupils but one of her teachers is really getting my back up.
She has sent me several emails over recent weeks regarding dd’s school work but when she mentions my dd it is always in a non-binary way (ie they/them).
I have replied back a few times to state that dd is NOT non-binary and she wishes to be addressed as she/her.
However, she never replies back after my requests and with each subsequent email still refers to dd as they/them.
I know it may not be a big thing for many but it is really annoying me.
Dd does not wish to be non-binary (she has no issue with anyone who wants to be), she is more than happy with the sex she was born into and loves being female. She recognises and happily accepts she is she/her.

Would you be happy for your child to be continually addressed as them/they when you have specifically asked for the teacher not to?

As a teacher I do this all the time. You’d be better off worrying about the number of emails you’re getting rather than the pronouns!! If the teacher has to email you that often don’t begrudge them a way of reducing their workload. As a PP has said, your focus speaks volumes

This is just how most people write when it comes to replying to general emails concerning someone other than the recipient ie your child is doing well. When I spoke to them they said they were worried etc etc. I work in public sector and we do this too. It's been around for longer than the binary non binary thing.

It's obviously just her writing style. I can't imagine complaining about this.

@Aprilx

I think you are reading too much into it.

And this is exactly the problem. Why is it ok for Trans people to demand they're referred to a certain way but the rest of us are "reading too much into it" if we dare request to be referred to by our chosen pronouns?!?

I think you actually should try being a teacher for a week and then come back to this and see if you care then.

Fucking hell who would be a teacher these days?

I wish this was all i had to worry about in my life. Honestly.

You’re assuming the teacher is using they/them in a non binary way (why?!) when they’re probably just c&p to save time when sending emails and they/them can obviously be used for anyone.

That’s what I assume when I get emails from school like this regarding my children. You’re being really precious/looking for offence.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

Most of the software I use allows me to auto-populate a name from a spreadsheet or database ie [FirstName] but the software doesn't have a built in pronouns filter.

That sounds remarkably poor for the software writers not to have bothered to include that very basic function. It would be such a very basic thing to pick up from the [FirstName] field and then the [Sex] field, with a very simple rule to convert 'M', 'F' or 'X' / 'NB' / 'not specified' to the appropriate pronouns.

It certainly is, and it's a pain. Probably can on the more up to date/sophisticated software but certainly not ours.

It would annoy me that a teacher didn't know singular from plural.

YABU

A lot of people seem to have forgotten lately that the singular they/them has always existed to refer to people.

If I saw a very masculine person running in the street with a full beard etc and said to someone ‘look how fast they’re running!’ that would be correct. You can refer to any single person as they/them without assigning them pronouns. It’s just part of how the English language works.

I’ve seen a lot of people replying to posts with ‘they’ in them with things like ‘why are you assuming they’re non binary?’ (Mostly on American websites) when that’s always been a completely acceptable way to refer to someone.

Unless your child has confided something in the teacher, it’s highly probable that they just refer to every pupil as ‘they’ in their emails and it’s nothing to do with to gender identity.

Total non issue your one of those parents.

@YouHaveYourFathersBreasts

You’re assuming the teacher is using they/them in a non binary way (why?!) when they’re probably just c&p to save time when sending emails and they/them can obviously be used for anyone.

That’s what I assume when I get emails from school like this regarding my children. You’re being really precious/looking for offence.

This is a very good point and highly likely

I think the first thing to do is to establish if you are correct in your assumption or confused. I'd try and have a phone conversation with the teacher in question and get it clarified. Not blaming just asking if you are correct first?

Can you imagine the outcry if you asked the teacher to refer to your daughter as they/them and she insisted on using she/her? It works both ways, YANBU.

Oh ffs

These are the pronouns teachers are made to use now. Unsure why it would upset you, unless you have a problem with the LGBTQ+ community?

If that’s all you picked up from the email then I’m glad they didn’t waste time writing personal emails for each child and they decided to copy and paste because you sound like one of those parents that are always “going up there and telling that school”

@SockFluffInTheBath

If a teacher is regularly emailing about your DD’s work then your focus should not be on pronouns.

Funny how that only seems to apply to females.

Which I suspect is @Sixmonthcruise's point.

That her DD has noticed, knows what 'non-binary' is and does not choose to identify thus it does seem a bit lax to refuse to respond to a request for proferred pronouns to be used.

I used to teach. Searching out the s/he his/hers in reports is all part of the job.

@Broads93

These are the pronouns teachers are made to use now. Unsure why it would upset you, unless you have a problem with the LGBTQ+ community?

No. They are not made to use them.

And it is sod all to do with the LGBTQ+ community. It is the T community. And, if you really are going to be inclusive and respectful of individual choices, then DD should be referred to by her chosen pronouns.

And if you can't do that then admit that it is all made up bollocks anyway!

I always think of ‘they’ and ‘them’ as plural pronouns and not singulars to replace he/she etc. the non gendered singular is surely’it’.

It wouldn't bother me.

Funny how that only seems to apply to females.

Really? Where is the male equivalent thread? Or are you just reaching? In which case you would do well to know your audience.

I also used to teach by the way (and didn’t feel the need to copy & paste on reports) so save the head-patting for someone else my love.

So the email was along the lines of
I'm emailing regarding Jessica, and the issues with them not completing their homework. This has happened a lot and I've spoken to them on numerous occasions.

As opposed to I'm emailing regarding Jessica, and the issues with her not completing her homework. This has happened a lot and I've spoken to her on numerous occasions.

Honestly I think you're focusing on the wrong issue. She's not declaring your child is non binary, not female or should change their gender. I imagine it's just habit to write they them instead of sex based pronouns with so many kids nad she's refusing to humour you in insisting your daughter must be addressed as you decree.

I'd focus on why she's emailing so much.

@BadgerB

It would annoy me that a teacher didn't know singular from plural.

Yes, exactly.

@SockFluffInTheBath

Funny how that only seems to apply to females.

Really? Where is the male equivalent thread? Or are you just reaching? In which case you would do well to know your audience.

I also used to teach by the way (and didn’t feel the need to copy & paste on reports) so save the head-patting for someone else my love.

I think it's fairly obvious that I quoted the wrong post. I intended to quote one further back up the thread by CorBlimeyGG. Mainly because I do know my audience with regard to that poster.

Untwist those knickers, it was an error. You have my apologies!