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Original poster

Tinder Swindler - victims should accept some accountability

343 replies

sometimespeopletakethepiss · 11/02/2022 21:03

I can completely understand how these ladies could have fell for this guy BUT what I don't understand is the lack of accountability for their poor judgement.

In my life I would never, ever lend money to anyone unless it is money I could afford to lose - and if I did I feel like I'd have to own it as my own poor judgement.

AIBU to think the ladies should repay the money themselves or declare bankruptcy, not setup a 'go fund me' page and take it as a lesson learned?

OP posts:
tiktokontheclock · 11/02/2022 23:09

@Greenlight4

I'd recommend the sweet Bobby podcast as an example of the drip dip of trust
This was over some years though, with the Swindler as PP said there was one woman who was doling out thousands after a month.
Waxonwaxoff0 · 11/02/2022 23:09

YANBU. I wouldn't even have taken out a loan for my ex husband when we were married. I would never, ever put myself in a vulnerable position financially. People need to use common sense sometimes.

shaneTwane · 11/02/2022 23:10

As a low paid working class woman I would never strive to a nicer lifestyle that meant living off a man's money.

I mean that's nice for you, that doesn't mean everyone else feels the same. I bet there's a few even on this thread who are stay at home mother's living off their husbands wage. Same exact thing. Only difference is the man's wage and status.

Gilly12345 · 11/02/2022 23:11

I have watched the programme and I think these women really wanted a rich guy and were manipulated.

However I think they are cheeky setting up the go fund appeal.

FTEngineerM · 11/02/2022 23:11

Hear hear @Waxonwaxoff0

Precisely why I will pay my own bill until we’re in a solid relationship.

Movingonup22 · 11/02/2022 23:12

Obviously he was atrocious. But they were driven o initially by greed and he manipulated them by tapping into their greed at first. If he was earning £20k per year and asked for money because his landlord was selling and he needed £500 for the deposit to his next flat and I can guarantee you they wouldn’t have given him a cent. So I think they have a level of contributory culpability

Weekendssuck · 11/02/2022 23:13

Exactly, if they hadn’t been blinded by his ‘wealth’ they wouldn’t have been in the situation in the first place.

Gardeningcreature · 11/02/2022 23:13

I agree that "Simon" was a nasty man, preying on his victims. The entire scenario was bizzare but the whole point is he sought out vulnerable women.
I'm not impressed by cars, at all. So someone looking like he did ( not my type at all) posing next to a A Lamborghini, then posing next to a Fararri, than posing next to a Rolls Royce would just scream Wanker to me. Fair enough if you happen to own such cars, but to post them on your Tinder profile, no.
I'd feel exactly the same if my ds showed me pictures of a woman on Tinder posing in underwear, stretched out on a bed, tacky.
Howevwr, he is a vile man and if any believe he is still getting away with it.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 11/02/2022 23:15

@shaneTwane

As a low paid working class woman I would never strive to a nicer lifestyle that meant living off a man's money.

I mean that's nice for you, that doesn't mean everyone else feels the same. I bet there's a few even on this thread who are stay at home mother's living off their husbands wage. Same exact thing. Only difference is the man's wage and status.

Then they need to take responsibility for their actions and realise they're putting themselves in a vulnerable position. It's not difficult.

It's actually quite patronising to me to hear all this talk about poor low paid women being "victims".

wizzywig · 11/02/2022 23:15

You see plenty of people who get lovebombed. Same thing really

ivykaty44 · 11/02/2022 23:16

sometimespeopletakethepiss

Do you blame just victims of con people or other victims?

Waxonwaxoff0 · 11/02/2022 23:16

@FTEngineerM

Hear hear *@Waxonwaxoff0*

Precisely why I will pay my own bill until we’re in a solid relationship.

Absolutely!
Movingonup22 · 11/02/2022 23:17

@Gardeningcreature see I don’t think they were any more vulnerable than anyone else would be. He choose them because they were materialistic and wooed them on that basis.

ivykaty44 · 11/02/2022 23:19

Just to add the fact that so many victims of this type of crime don’t even report it due the the fear of facing the attitude of OP, is incredibly sad. This non action leads to more victims of cons

Gardeningcreature · 11/02/2022 23:19

ShaneTwane mothers looking after their children are not "living of a man's wage." Who else is going to look after that man's kids ? If his wife doesn't then I presume he would have to look after his own children and stop working. Children being looked after by a parent is actually a good thing for children.

twilightermummy · 11/02/2022 23:21

Twinkle19

*found it hard to believe I mean who would go on a flight with someone a couple of hours after first meeting them. Its crazy. Then less than a month later getting all kinds of loans out. Crazy.

Exactly what I thought. Did feel sorry for them though, particularly the woman who had shelled out 250k. The mind boggles!

LifesABotch · 11/02/2022 23:27

@LemonMuffins

He's a complete scumbag, but ultimately they were motivate by greed. The women believed or chose to believe this guy was super wealthy without doing any due diligence. Helping him financially was means to ensuring he was would return the favour ten fold.

Like fuck would I be hopping on some random man's private jet the first night I met him! And sending money when he comes from a family of diamond wealth?! They were supposed to believe he had no family or longstanding wealthy friends he could ask for a loan?

If he'd been broke from day one you can bet your arse they wouldn't have been playing good samaritan.

Agree completely! Although I do get that, once they were in it, and felt at risk, it was much harder to stop giving him money Sad. But the sums of money! WTAF?! Confused
LifesABotch · 11/02/2022 23:29

@Theluggage15

I thought I was going to feel sorry for them but just felt exasperated at their stupidity. Definitely gold digging going on. The first woman jumps on a plane with him the first date, takes a selfie of herself kissing him and doesn’t stop messaging him. He wasn’t particularly attractive and his personality or what we saw of it wasn’t much cop so what exactly were they attracted to? Just the size, or so they thought, of his wallet.
Yep! The kissing him on the cheek bit made me cringe, so embarrassing and desperate Confused. He knew he had her where he wanted her at that moment, I think.
Squeezita · 11/02/2022 23:30

Anyone else who wondered what Tilda Swinton had said?

Waxonwaxoff0 · 11/02/2022 23:41

@Gardeningcreature

ShaneTwane mothers looking after their children are not "living of a man's wage." Who else is going to look after that man's kids ? If his wife doesn't then I presume he would have to look after his own children and stop working. Children being looked after by a parent is actually a good thing for children.
They are though. I was a SAHM and as I wasn't earning, I was absolutely living off my husband's wage. Don't see why that's so difficult to accept.
WeasilyPleased · 11/02/2022 23:41

I totally agree with you OP. Why should other people stump up for their naivety?

ladybugsandhugs · 11/02/2022 23:43

agree. i wouldn’t even take a loan out like that for my actual fiance, they were crazy

Psuedoshoes · 11/02/2022 23:49

Accountability? No, of course not Hmm accountability is generally where you are ultimately responsible. You're either a massive victim-blamer or you are misunderstanding words..

Journeynotdestination · 11/02/2022 23:56

Obviously the guy is a crook who should be held accountable, but setting up a go fund me thing is a bit shady. The women still look groomed and glossy on the show, if they were destitute I’d get it a bit more but they look pretty well off. It’s not doing that well, given they want £600k

gofund.me/5ab92229

Charlize43 · 12/02/2022 00:07

Their heads were turned because they believed that he was of the Leviev billionaire family and also they seemed to be women preoccupied with a certain type of lifestyle.

The thing that struck me is why they'd lend him money instead of asking him to ask his supposedly fabulously rich family?