Chippy tea

[feminarste]

If your other half said, do you fancy some chip shop chips on the way home from work-both if you in the car.
You pull up and he goes in, you stay in the car as you've not got a coat and it's a wait outside situation.
He come out
Having bought you and his son chip but himself a massive cod and chips.
Would you be pissed?
It just feels like a proper reflection of how he views "us"
I said that's selfish and he said it was absent minded.

@VladmirsPoutine you got it :(

I’d have said what I wanted. How would he know?

He wasn't sorry, doubled down with the "uhuhs" "here we go again" and "oh I'm so selfish am I"

Just share his cod with him, we won't do it again

I would give DH my order. I wouldn't wait to be asked TBH.

Agree with pps - I'd have told him what I wanted when he mentioned it.

And just to add 'I didn't think' (or a version of it) is probably what you've heard far often, in the light of your last post.

I think you've got bigger fish to fry here op xx

In a healthy relationship youd just say "halfsies" and that would be it dealt with.

If it's a sign of a bigger problem you need serious words without children there

I'm also sensing this isn't just about the fish.

I used to argue with my DH about him being selfish. Then he said to me that he wasn't and he just wasn't as selfless as I was. So I stopped being selfless. And funnily enough, he also stopped being selfish because there wasn't the space for him to be selfish anymore because I was actually taking up space and time again.

I had a chippy tea yesterday.
I said - do you want chippy?
Rely - yes. I’ll have cod bites and chips.
Me - ok.
I went in and got myself sausage & chips and what they wanted.

Most people would say what they want however it sounds like you always get just chips from the chippy and if that’s the case then he is definitely being selfish.

I think this is like going for 'coffee' and the other person buys themselves cake without asking you. Or offering a 'quick bite' but then the asker gets themselves a starter and dessert.

OP was operating on the usual rules and he decided the rules would differ today. But just for him. I think a good way to tell if this was dickish is to ask, "what would he have thought if you'd done the same?"

Really surprised by pp answers

If my friend offered me a glass of water and came back with a water for me and a wine for herself I’d be put out
The water was fine when that was the offer. But the situation has changed with the wine.
Of course I could’ve asked for a wine, but that’s hardly an argument. I also could’ve asked for a steak. But that’s not how interactions work.

It’s not a huge deal as an isolated incident but if the op feels like this is a reflection of how her dp sees her and his son, then I’m guessing it isn’t an isolated incident.

My husband has a rather large number of faults [cough] bit he would never have left the car without checking what everyone wanted. And tbh, if he'd suddenly decided once in the chippy to get something else on a whim, he would pop his head out or text to see if others wanted one too.

But you know this is selfish behaviour, don't you?

Yes, definitely unreasonable; if you often just get chips , then the expectation is that something else will be prepared at home to go with them. So you don't decide to get fish for yourself without checking if others want it too, when they'll still have to turn around and cook their chicken or burger or whatever!!

[there are exceptions; I'm gluten-free so we might get chips and all cook fish at home, or fish and chips with extra chips for me and I'll cook my fish while they get it!]

I wouldn't be drunk, no.

@WonderfulYou are cod bites like fishy chicken nuggets ? Never heard of those.

Pp saying op could’ve said what she wanted

But he didn’t say ‘do you want chippy tea’
And he didn’t say ‘what do you want?’
He said ‘do you want chips’
Implying the option / question was chips or not chips. Which is usually the situation, rules or whatever you call it that op and her dp follow. Maybe a full meal for all 3 was out the budget or some other reason she may not think a full meal was a (reasonable) option.

Definitely selfish

Yes that's exactly how I feel.
The rules changed but only for him
As per really
I did say could you imagine your dad offering g you mum a coffee and coming back with a sandwich just for him and not her and dh stomped off
I want a divorce but when I mention it he just says well fuck off then.
He's not the nicest
But sometimes I wonder if-with this small stuff I'm just being a dick

Don’t be ridiculous if you wanted fish you should say it shouldn’t be well I’m having fish now too so do you want fish . Dh often has fish , chips , peas from chippy I’ll often say just some chips as can’t eat all that . If I want fish I’ll say even if he wants just chips we are different people with different appetites.

@SNUG2022

I wouldn't be drunk, no.

MN exists on the world wide web. People use language differently and everyone knows what is written by usage. Unless you're achingly parochial and xenophobic.

Utterly bizarre, both of him to leave the car not asking what you both want and if you too not to say “I’ll have x and chips.”

I suspect there’s selfishness at the heart of this but shitty communication too.

@feminarste

He wasn't sorry, doubled down with the "uhuhs" "here we go again" and "oh I'm so selfish am I"

Oh, one of those. Acts like a knob, then tries to make you the bad guy for not denying that he's a knob.

@feminarste

If your other half said, do you fancy some chip shop chips on the way home from work-both if you in the car. You pull up and he goes in, you stay in the car as you've not got a coat and it's a wait outside situation. He come out Having bought you and his son chip but himself a massive cod and chips. Would you be pissed? It just feels like a proper reflection of how he views "us" I said that's selfish and he said it was absent minded.

I might be pissed off, but as I am not American I would not be pissed at OH