To think this is a fair allocation of bedrooms?

[Wintersbone]

We have just moved into our new house. We very purposefully bought a 5 bed so each of the kids DSS (19), DSD (16), DS (12) and DD (7) could each have their own room. Two of the kids bedrooms are slightly larger in area than the other two. I had planned to give the smaller two bedrooms to the stepkids on the premise that they aren't here as much but DSD is quite upset. She ran through the house and declared a bedroom "hers". She's fairly upset at not being given that bedroom and now the younger two are offering to give up theirs which is very sweet but feels wrong. Am I being a cow here?

Give Dsd ensuite

Following your updates I would put the girls together and have the other ensuite as spare room/University sons room.

@BreadInCaptivity

Thanks for the mansplain, I didn’t say it wasn’t ‘their home’. The fact is they have two homes and are resident in the other one where they get their pick of the bedrooms.

Making them feel at home doesn’t necessitate giving them the largest rooms that will stand empty for 12 days in 14.

I would give the resident kids the better rooms on the basis that they are being used 100% of the time.

All of the children are 'resident kids' - just some are also resident elsewhere, with their other parent.

It's OP's step-children's parents who are each not resident in their ex's home - they are the ones whose relationship has ended, not either of their relationships with their children.

[quote TatianaBis]@BreadInCaptivity

Thanks for the mansplain, I didn’t say it wasn’t ‘their home’. The fact is they have two homes and are resident in the other one where they get their pick of the bedrooms.

Making them feel at home doesn’t necessitate giving them the largest rooms that will stand empty for 12 days in 14.[/quote]

I'm not sure it's possible for a woman to mansplain .

It's entirely possible for two women to have different opinions though.

I think your original plan was fine.

It’s really hard - and with new houses and bedrooms someone always feels short changed.

This should all been discussed before hand. She is a teenager and got carried away thinking she had priority to pick the best room and all the other kids would fall in behind her. Step kid or not families rarely work that way and I am sure had they all been full siblings you would have just told her what you have decided and she would have got on with it.

My parents moved house when I was a teenager. I wanted the best room. My mum and dad gave it to my sister. I was younger and the best room had a balcony- I sleep walk! I thought it was incredibly unfair at the time.

I would have hated the thought of a jack & jill bathroom as a teen; i still do tbh.

I’d put the younger kids in the J&J and the older ones in the ensuites.

@Somebodylikeyew

I would have hated the thought of a jack & jill bathroom as a teen; i still do tbh.

I’d put the younger kids in the J&J and the older ones in the ensuites.

Jeeze. World's smallest violin for anyone struggling with the idea. Most of us have a family bathroom and that's it.

Ignoring the step children factor, I would give DSD a room with an en-suite if available because of her age. DS the other large en-suite for the reasons you’ve outlined and then DSS and DD share Jack and Jill. How often do you have guests that them sharing a bathroom with DD would really be an issue?? Perhaps you could bargain with DSD that she can have the room she wants if she’s prepared to surrender it to guests? Given she’s not with you all the time, it may never pose an issue for her in terms of overlap anyway

Jeeze. World's smallest violin for anyone struggling with the idea. Most of us have a family bathroom and that's it.

IK, R? Mumsnet is the world's biggest middle class bubble sometimes.

@greenteafiend

Jeeze. World's smallest violin for anyone struggling with the idea. Most of us have a family bathroom and that's it.

IK, R? Mumsnet is the world's biggest middle class bubble sometimes.

It really is. Most of the time I can just smile about it, and good luck to people who can afford five bed, four bathroom houses.

But when a DSD is being seen as treated unfairly because she's got to share a Jack and Jill HUGE bathroom with one person (for two days a week with someone who's about to go to uni anyway) I just cringe.

Try four people all showering and getting ready for work/school with one bathroom (and there are bigger families doing the same).

Bloody maddening...

But when a DSD is being seen as treated unfairly because she's got to share a Jack and Jill HUGE bathroom with one person (for two days a week with someone who's about to go to uni anyway) I just cringe.

Just because all the children are fortunate enough to live in a nice house, that doesn’t mean you don’t have to be careful to be doing things as fairly as possible within that house.

It’s the insecurity of the two doors that I hate about the J&J bathroom, actually. The fear that someone might forget to lock a door (me or the other person). And I would have REALLY struggled with that as a body conscious teen.

But no, you go on sticking the boot in, if it makes you feel better.

It’s the insecurity of the two doors that I hate about the J&J bathroom, actually. The fear that someone might forget to lock a door (me or the other person). And I would have REALLY struggled with that as a body conscious teen.

Yes. A family bathroom would be my preference over this, especially when there are step siblings and guests in the house.

I think there’s a few jealous people on here tonight lashing out at anyone.

I'd give the older 2 the en suites, which would probably also suit guests better.

Yes, I think letting her help with the decoration will smooth things over. I'm sure they're all lovely rooms. It sounds like a beautiful house, so hopefully things will settle down soon. It seems like you have put a lot of thought into everything.

At 16 I think DSD should have the best room. It's only fair IMHO.

I think there’s a few jealous people on here tonight lashing out at anyone

Oh for goodness sake, wheeling out the jealousy thing is the playground response to criticism. We're all grown adults.

I just think it's ridiculous for a 16 year old who's only there at weekends should be prioritised over the children who are there all week, because she shouldn't have to share a bathroom with one other person.

Of all the reasons to allocate rooms, and all the reasons to pity the 'poor neglected step child' that's the daftest. Because compared to the vast majority of 16 year old girls, she's privileged, bathroom-wise.

It’s the insecurity of the two doors that I hate about the J&J bathroom, actually. The fear that someone might forget to lock a door (me or the other person). And I would have REALLY struggled with that as a body conscious teen.

I agree with this. I’d have hated thinking my dads mates might walk in or I might walk in on them if the door got left unlocked. I wouldn’t actually want either of the shared bathroom rooms used for guests if a child was in the other room. I’d personally give the older two the en-suite rooms and the younger two the shared bathroom.
Definitely don’t say if she comes to you for A-levels she’ll get a bigger room. That sounds like, you didn’t choose us for GCSE so you get a smaller room.

Of all the reasons to allocate rooms, and all the reasons to pity the 'poor neglected step child' that's the daftest. Because compared to the vast majority of 16 year old girls, she's privileged, bathroom-wise.

Things must be fair in the OPs family. Other 16 year olds bedroom/bathroom situations are irrelevant in this discussion.

Not an exact comparison as they’re living with us full time, with some weekends at other family members. But my sister and brother unexpectedly ended up living with myself, my Dp and our two children. We’ve had to extend to make room and my sister 16, was given the one and only en-suite room, my brother the second largest room, my Ds the third and my Dd the smallest room.
I also wouldn’t use their rooms as guest rooms when they’re not here though, it’s their space and I think that’s very important at their ages. My sister will also keep her room when she goes to university, she’ll be back in the holidays and will need to leave a lot of her stuff here so both myself and Dp agree she keeps her room.

Older ones ha e their own en-suite, younger ones have the jack and Jill loo

someone using the room full time trumps 2 nights a fortnight.

• the issue of DS needing to be near you, and the issue of the 7 y/o being better off with an ensuite tham J&J arrangement when guests stay - UNLESS - DSD is happy for her room to be used as a guest room when she isn't there is she has an ensuite.

and really - no scale diagram so we can establish relative sizes & proximity to your room