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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Chippy tea

182 replies

feminarste · 12/02/2022 18:12

If your other half said, do you fancy some chip shop chips on the way home from work-both if you in the car.
You pull up and he goes in, you stay in the car as you've not got a coat and it's a wait outside situation.
He come out
Having bought you and his son chip but himself a massive cod and chips.
Would you be pissed?
It just feels like a proper reflection of how he views "us"
I said that's selfish and he said it was absent minded.

OP posts:
emuloc · 12/02/2022 20:26

@XiCi

How can people not see this! Either thick as fuck or just being goady
Sure, Just because we do not all agree.
VestaTilley · 12/02/2022 20:26

You should’ve spoken up, he also should’ve asked you all, or offered to share his cod.

figuringoutmylife · 12/02/2022 20:29

I agree with you @feminarste sounds very self centered!

delilahbucket · 12/02/2022 20:30

I would have asked for what I wanted, although DH would asked what me and DS wanted before going in, as would I if I went in.

sotrueindeed · 12/02/2022 20:30

Sure, Just because we do not all agree

But this isn't a case of different but equally valid perspectives.

This is someone who buys and eats a proper meal for himself but only offers and gets a snack for his wife and child. If you 'agree' that is reasonable thing to do in an equal and respectful relationship, then the PP who described such opinion holders as ' thick as fuck' has it right.

TheKeatingFive · 12/02/2022 20:33

The water was fine when that was the offer. But the situation has changed with the wine.

Exactly

FinallyHere · 12/02/2022 20:36

He just went the extra for himself and didn't think to ask if we might fancy that to

Massively selfish.

I can't imagine doing this myself. Why on earth would he?

Anklebiter999 · 12/02/2022 20:40

@SunshineOnKeith

Anklebiter999 Clearly just a GF spoiling for an excuse to monopolise and derail the thread then  Bizarre what some folk do for amusement. The lack of tag is deliberate as you're clearly attention seeking Confused
Please explain what you mean by 'lack of tag' and GF as not familiar with this MN jargon
Walkingalot · 12/02/2022 20:40

It's selfish and tight to only get you chips but himself fish as well. I'm assuming he knows you both like fish. If he changed his mind when he got in the shop, he should have just ordered fish for you too.

user33323 · 12/02/2022 20:44

I can't understand how some people are trying to justify this or worse, that it is your fault for not asking for something else. Some people really will go the extra mile to have an alternative point of view. What he did was without a doubt selfish. He gave the impression he was just getting chips for everyone. If he decided he really wanted fish but didn't want the expensive of asking if anyone else wanted something extra, he should have at least offered to divide it between you all.

AngelinaFibres · 12/02/2022 20:45

Time to split that fish into 3 then.

DearFrutti · 12/02/2022 20:48

It doesn't sound like it's about the fish, no. I'm sorry and I hope you find your way out

(Btw @Anklebiter999 you need to fucking chill. Jeez. Grin)

PinkSyCo · 12/02/2022 20:51

Let’s put this another way for you posters who think it was OP’s fault for not asking for fish. Forget the husband a minute, but what would you or would you not judge the OP if she got herself fish and chips but her DC only chips?

ClariceQuiff · 12/02/2022 20:55

@PinkSyCo

Let’s put this another way for you posters who think it was OP’s fault for not asking for fish. Forget the husband a minute, but what would you or would you not judge the OP if she got herself fish and chips but her DC only chips?
Surely depends on the age of the DC. An older one could speak up about what they wanted. A full portion of fish and chips would probably be too much for a small one, so it would need to be one or the other anyway.
Anklebiter999 · 12/02/2022 20:58

@DearFrutti Yes, of course. Anything you say. Jeez

user33323 · 12/02/2022 20:59

Those asking why she didn't ask for something else beforehand have clearly never lived on a budget. Chips for all is less than £5. Fish and chips for all would quadruple the price. He asked if she wanted chips, not chippy. Maybe there is a regional difference to the wording and the occasional habit of buying just chips on their own, but it isn't uncommon for us to just buy chips and add to it at home to save money.

user33323 · 12/02/2022 21:01

God I really want fish and chips now.

PinkSyCo · 12/02/2022 21:01

Surely depends on the age of the DC. An older one could speak up about what they wanted. A full portion of fish and chips would probably be too much for a small one, so it would need to be one or the other anyway.

So you think if a mum offered her kid chips, it’s ok that mum gets herself fish and chips and her child just chips because the child didn’t ask if she could have fish too or because fish AND chips might be too much for it then? Wow, selfish.

StandsForComfort · 12/02/2022 21:04

YANBU, how thoughtless and horrible of your husband to treat his own family like that. My DH would honestly never do something like that, he always puts me first. Even if I explicitly said I just wanted chips, he'd get me something anyway, or insist on giving me half of his. He's kind to a fault, but IMO that's how it should be in a marriage. You deserve so much better.

cuno · 12/02/2022 21:04

Let's forget what OP should/could have said.
Imagine you were the partner, not OP. Would you offer her chips, and after she said yes go and get yourself a slap up meal while getting her and the son just chips between them? Even if I was planning on just getting chips but changed my mind in the queue, I would have dropped a text message, 'I'm having some cod, is there anything else you'd like?' If no response I'd just get what I know she generally enjoys with her chips from the shop, plus something for my child unless they only really eat chips. It's really not that difficult, it's just being a decent partner really.

Personally I don't even think he changed his mind, I think he planned it from the start. Sounds like he has form for this considering his other behaviour and the fact OP wants a divorce.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 12/02/2022 21:08

Love the way everyone has a go at you because your husband is a selfish shit.
No woman on this earth would go in and buy herself a massive bag of fish and chips and only chips for everyone else.
It's totally entitled, misogynistic, selfish behaviour only ever seen in people with penises who think they are more important than anyone else.

Howshouldibehave · 12/02/2022 21:15

That’s really selfish of him!

sanbeiji · 12/02/2022 21:17

He's a selfish idiot and I'm stunned at all the people falling over themselves to justify his behavior. But this IS AIBU.. where people get a kick out of kicking the OP.

Even my autistic DP thinks it's blindingly obvious that he should have asked. If it's obvious to him it should be obvious to anyone else.

Silverswirl · 12/02/2022 21:25

The problem is- yes the OP did say yes to chip shop chips, however when OP’s DP got in the shop he decided he wanted fish as well. Rather than consider that she may also like some fish ( and his son) he just didn’t think.
It’s just self absorption and thoughtless. Utterly thoughtless.

Silverswirl · 12/02/2022 21:27

And also.. what’s he going to do afterwards? Sit there happily munching down a whole cod whilst the rest of his family have just chips.
Who the hell even does that?
God some men can be utterly entitled pricks. Makes my blood boil