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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tinder Swindler - victims should accept some accountability

343 replies

sometimespeopletakethepiss · 11/02/2022 21:03

I can completely understand how these ladies could have fell for this guy BUT what I don't understand is the lack of accountability for their poor judgement.

In my life I would never, ever lend money to anyone unless it is money I could afford to lose - and if I did I feel like I'd have to own it as my own poor judgement.

AIBU to think the ladies should repay the money themselves or declare bankruptcy, not setup a 'go fund me' page and take it as a lesson learned?

OP posts:
starshipsahead · 11/02/2022 21:10

Agreed. He was very skilled at what he did, but it astounded me that the women were all so monumentally stupid.

Youaremypenguin · 11/02/2022 21:11

Harsh

anon12345678901 · 11/02/2022 21:12

I do agree. Some of it was just crazy to me, especially getting on a plane with someone you've never met, or taking out a bank loan for someone you hardly know. Hell I won't take out a loan for anyone but my child if he ever needs it, and that would be dependant on what it's for! I felt that the women got carried away by his lifestyle and wanting it, in effect his money (as he portrayed), and he wanted theirs.

Josette77 · 11/02/2022 21:13

Agreed.

Twinkle19 · 11/02/2022 21:13

I found it hard to believe I mean who would go on a flight with someone a couple of hours after first meeting them. Its crazy. Then less than a month later getting all kinds of loans out. Crazy.

Chippednails · 11/02/2022 21:13

I’m sure one of them had only been with him a month when she started dishing out her loans. Crazy!!

Scianel · 11/02/2022 21:13

I guess if people want to help them out through the Go Fund Me it's on them. I was sorry for them, they all seemed like nice women, and that level of debt is life ruining, if they can get some help then good on them.

Greenlight4 · 11/02/2022 21:13

I'd recommend the sweet Bobby podcast as an example of the drip dip of trust

Original poster
sometimespeopletakethepiss · 11/02/2022 21:16

@Scianel

I guess if people want to help them out through the Go Fund Me it's on them. I was sorry for them, they all seemed like nice women, and that level of debt is life ruining, if they can get some help then good on them.
I honestly had empathy for them and felt very sorry for them too. Genuinely.

But feeling sorry for someone doesn't mean they shouldn't take accountability.

I feel we live in a world now where situations are always someone else to blame and whilst this guy was an evil man, ultimately you have to protect yourself and make wise decisions to avoid these scenarios and I just don't feel like any accountability whatsoever was accepted by the victims.

OP posts:
FancySusan · 11/02/2022 21:17

The Sweet Bobby catfish was over years and years and years. And years.

And there was no financial motive at all. She never asked her for any money at all.

jimmyjammy001 · 11/02/2022 21:18

They were basically gold digging, they saw him as a life they wanted to live, he had it all in their eyes and that's what they wanted, they were duped as he gained their trust and that's wrong

bippityboppity87 · 11/02/2022 21:19

Agree also. With the editing aside, I cannot fathom taking out thousands and thousands of pounds in the hope they will pay me back?? No bloody way. As for the designer watch, surely if it was worth as much as he claimed, he could have pawned it himself then sent the money. I'm sorry, but the main two (apologies can't remember their names) sounded like gold diggers

The GF, who iirc was with around 18 months before she was swindled seemed to have her head screwed on once she found out. Loved it when she sold his clothes

Chippednails · 11/02/2022 21:34

But even the sweet Bobby one. Really? She was having a relationship and phone sex with someone and have NEVER even FaceTimed much less met him. I totally get that you can be duped and these people are extremely clever but I cannot fathom how you can’t take a step back and think, hang on a minute this isn’t quite right.

Original poster
sometimespeopletakethepiss · 11/02/2022 21:36

What's sweet Bobby and what channel?

OP posts:
Chippednails · 11/02/2022 21:41

It’s a podcast series about a girl that was duped into a fake relationship with a guy for TEN YEARS. Honestly it’s bizarre. She even bumped into the person the catfish we was pretending to be in real life once and brushed off the fact that he didn’t recognise her!!

Original poster
sometimespeopletakethepiss · 11/02/2022 21:52

@Chippednails I'll have to check it out!

OP posts:
TheBlackJew · 11/02/2022 21:53

I agree, to an extent. But I also don't want to skim over the fact that some women have really low self-esteem which can make them too trusting, thus, making them vulnerable.

The guy was a shit, there's no denying.

But when the son of a billionaire is asking to borrow money, there's a smelly rat nearby.

The irony of them jetting off on fancy trips/holidays which they were, unwittingly paying thousands for, would have been funny, if not so tragic.

Apparently, he wants to give his side of the story. I'm happy to listen, so long as it's not pay per view!

midsomermurderess · 11/02/2022 21:55

She was catfished by a young woman who was her cousin. The whole thing was very unsettling and it will take a while for her victim to heal.

Mummadeze · 11/02/2022 21:58

I agree it is hard to understand why they didn’t stop lending him money after he had supposedly transferred the money back but it didn’t go through. They did seem extremely naive. Hearing him being so threatening on the phone was really chilling as well. Can’t believe he is still out there, no doubt scanning someone else!

drpet49 · 11/02/2022 21:59

I agree OP.

The sweet Bobby was just laughable. The victim in that case definitely wasn’t right in the head to have fallen for it.

NannyKrampus · 11/02/2022 21:59

Totally agree OP! My immediate reaction was that they were greedy and blinded by the apparent wealth of the dude. These days, fewer women would probably fall for the straight forward romance scammers but they sniffed what they believed to be a billionaire lifestyle and acted incredibly stupid.

Hasselhoffsheadband · 11/02/2022 22:00

One of the women sent her passport details to a man she had matched with on Tinder and had never met.

Why? Why would you do that?

Plus he was grim and just his voice made my skin crawl.

IcedPurple · 11/02/2022 22:01

I felt sorry for them when watching the programme, but less so when I've thought about it properly.

Yes, they were victims of a crime, but their own greed made them easy prey. And the super rich have a whole support system surrounding them. Did neither of them see fit to question why this 'billionaire' would need to borrow money from a woman he'd only known a few months? In Pernille's case, she wasn't even a girlfriend, just a platonic 'friend'.

Of course their stupidity doesn't excuse 'Simon's' behaviour. But with all the worthy causes in the world, I don't see why I should give a penny to two people who made foolish decisions.

LemonMuffins · 11/02/2022 22:06

He's a complete scumbag, but ultimately they were motivate by greed. The women believed or chose to believe this guy was super wealthy without doing any due diligence. Helping him financially was means to ensuring he was would return the favour ten fold.

Like fuck would I be hopping on some random man's private jet the first night I met him! And sending money when he comes from a family of diamond wealth?! They were supposed to believe he had no family or longstanding wealthy friends he could ask for a loan?

If he'd been broke from day one you can bet your arse they wouldn't have been playing good samaritan.

Weekendssuck · 11/02/2022 22:10

I keep thinking that surely part of it must have been then wanting to … keep up with him in some way? That’s not the right phrase but he was ‘loaded’ and I think that part of them wouldn’t have wanted to say I don’t have access to that kind of money for fear of putting him off.