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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH fought with me for asking a questiom

203 replies

user1471554720 · 11/02/2022 18:23

DH and I were talking about the shortage of council houses. I said that part of reason for the shortage is the government allowed tenants to purchase houses years ago and didn"t build replacement houses.

Then he asked if my grandparents house was originally a council house. I asked him why he is asking that? My grandparents house is terraced but round our way the council houses are a certain style and my grandparents house was not in that style.

Then he started shouting and said 'how dare he ask this". He was trying to bring out that I was offended at being asked about the council house. Did I get it wrong?

Should I just have answered the question?

I am normally very quiet and sometimes when I say something in a conversation, a person at work may try and give a smirk.

In recent years, I am 50, I have asked people when I am unsure about something. When I was younger, people would ask me questions or say cutting things, trying to give me a dig. This is despite the fact that I would be sure I had not offended them.

OP posts:
BuddhaForMary · 13/02/2022 12:29

Thanks for all your answers and insights. This has made me realise my dh and the few bullies from work are the common denominator.

Erm.. Confused

grapewine · 13/02/2022 14:22

Thanks for all your answers and insights. This has made me realise my dh and the few bullies from work are the common denominator.

Umm, okay....

Hunderland · 13/02/2022 14:38

Thanks for all your answers and insights. This has made me realise my dh and the few bullies from work are the common denominator

GrinGrin yep, that's exactly what it is...

Op, you are delusional!

NowEvenBetter · 13/02/2022 18:21

OP…do you understand what ‘common denominator’ means? 😆

Howshouldibehave · 13/02/2022 19:53

This has made me realise my dh and the few bullies from work are the common denominator

OMG-I can’t believe this!!

grapewine · 13/02/2022 19:57

I'm actually wondering if this is a wind up now.

MermaidEyes · 13/02/2022 20:23

@grapewine

I'm actually wondering if this is a wind up now.

OP has other threads regarding other people's supposed snippy behaviour and insults 🙄

BuddhaForMary · 13/02/2022 20:27

OP has other threads regarding other people's supposed snippy behaviour and insults

And she hasn't cottoned on yet? WowConfused

Original poster
user1471554720 · 13/02/2022 20:42

I am respectful of other people unlike some I could mention... Smile

OP posts:
ShittyFingers · 13/02/2022 21:01

OP has to be on the wind up, nobody is this delusional

Josette77 · 14/02/2022 02:30

But you are the common denominator, not them.

AlDanvers · 14/02/2022 03:43

@user1471554720

I am respectful of other people unlike some I could mention... Smile
That's the issue there. Starting a converstation and then nor engaging and just speaking at people, isn't respectful.

I suspect this is why your husband saw your arse. You talking at him, he says something back you get snippy and pull one of you favoured put downs, designed to shut him up. He doesn't. He sulks, you sulk. Sounds fun Hmm

steff13 · 14/02/2022 04:59

Thanks for all your answers and insights. This has made me realise my dh and the few bullies from work are the common denominator.

I don't think you know what a common denominator is. Spoiler alert: in all these situations, it's you.

ShittyFingers · 14/02/2022 07:40

Imagine if a bloke came on here saying he needed to keep his wife “in line”

Original poster
user1471554720 · 14/02/2022 08:50

Imagine if she was picking fights and insulting,

OP posts:
ShittyFingers · 14/02/2022 08:53

@user1471554720

Imagine if she was picking fights and insulting,
Nothing about your OP suggested he was picking fights, that was you.
BuddhaForMary · 14/02/2022 09:00

@user1471554720

Imagine if she was picking fights and insulting,
But he didn't do that .
Original poster
user1471554720 · 14/02/2022 09:30

He criticises my housekeeping regularly even though we both work, my looks and weight, I am 10.5 stone and eat 2 meals a day.

My grandparents did not live in a council house. When dh asked me if they bought a council house,I thought he knew that they bought the house from the developer in the 1960s. His cousin lived 5 houses away. My mother told him more than once, how she was a teenager when they moved, she socialised with his cousin's family as a young girl. We knew them ever before we knew him. I think that he KNEW the estate was not council but wanted to 'forget' just to make me think I am not 'good enough'.

DH suggested I should be more chatty with people. I am naturally very quiet. I think people can see through this 'forced friendliness'and am smirking because of how I sound and that I am uncomfortable being social. I have gradually returned to a quieter persona.

OP posts:
ShittyFingers · 14/02/2022 09:39

Well that makes more sense than your OP at least. Why didn’t you say all that originally?

grapewine · 14/02/2022 09:45

Again, why are you there? You both clearly don't like each other.

BuddhaForMary · 14/02/2022 11:33

OP you'd have had very different responses if you'd put that in your first post.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/02/2022 00:02

@user1471554720

He criticises my housekeeping regularly even though we both work, my looks and weight, I am 10.5 stone and eat 2 meals a day.

My grandparents did not live in a council house. When dh asked me if they bought a council house,I thought he knew that they bought the house from the developer in the 1960s. His cousin lived 5 houses away. My mother told him more than once, how she was a teenager when they moved, she socialised with his cousin's family as a young girl. We knew them ever before we knew him. I think that he KNEW the estate was not council but wanted to 'forget' just to make me think I am not 'good enough'.

DH suggested I should be more chatty with people. I am naturally very quiet. I think people can see through this 'forced friendliness'and am smirking because of how I sound and that I am uncomfortable being social. I have gradually returned to a quieter persona.

This would have changed people's responses as what you describe here is clearly an abusive relationship that you should be planning to leave for the sake of your mental health - nobody could be healthy and happy in this dynamic as he sounds like an abusive bully.
RobertaFirmino · 15/02/2022 01:13

May I ask OP, how long have you been married?

lifesabitchandthenyoudie · 15/02/2022 08:02

Can I just say that the op described the situation like this before in the thread too. I feel that many people aren’t reading her words carefully enough and misunderstanding her words. I’m not sure she is very good at English which makes it difficult to explain. Op maybe you need to get some help from a professional to try to understand what’s actually happening. It’s impossible to diagnose the whole situation correctly on her. I hope you find a way of being happy 💖

lifesabitchandthenyoudie · 15/02/2022 08:02

Correctly on here. Sorry 😅