What would YOU do?

[Lyonic]

I have twin boys aged 2 and a half who will be starting nursery soon. While it has been a struggle to get to this stage theough covid, the idea of freeing up some time to get the house in order unmolested! Cant wait.

The issue is that my mother who has been retired for over a year has not offered any support for childcare. I was left in the care of my grandparents for 3 hours a day, Mon - Fri, yet us asking help for 1 day a week is crossing a line?

I feel im im the right but wanted to know what you think?

How do you know it’s crossing the line if you haven’t asked?

She doesn't owe you childcare.

Sorry but they’re your children, she’s under no obligation to look after your children for you
I’m surprised you think they’re somehow her responsibility actually

It would be nice if she helped - if she is able for it - but she is under no obligation to ultimately.

Is there issues in your relationship with her?

You can ask but no, your mother does not owe you childcare.

Have you asked and she's said no? It certainly isn't something you can just expect.

She doesn't have to really tbh.

It's irrelevant what care you received I'm afraid.

Maybe your grandparents wanted to look after you but she doesn't want to look after your kids?

She has raised her own children and is now rightfully enjoying her retirement. It isn't an "issue" that she hasn't offered any childcare. Why would you expect that?

There's no harm in asking, but you should gracefully accept her decision if she says no. It shouldn't be an expectation. You chose to have children, so you need to be the one/s to manage childcare.

@Chilesstanton

How do you know it’s crossing the line if you haven’t asked?

This! You don't know until you ask. And if your grandparents wanted to look after you, that doesn't mean your mum will want to do the same. (I'm not sure I'd volunteer to look after twin boy toddlers either to be honest)

You are in no way in the right. Your sense of entitlement is shocking. The fact your grandparents cared for you is irrelevant, that's what they wanted to do. Clearly, your mother doesn't want to provide regular child care, and I don't blame her. These are your child to deal with, not hers.

Just because her mother was happy to do it doesn't put her under any obligation to provide free childcare for yours.

I would say nothing. If she hasn't offered, then don't ask. The one advantage of paid childcare is that you call all the shots, whereas if she does something that annoys you, you can't say anything. My mother is dead. I wish my mil would do a bit more but if she doesn't want to then that's her prerogative.

No one can expect their parent/s to provide childcare, and it is selfish to do so. Why can't your mother enjoy her retirement on her terms? If she doesn't want to do the whole bringing up children again, why should she?
And how do those without living parents, or those with parents living in different countries, or even no living parents, manage? And maybe a parent simply doesn't want to be an unpaid babysitter...

You're ok to ask.

She's ok to say no. She doesn't owe you any childcare.

But you ha enough twins, and a few hours a day if different to a full day. You also say grandparents so 2 of them one of you? Perhaps they offered. Your mum shouldn't feel obliged to be tied to your children.

You are not entitled to childcare from your mother!

They are your children, and whilst you have been looked after by your grandparents it maybe she doesn’t want to do it, it’s two children, not one

If she hasn’t offered by now then I would suggest she is not going to, so.just put them in full time childcare

Yabu.

Two year old twins?? No way.

It's ok to ask, that's not crossing a line. It's ok for her to say no if it doesn't suit her. Your OP is confusing. Did you ask and she reacted badly?

I dont understand why parents would not want to support their children, thats the circle of life. When I did not have kids, having all that time for whatever, thinking of having that time again and not helping my kids seems bonkers.

You talk about a sense of entitlement but we have not had anyone look after our kids
once.

I guess maybe im just more family oriented than others.

F

You can ask, but she can say no.

Some Poole cherish time spent with their grandchild and others don’t want to spend their retirement caring for someone else’s children. Toddler twin boys could potentially be a lot of work!

MIL always wanted to help us out. My own mother moaned so much having dd1 for one day a week for about 6 months that I ended up putting her in nursery as she clearly didn’t want to have her. Either way is fine, you don’t have a right to them caring for your children.

• some people obviously.

Can you really remember back to when you were 2.5? Because I'm thinking probably not and that you were actually a few years older and a lot less hands on when your grandparents looked after you for 3 hours a day. It's tough, it's hard work I get it but think you are being very unfair

@Lyonic

I dont understand why parents would not want to support their children, thats the circle of life. When I did not have kids, having all that time for whatever, thinking of having that time again and not helping my kids seems bonkers.

You talk about a sense of entitlement but we have not had anyone look after our kids
once.

I guess maybe im just more family oriented than others.

I'm not sure I'd want to commit to looking after twins! How much help per week are you expecting?