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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Chippy tea

182 replies

feminarste · 12/02/2022 18:12

If your other half said, do you fancy some chip shop chips on the way home from work-both if you in the car.
You pull up and he goes in, you stay in the car as you've not got a coat and it's a wait outside situation.
He come out
Having bought you and his son chip but himself a massive cod and chips.
Would you be pissed?
It just feels like a proper reflection of how he views "us"
I said that's selfish and he said it was absent minded.

OP posts:
Hopefulsunrise · 12/02/2022 18:50

Cheap and selfish . Tomorrow say you are going into the kitchen does he want a cup of tea? Come back out with a full English for yourself and hand him his cup of tea. his fault for not ordering anything else right ?

gettingolderandgrumpy · 12/02/2022 18:52

@feminarste

Yes that's exactly how I feel. The rules changed but only for him As per really I did say could you imagine your dad offering g you mum a coffee and coming back with a sandwich just for him and not her and dh stomped off I want a divorce but when I mention it he just says well fuck off then. He's not the nicest But sometimes I wonder if-with this small stuff I'm just being a dick
It’s not about the fish then is it . If my dh told me to fuck off then I think I’d be rethinking the relationship.
MrsTerryPratchett · 12/02/2022 18:53

I might be pissed off, but as I am not American I would not be pissed at OH

What does OH mean? It's not in a dictionary or typical speech in my neck of the woods. It's not proper English. I simply can't understand. Hmm

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/02/2022 18:54

I want a divorce but when I mention it he just says well fuck off then.

Say it to the lovely people at the local Courts then. They won't tell you to fuck off. They'll give you forms and direct you how to get advice. They were delightful to me when I offloaded exH.

emuloc · 12/02/2022 18:55

No, I would not. I would have just asked for what I wanted before he went in. What does he want to eat have to do with you? Just say what you want.

Original poster
feminarste · 12/02/2022 18:55

@Anklebiter999
Great insight 👍

OP posts:
StEval · 12/02/2022 18:56

@feminarste

Yes that's exactly how I feel. The rules changed but only for him As per really I did say could you imagine your dad offering g you mum a coffee and coming back with a sandwich just for him and not her and dh stomped off I want a divorce but when I mention it he just says well fuck off then. He's not the nicest But sometimes I wonder if-with this small stuff I'm just being a dick
He sounds awful. It really isnt you Op. Hes a selfish dick and then blames you if you pull him up on it.
chiickenandchiips · 12/02/2022 18:56

If we decide on a chippy tea whoever is going asks what the other wants before going. Or the one not going would say what they wanted. Either way, it would be clarified before going Confused

Neither of us would assume.

He should have asked, or you should have said what you wanted. Neither of you communicated. He just got the staple chip chip food for you probably because you didn't speak about wanting something specific.

FirstTimeSecondTime · 12/02/2022 18:56

@feminarste if you would need normally get chips from the chippy and then cook the extras at home (sausages or whatever) but he got himself fish and didn’t think to offer you that option, then I don’t think you are being unreasonable and he is a tit!

OohRahhMaki · 12/02/2022 18:57

Yeah, I'd be annoyed at this.

Giving him the benefit of the doubt, he could have been struck by a sudden need for deep fried fish whilst in there. Having said that, he should have stuck his head out of the door and asked what you two wanted.

What would be worse is if he already planned to only get you some chips... in which case he'd be an unfeeling cheap skate.

Fairislefandango · 12/02/2022 18:57

If this were a one-offf then it's not a huge deal, though I'd definitely have said something to him.

But it's not a one-off at all, is it OP? There are so many threads like this where a woman posts to ask if she's being unreasonable about one very minor incident and seems quite fixated on it, but it turns out it's the tip of a huge iceberg.

It doesn't sound as though he loves you or has any respect for you at all tbh.

StEval · 12/02/2022 19:01

If we decide on a chippy tea whoever is going asks what the other wants before going. Or the one not going would say what they wanted. Either way, it would be clarified before going
You are totally missing the point here.

They decided to get chips
Then he got in there and decided to get fish as well but didnt then ask Op, either by popping out or texting , if she and DC would like fish, sausage etc also
Its selfish behaviour

Ihatesalad · 12/02/2022 19:01

My first husband used to quite often go to the chippy, the Chinese and the off licence without ever asking me if I wanted anything or bringing me anything— it was indicative of the fact I was kind of an afterthought and hence he’s my ex husband - (divorced 30 years ago ) I suspect this is indicative too OP and not just about chips

Fetchthevet · 12/02/2022 19:01

He sounds like an idiot. I think the chips are the least of your problems, unfortunately.

HTH1 · 12/02/2022 19:01

I’d have said thanks and taken the cod, then sent him back in to get something for DS (and himself if he also wants cod).

XiCi · 12/02/2022 19:02

For everyone saying she should have told him what she wanted the OP has clearly said a few times now they had decided to stop for just chips.
To go in and get yourself a nice big fish as well and sit and eat it in front of your wife and child is awful. I dont know one, single person that would do this. He sounds a nasty, selfish prick.

Hairyfriend · 12/02/2022 19:02

I've never hear the term chippy tea and would have no idea what was in it? Confused Is it a regional term (I'm not British BTW)?

You said just having chips alone is a thing you often do, so yes, I would be annoyed that he then came out with fish. When he realised the oversight I would have expect him to say he'd share it or go back into the shop to get fish for everyone!

I agree with the previous poster about asking about a cup of tea and coming out with your own, cooked breakfast, sandwich, meal etc. Is be being tight with money or just always this 'absent minded' and selfish?

Casheeeew · 12/02/2022 19:03

@feminarste

We were just popping in to get chips-the questions was do you want chips. Not what do you want from the chippy for dinner-this wasn't his idea either-our son had asked for chip shop chips. He just went the extra for himself and didn't think to ask if we might fancy that to
Yeah does seem a bit off, like is it because he's a man he gets more food or something Hmm
User237845 · 12/02/2022 19:05

He's a thoughtless arse. Bin him.

sillysmiles · 12/02/2022 19:07

@feminarste

If your other half said, do you fancy some chip shop chips on the way home from work-both if you in the car. You pull up and he goes in, you stay in the car as you've not got a coat and it's a wait outside situation. He come out Having bought you and his son chip but himself a massive cod and chips. Would you be pissed? It just feels like a proper reflection of how he views "us" I said that's selfish and he said it was absent minded.
To me I can't imagine not talking about what your are both getting before going in.

It seems you thought you were all just getting chips? And then uograded his own order without mentioning. I'd be annoyed too.

chesirecat99 · 12/02/2022 19:07

I don't know why you are getting such a hard time over not asking for fish if you wanted fish, OP.

A bag of chips is a cheapish treat, fish and chips for 3 is an expensive takeaway meal. A large cod and chips is £18 here (so £54 for all 3 of you) but you can get 3 bags chips for £10. If the plan was to pick up some chips as treat, I wouldn't just pipe up suggesting I wanted an entire meal instead of a small treat. It's not like going to pick up a curry and then deciding to add a naan bread for yourself without thinking to see if anyone else wants one, it's like going to buy some naan bread and coming back with a curry for just you.

He could have called you to ask if you wanted fish if he'd decided to upgrade the treat to a meal.

I agree with you OP. It feels like he didn't want the expense of a full takeaway meal for the whole family, so the "second class" members of the family only got chips.

Anklebiter999 · 12/02/2022 19:07

@MrsTerryPratchett

I might be pissed off, but as I am not American I would not be pissed at OH

What does OH mean? It's not in a dictionary or typical speech in my neck of the woods. It's not proper English. I simply can't understand. Hmm

MN speak for other half. But you knew that and were just being goady
emuloc · 12/02/2022 19:08

@Ihatesalad

My first husband used to quite often go to the chippy, the Chinese and the off licence without ever asking me if I wanted anything or bringing me anything— it was indicative of the fact I was kind of an afterthought and hence he’s my ex husband - (divorced 30 years ago ) I suspect this is indicative too OP and not just about chips
That is not good, no doubt. That is not what happened to the OP tough, he did ask her if she wanted chips. OP said yes, and that is what she got.
butterpuffed · 12/02/2022 19:10

So this isn't really about fish and chips at all. This was the last straw as far as you're concerned so why didn't you just say so ??

I went to the chippie with my friend a while ago, and told him what I wanted before he went in, so I can't really see what your DH did wrong, seems the normal thing to do.

NewPictureFrames · 12/02/2022 19:10

DH would never do this, he'd always ask what I wanted. Your other half is either thoughtless or selfish or both.