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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Chippy tea

182 replies

feminarste · 12/02/2022 18:12

If your other half said, do you fancy some chip shop chips on the way home from work-both if you in the car.
You pull up and he goes in, you stay in the car as you've not got a coat and it's a wait outside situation.
He come out
Having bought you and his son chip but himself a massive cod and chips.
Would you be pissed?
It just feels like a proper reflection of how he views "us"
I said that's selfish and he said it was absent minded.

OP posts:
Idontlikeworms · 12/02/2022 18:14

Did you want fish? Could you have told him what you wanted before he went in?

Sirzy · 12/02/2022 18:15

To be honest I wokld have said to him “I will have…..” before he went in.

He asked if you wanted chips you said yes.

AngelicInnocent · 12/02/2022 18:16

Why didn't you tell him what you wanted before he left the car?

PurpleDaisies · 12/02/2022 18:17

I can’t imagine dh not asking what I wanted.

MisgenderedSwan · 12/02/2022 18:17

A chippy tea to me would be fish and chips. Bag of chips would be chips by itself. Even if it is absent minded it still shows he manages to consider himself.

MistOverTheDowns · 12/02/2022 18:17

Is his day job a mind reader? If so, then he should have read your mind.

sadpapercourtesan · 12/02/2022 18:17

He bought you just chips? I do think that's weird, and selfish. I can't understand why he didn't ask you what you wanted before he went in though, or why you didn't speak up.

If DH went to the chippy for us and there was some reason he couldn't ask me what I wanted, he would get a couple of things we both like and offer me the choice. No way would he buy himself a massive cod and me bugger-all-and-chips.

Original poster
feminarste · 12/02/2022 18:17

We do sometime get chips and then have something g with it at home-this was that situation as far as I was aware.
It just feels thoughtless-how much effort is involved in just poking your head in and saying actually I'm gonna get fish-you fancy anything?

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 12/02/2022 18:18

If it’s a massive cod, just share it.

MsSquiz · 12/02/2022 18:18

If DH asked if I wanted "chip shop chips" and I said yes, that's probably what he'd get me.

If he said "do you fancy the chippy for tea?" And I said yes, he'd ask what I wanted.

If you wanted more than chips, why didn't you specify what you wanted?

Woeismethischristmas · 12/02/2022 18:19

Hugely selfish. I have 6 yo so will get them chips whilst they have a bit of my fish (sometimes I get none) he should split the cod into 3. Next time he should ask if you want a supper if he’s getting one.

Qwill · 12/02/2022 18:19

Maybe it’s a regional thing, but it sound like he explicitly offered you some chip shop chips? That’s what I would be expecting. If I wanted fish as well, or something else, I would have just said so. Not sure either of you are wrong really, but you definitely have a communication problem.

SummerHouse · 12/02/2022 18:20

Yes that's madly annoying. That would not be happening again on my watch. Yes, you could have said "I want X" but he could equally have asked as he was planning his massive fish. It rude, tight and inconsiderate. Selfish savage. God, I am fuming. i may be a little hungry

Kgutdfn · 12/02/2022 18:20

YANBU

Original poster
feminarste · 12/02/2022 18:21

We were just popping in to get chips-the questions was do you want chips. Not what do you want from the chippy for dinner-this wasn't his idea either-our son had asked for chip shop chips.
He just went the extra for himself and didn't think to ask if we might fancy that to

OP posts:
Teeturtle · 12/02/2022 18:21

I can’t imagine it happening really. We would never be just buying chips from the chippy, we would be getting a full meal and would ask for what we wanted.

FlasherMcGruff · 12/02/2022 18:25

If he asked if you wanted chips and you said yes and asked for nothing else, why does that limit him to only getting chips too? If he want in the chippy with your order, then decided he wanted fish then I don’t see the problem. It sounds like you only wanted fish when you realised he was having it? Isn’t this a bit like when people don’t ask the waiter for dessert in a restaurant but when the other person gets theirs they decide they now want it too? Why did you feel that when he asked if you wanted chips, that was the only option available to you?

MrsGHarrison87 · 12/02/2022 18:25

If you normally just get chips then yabu. My husband would always ask what I want as we wouldn't just get chips, but maybe if your husband is used to you just getting chips and he doesn't normally get a fish for himself, maybe it was just an absent minded thing? Next time tell him what you want.

FlasherMcGruff · 12/02/2022 18:25

*went not want

OldTinHat · 12/02/2022 18:27

I would say what I wanted with my chips before he went in.

VladmirsPoutine · 12/02/2022 18:30

Is this another example of you feeling as though he caters for himself first and doesn't make a conscious effort with you and your son? As in prioritise your wants and needs before his? If so yanbu. I'm sure my ex still tells people that I left him because he didn't put a cup in a sink - whereas that was just the last straw in a shopping list of his lack of general conscientiousness within the relationship.

MsSquiz · 12/02/2022 18:32

@feminarste

We were just popping in to get chips-the questions was do you want chips. Not what do you want from the chippy for dinner-this wasn't his idea either-our son had asked for chip shop chips. He just went the extra for himself and didn't think to ask if we might fancy that to
Maybe he just decided once he was in the shop that he would also get a fish?

If you wanted something else with your chips, why not ask for it?

ouch321 · 12/02/2022 18:34

Yeah that's inconsiderate

Original poster
feminarste · 12/02/2022 18:35

@MrsGHarrison87 we nor ally all just get chips and hve something with it at home or just chips-I hear but but this just feels like more evidence of how he tends to think of himself and not us
I can't imagine ordering "extras" for me and not checking if anyone else fancy's that too

OP posts:
Sideswiped · 12/02/2022 18:36

I'd have expected him to share the fish.
If he was genuinely sorry for being absent-minded, he would have done that with no problem.