Page 2 | Tinder Swindler - victims should accept some accountability

sometimespeopletakethepiss · 2022-02-11T21:03:13+00:00

I can completely understand how these ladies could have fell for this guy BUT what I don't understand is the lack of accountability for their poor judgement. In my life I would never, ever lend money to anyone unless it is money I could afford to lose - and if I did I feel like I'd have to own it as my own poor judgement. AIBU to think the ladies should repay the money themselves or declare bankruptcy, not setup a 'go fund me' page and take it as a lesson learned?

LawnFever · 11/02/2022 22:13

Completely agree, I turned it off half way through I found it so annoying.

His scam only worked on someone greedy for the lifestyle he claimed to offer, and their belief they would get a part of it for nothing.

Ridiculous to jump on a flight with someone you’ve just met for coffee, or be so naive to think someone who claimed to have his family wealth would have no one else to turn to except them.

I couldn’t understand why they didn’t declare themselves bankrupt either once they realised.

I know nobody deserves to be swindled but it was totally born out of greed, so I lost sympathy pretty quickly.

cuno · 11/02/2022 22:13

I watched this last night. When it turned out the first woman had taken out 250k in debt for this man, I said to my partner well I'd just have to declare bankruptcy, and as shit as it is I'll be able to move on eventually rather than it hanging over me like a dark cloud forever and breaking my back to repay it. So did she/the other victims not declare bankruptcy?

I do think on the surface it comes across as monumentally stupid to lend money to a billionaire, and watching it I did think I couldn't do that. But this is no average love rat or Nigerian prince scam, it was very complex and it worked and he was always living the high life of some woman or other. And not much comeuppance for him sadly in the end.

I do think the women most likely do accept some accountability, but they've paid their price by way of the debt and I'm sure they carry so much shame and embarrassment over this. I think it's okay of them to set up a gofundme, people had been contacting them to donate some money so why not? I'm sure anything to better their situation is fine and no-one is obliged to help out.

Loved the Dutch woman and her attitude around the whole thing, really made me smile. I know her flogging his clothes doesn't make much of a dent into what he took from her, but I think it was more the action she took than the money that helps her find some strength from it all.

SuddenArborealStop · 11/02/2022 22:18

@Greenlight4

I'd recommend the sweet Bobby podcast as an example of the drip dip of trust

10 years that went on, she needs to take some responsibility for how much she let it take over her life!!

Theluggage15 · 11/02/2022 22:21

I thought I was going to feel sorry for them but just felt exasperated at their stupidity. Definitely gold digging going on. The first woman jumps on a plane with him the first date, takes a selfie of herself kissing him and doesn’t stop messaging him. He wasn’t particularly attractive and his personality or what we saw of it wasn’t much cop so what exactly were they attracted to? Just the size, or so they thought, of his wallet.

EatSleepRantRepeat · 11/02/2022 22:22

I can't believe there are so many people willing to excuse criminal behaviour. What benefit is there to society to blame the victims like this - this isn't a one off, it's a pattern of targeted behaviour and sophisticated fraud.

I'm sure if 1000s of pounds were stolen from your bank account through a cyber security breach that you would expect it back, not for the bank to start picking over every link you've clicked on in the last 12 months. Scam relationships can be just as sophisticated and actually harder to spot because they're coercive.

IcedPurple · 11/02/2022 22:25

@EatSleepRantRepeat

I can't believe there are so many people willing to excuse criminal behaviour. What benefit is there to society to blame the victims like this - this isn't a one off, it's a pattern of targeted behaviour and sophisticated fraud.

I'm sure if 1000s of pounds were stolen from your bank account through a cyber security breach that you would expect it back, not for the bank to start picking over every link you've clicked on in the last 12 months. Scam relationships can be just as sophisticated and actually harder to spot because they're coercive.

Not one person is excusing his behaviour.

And these women took out the loans willingly, in their own names. Why should the bank lose out to the tune of hundreds of thousands of pounds, just because these women allowed themselves to be taken in by a con artist?

VladmirsPoutine · 11/02/2022 22:30

I don't necessarily blame them because psychological abuse is very very insidious and entirely all-consuming. Having said that I am still astonished. £25OK.

cuno · 11/02/2022 22:32

@IcedPurple
In all fairness, as much as I do feel sorry for them and can understand how they fell prey for it, I don't think the banks should give them the money back and I didn't realise people were arguing for that to happen.

cuno · 11/02/2022 22:39

Also, I found some similarities with the Anna Delvey case, not in a love scam kind of way but more fake it til you make it and scamming people by living the millionaire/billionaire lifestyle. Funnily enough, when I googled just now to check I had her name right, it says Netflix have released a show about that today!

RedRoseRay · 11/02/2022 22:40

Yanbu. I deal with fraud complaints for a bank and romance scams happen much more often than you think. Most victims are too ashamed to tell family or friends but they’ll complain to their bank. The banks are paying out huge (and I mean huge) sums of money to people who refuse to take responsibility for their actions when they’ve not taken appropriate/reasonable steps to protect themselves. I’ve listened to so many call recordings of these victims blatantly lying to bank staff who carrying out fraud checks, and the customer later complains the bank shouldn’t have allowed the payment to go through. There’s occasions where the bank hasn’t made any errors but the customer is deemed to be highly vulnerable and some if not all of the debt is written off. These customers aren’t getting refunds because the fraudsters have already withdrawn the funds. The banks are essentially having to subsidise fraudsters lifestyles. I’ve seen people transferring thousands of pounds to someone they’ve only known a few days via an online dating app. I did have some sympathy for the women on Tinder Swindler because they wouldn’t be in all that debt if they didn’t meet that psychopath. He’s the real scumbag. But I think they’ve a cheek to start a go fund me page. You should have to live with the consequences of your actions so you don’t repeat the same mistakes.

EatSleepRantRepeat · 11/02/2022 22:41

just because these women allowed themselves to be taken in by a con artist

Very victim-blaming description. I think these things when there is a very clear pattern of fraud across multiple victims should be treated as fraud/theft, same as if they'd conned the banks themselves, and insurers get involved.

HollowTalk · 11/02/2022 22:44

I was thinking about the flight though. There are many of us on here who have gone home with a guy after a night out. ahem

Those of us who did it quite a few years ago didn't really take into account that there wasn't anyone in the world who knew where they were at that point.

With that first woman it seemed incredibly risky because she was leaving the country, but she did have a mobile phone. Many of us have ended up in some guy's basement without any way of getting in touch with anyone.

I think the fact she did it in daylight and sober made her seem completely irresponsible, but actually it's far worse to do it when you're drunk.

IcedPurple · 11/02/2022 22:45

@EatSleepRantRepeat

just because these women allowed themselves to be taken in by a con artist

Very victim-blaming description. I think these things when there is a very clear pattern of fraud across multiple victims should be treated as fraud/theft, same as if they'd conned the banks themselves, and insurers get involved.

I dislike how the term 'victim blaming' is used to shut down any and all discussions of people's behaviour.

Yes, they were victims of this conman, but that's not the banks' problem. They took out those loans willingly and repeatedly. Didn't one of them also pretend to be an employee of Simon's supposed 'family business' in order to secure the loan? Isn't she guilty of fraud herself in that case?

Or is that 'victim blaming?

AllOfUsAreDead · 11/02/2022 22:47

They gave their money to an apparent 'billionaire' hoping he would eventually marry them and they would have even more money.

More money than sense. Not sure I'd call them intelligent. Greedy, yes..

There's so much information out there now about scams, and many banks actually remind you to check if its a scam before giving money via apps or online. PayPal does the same I believe, could be wrong. Not sure what else can really be done to open people's eyes.

Branleuse · 11/02/2022 22:48

I opened this thinking it was about tilda swinton

DrSbaitso · 11/02/2022 22:50

@FancySusan

The Sweet Bobby catfish was over years and years and years. And years.

And there was no financial motive at all. She never asked her for any money at all.

Not only that, Bobby was a real person and she met him. Obviously he had no idea what was going on so he came across strangely to her, but how many times does an Internet person seem different in the flesh?

Bringsexyback · 11/02/2022 22:51

This so much of this goes on on even a low level it would surprise I think most women especially married women that haven’t dated for a long time. I’ve been been seeing men for a few weeks when suddenly they’ve needed me to pay for an Uber for 20 quid just little things, then asked for £20 loans

LawnFever · 11/02/2022 22:59

@EatSleepRantRepeat

I can't believe there are so many people willing to excuse criminal behaviour. What benefit is there to society to blame the victims like this - this isn't a one off, it's a pattern of targeted behaviour and sophisticated fraud.

I'm sure if 1000s of pounds were stolen from your bank account through a cyber security breach that you would expect it back, not for the bank to start picking over every link you've clicked on in the last 12 months. Scam relationships can be just as sophisticated and actually harder to spot because they're coercive.

The money wasn’t stolen from them though, they were blinded by greed and naive.

It wasn’t a cyber breach, they handed over the cash multiple times. If I handed cash to a stranger in the street I wouldn’t get it back.

To have taken one loan I’d have had some sympathy for but multiple loans was ridiculous.

And I just don’t think it’s actually that sophisticated, it only works on someone only interested in money.

ThirdElephant · 11/02/2022 23:02

Victim blaming. Not a good look on anyone.

shaneTwane · 11/02/2022 23:03

This is a weird thread. I used to think like this but now I realise why are we victim blaming? Why are we referring to these women as "greedy" and "gold diggers"? So less well off women should never strive to have a nicer lifestyle if one is offered to them? Poor women could never have genuine relationships with richer men? It all screams a bit stick to your social class or we will drag you through the mud if you ask me.

Original poster

sometimespeopletakethepiss · 11/02/2022 23:04

[quote cuno]@IcedPurple
In all fairness, as much as I do feel sorry for them and can understand how they fell prey for it, I don't think the banks should give them the money back and I didn't realise people were arguing for that to happen.[/quote]
Same. That's absolutely ridiculous to expect the banks to cover it. Why can't they go bankrupt instead? Why shouldn't they have some consequence for their stupidity.? That's what I mean when I said no one likes accountability in society anymore

OP posts:

shaneTwane · 11/02/2022 23:05

If coercive sex is now illegal why is coercive begging for money not illegal? He literally told them his enemies would kill him if they didn't get the loans.

DrSbaitso · 11/02/2022 23:06

If they were such greedy, mercenary gold diggers, why did they keep giving money away while getting fuck all back?

I think they had (poorly judged) love hearts in their eyes, not pound signs.

FTEngineerM · 11/02/2022 23:07

it is hard to understand why they didn’t stop lending him money

Is it?
They saw a billionaire and he played it well, very well in fact.
They saw an answer to their life struggles, their day to day. To them it was worth it. Just this one loan and they could jet off into the sunset with the man they had come to love, without realising that the last girlfriend was paying for the private flights, the last girlfriend was paying for the expensive meals and nights out.

He was a conman but there has to be some accountability for the people involved, they were enjoying a lifestyle they couldn’t afford with him, they thought it was free..

Waxonwaxoff0 · 11/02/2022 23:07

@shaneTwane

This is a weird thread. I used to think like this but now I realise why are we victim blaming? Why are we referring to these women as "greedy" and "gold diggers"? So less well off women should never strive to have a nicer lifestyle if one is offered to them? Poor women could never have genuine relationships with richer men? It all screams a bit stick to your social class or we will drag you through the mud if you ask me.

As a low paid working class woman I would never strive to a nicer lifestyle that meant living off a man's money.