To think this is a fair allocation of bedrooms?

[Wintersbone]

We have just moved into our new house. We very purposefully bought a 5 bed so each of the kids DSS (19), DSD (16), DS (12) and DD (7) could each have their own room. Two of the kids bedrooms are slightly larger in area than the other two. I had planned to give the smaller two bedrooms to the stepkids on the premise that they aren't here as much but DSD is quite upset. She ran through the house and declared a bedroom "hers". She's fairly upset at not being given that bedroom and now the younger two are offering to give up theirs which is very sweet but feels wrong. Am I being a cow here?

There's an awful lot of projection going on here. DSD isn't bratty nor awful. She just isn't. She's a child who has a fixed idea of something she wanted. She's also a stepchild so there will be extra sensitivities to consider. There isn't a single photo of just DH and the younger two anywhere up in the house. All the family photos have us ALL in them. In fact there are far more of my stepkids because frankly I've lost steam with each kid to keep up with the photos!

She has a full set of everything here. All the clothes she likes best migrate to her mums but I bought them for her so that's her choice.

The amount of time she spends here is pertinent in my view. To go with a less convenient set up most of the month seems silly really. Her bedroom will still be a good sized double with space for a big desk and walk-in closet. It's hardly a cupboard!

It's really only a few night a year that the ensuite jack and Jill would have anyone else using it. If she wants I'll offer to have her swap with DD on those nights. But my guess is she won't be fussed once she decorates it how she wants. In the future we could split the jack and jill into two smaller en-suites. It's really quite big. Seems to shame to rip out a nearly new bathroom u til we know if it's a big issue or not.

@Wintersbone

Last night DH found he does have an opinion! DD was woken up by the TV because the jack and jill bedrooms are over the lounge and DH has a surround sound system. The ensuite bedrooms are the other end of the house. As we only have DSD EOW she very rarely will overlap with guests unless it's my mother who comes once a year and whom DSD adores. I try to schedule other guests for when DSD isn't with us. Essentially this will leave DSD with a slightly smaller bedroom but a huge bathroom all to herself the vast majority of the time.

I would have preferred a family bathroom to the jack and jill but the layout means it can't be fixed. It doesn't share a wall with the landing.

Well that solves it!

You don't want the 7yo to be woken up regularly by the TV, esp as she is there everyday.

I'm with your dh there.

@FindmeuptheFarawaytree

Sorry but I do think it's a bit mean. I'd give the 16 yo and 12yo the ensuites as they will get most benefit from them for now. 19yo won't be there all that often as at uni so doesn't need the large bedroom and 7yo was more than happy to have the smaller room. From the outside it looks like any excuse not to give bigger room to dsd. When she goes to uni or whatever the understanding will be that dd7 then gets to move to the ensuite room. I think your dh just needs to turn his 'surround sound' down quite frankly if it loud enough to wake anyone. However it is of course your decision, but that's my thoughts on the matter.

Did you miss the bit about the en suite rooms being noisy from the TV downstairs? The 7 year old needs to get to sleep earlier than the 16 or 19 year old so much more sensible for her to have a quieter room.

Sorry I meant the jack and jill rooms being noisier than the en suite rooms.

Did you miss the bit about the en suite rooms being noisy from the TV

DH has a surround sound system

There’s a selfish person in this family, for sure.

Poor dad has to sit in silence 7 nights a week so 16 year old can have her own way when she spends time with them. Is he allowed to eat when Madame isn't in residence?

Or 'poor dad' could just not have surround sound on. It's clearly not necessary in a normal home, most people don't have tv's on loud whilst their children are sleeping! Funny how he only had an opinion when it affected his TV watching. If he had stepped in with some parenting earlier and made sure everyone knew what was happening to begin with there wouldn't be such an issue now.

@FindmeuptheFarawaytree None of this is 'necessary'. This is about balancing everyone's wants and feelings. I'm not going to tell DH he can't watch tv once DD is in bed because DSD needs to have the other room EOW. Originally I thought I didn't care which bedrooms they each took but on reflection a certain configuration makes more sense.

It must feel to 16yo as if her wants and feelings are the only ones being completely ignored. Also, it is possible to watch TV without loud surround sound on, which is what a lot of parents do. I didn't suggest he couldn't watch TV at all, turning it down wouldn't hurt him! Like I said, that's just my view, you've made your decision and that's fine and am sure it will work out in the end. It's not surprising that 16yo is hurt by all this, but I guess she will get over it, either way it's not the end of the world.

@ItsDisneyBitch

I would give the girls an en-suite and the boys the jack and Jill, if the elder boy is at university then it’s like the younger has his own bathroom anyway except during the holidays.

This

Far better two males share a bathroom esp if a lot of the time the youngest son will have to his self

Assume you have bed 5 with en-suite. And possibly another bathroom as well

[quote Wintersbone]@FindmeuptheFarawaytree None of this is 'necessary'. This is about balancing everyone's wants and feelings. I'm not going to tell DH he can't watch tv once DD is in bed because DSD needs to have the other room EOW. Originally I thought I didn't care which bedrooms they each took but on reflection a certain configuration makes more sense. [/quote]
Madness isn't it, your husband not allowed to do what he wants in his own house so his daughter can have the room she wants EOW.

Put her in a cupboard under the stairs like Harry Potter. That'll give MN something to froth about. She could have a jug of water to wash in and a portapotti for her ensuite.

I'd give DD and DSD the ensuite rooms but make it clear if a guest is staying they will be sleeping in DSD ensuite room. DS and DSS get Jack and Jill bathrooms but never have to give them up for guests.

What does your DH think? There his kids.

I got told which bedroom I was having as a child. And that was it.

Is it that she shares a bathroom with her brother at her mum’s and doesn’t want to do that again at her dad’s? Perhaps because the experience isn’t that positive.

Surely it's better to give the kids who are there the least the smaller rooms on the proviso that they get to keep their rooms post leaving school, rather than swapping them around as people get older?

In five years time it would be madness to make your then 13 year old daughter have a smaller room and leave the big en suite to her 21 year old older sister.

@TheMeditativeRose She's never mentioned the bathroom at her mums being an issue. Her mum has an ensuite and her brother is at uni so most of the time she has the family bathroom to herself.