DH fought with me for asking a questiom

[user1471554720]

DH and I were talking about the shortage of council houses. I said that part of reason for the shortage is the government allowed tenants to purchase houses years ago and didn"t build replacement houses.

Then he asked if my grandparents house was originally a council house. I asked him why he is asking that? My grandparents house is terraced but round our way the council houses are a certain style and my grandparents house was not in that style.

Then he started shouting and said 'how dare he ask this". He was trying to bring out that I was offended at being asked about the council house. Did I get it wrong?

Should I just have answered the question?

I am normally very quiet and sometimes when I say something in a conversation, a person at work may try and give a smirk.

In recent years, I am 50, I have asked people when I am unsure about something. When I was younger, people would ask me questions or say cutting things, trying to give me a dig. This is despite the fact that I would be sure I had not offended them.

OP's DH asks a question, she doesn't answer it in the way he thinks she should have, so he shouts and sulks. Unless there's a big back story his behaviour seems pretty unreasonable. Is this usual?

@Livelifeinthebuslane

OP's DH asks a question, she doesn't answer it in the way he thinks she should have, so he shouts and sulks. Unless there's a big back story his behaviour seems pretty unreasonable. Is this usual?

Oh don't be silly. OPs DH asked a perfectly straightforward question and she answered it with another question in a weird snippy way.

@cheekychaplin
Well sorry you are so completely lost, you seem a bit naive tbh to think it was a perfectly innocent question after which he got shouty and sulky.

Im quite surprised you’re in your 40s tbh.

Do you think you and your DH are compatible if you can’t even have a simple conversation?

[quote cuno]@cheekychaplin
Well sorry you are so completely lost, you seem a bit naive tbh to think it was a perfectly innocent question after which he got shouty and sulky. [/quote]

Yeah, I'm naive because I didn't twist his question.

Oh don't be silly. OPs DH asked a perfectly straightforward question and she answered it with another question in a weird snippy way.

In which case he could have pointed this out calmly, I can't see that there's ever a reason to shout and sulk.

Yet op is also sulking pulling the 'I won't ever have a discussion with you again'

I thinks there's clear problems on both sides.

He wasn't asking a straightforward question though, he was aiming for a 'gotcha', as if anything the GPS had done makes it OP's fault too.
The question was totally irrelevant to the point that it was the sale of those houses without replacement builds which caused the problem, not the tenants buying the houses.
Shouting and sulking is not okay.

@Aderyn21

He wasn't asking a straightforward question though, he was aiming for a 'gotcha', as if anything the GPS had done makes it OP's fault too. The question was totally irrelevant to the point that it was the sale of those houses without replacement builds which caused the problem, not the tenants buying the houses. Shouting and sulking is not okay.

No, you decided it was a gotcha moment.

Clearly, they don't live in an ex council house. So it's a poor gotcha moment. Op presumes he knew the answer was no. If he did know that, why would it be a gotcha moment. So either he didn't know and Op, is presuming there was more to it. Or he did know and there's no gotcha.

Op read other things into it, such as an insinuation that if it was a council house the grandparents must not have worked.

Op also, appears to have a communication problem in general, it's just as likey that it was just a question.

Why would he ask that question though - what is the relevance to the topic?

@Staffy1
"What difference does it make that they were allowed to purchase them"

It took a lot of stock out of the system for the next generation. Also mortgages were 100% and based on overtime, there were a lot of repossessions, when work went scarce. Then they'd be sold off cheap and LL would build property portfolios at rents which meant going back into work for the tenant was out of the question. There were a lot of schemes that would buy your, about-to-be repossessed house and rent it back. Couple that will all of the employment being directed south of the UK and we are in the mess we are in now. Bedroom tax put the lid on it.

@user1471554720, I think you overthink things, or struggle with communication/social interactions and don't understand that your communication style is unnecessarily snippy. Do you have ASD? I do and I've had to learn a different communication style, or like yourself, go quiet.

The topic is irrelevant, you should not accept anyone, especially your spouse, shouting at you, and sulking.

You were rude by not just answering yes or no but he was BU by overreacting

Shouting at you and sulky?

He sounds awful.

Is this a regular occurrence?

@Aderyn21

Why would he ask that question though - what is the relevance to the topic?

How do we kno Op refused to answer, presumed he was saying they never worked and never answered. So how would anyone know?

When I think someone is trying to insult me, I sometimes say 'why are you asking' or 'I don't understand'. It is a way of heading off the insult. I don't want to give them the satisfaction of insulting me, and me going all quiet. 'I don't understand' is a useful way of getting a person to eplain their comment or question. If they inadvertently insulted me, they usually explain and all is fine. If they want to insult me it takes the wind out of their sails.

I think you may have some social issues OP. It sounds like you often think people are getting at you.

@user1471554720

When I think someone is trying to insult me, I sometimes say 'why are you asking' or 'I don't understand'. It is a way of heading off the insult. I don't want to give them the satisfaction of insulting me, and me going all quiet. 'I don't understand' is a useful way of getting a person to eplain their comment or question. If they inadvertently insulted me, they usually explain and all is fine. If they want to insult me it takes the wind out of their sails.

So what insult did you think he was levelling at you?

@user1471554720

When I think someone is trying to insult me, I sometimes say 'why are you asking' or 'I don't understand'. It is a way of heading off the insult. I don't want to give them the satisfaction of insulting me, and me going all quiet. 'I don't understand' is a useful way of getting a person to eplain their comment or question. If they inadvertently insulted me, they usually explain and all is fine. If they want to insult me it takes the wind out of their sails.

You seem overly paranoid-it doesn’t sound like he was trying to insult you at all.

He asked you a question and you have replied in a snippy and defensive way. Do you do this a lot-it’s probably very frustrating!

@user1471554720

When I think someone is trying to insult me, I sometimes say 'why are you asking' or 'I don't understand'. It is a way of heading off the insult. I don't want to give them the satisfaction of insulting me, and me going all quiet. 'I don't understand' is a useful way of getting a person to eplain their comment or question. If they inadvertently insulted me, they usually explain and all is fine. If they want to insult me it takes the wind out of their sails.

Well you didn’t say why is he asking (which also would have been a snippy response to a perfectly reasonable question), you made an even snippier response in asking why he would even think that.

But I am baffled beyond belief as to how asking about your grandparents home could in any way be an insult to you.

You are allowed to be against something you have personally benefitted from.
My family stand to make 200 thousand from an ex council house, which is great for them and it isn't illegal but it feels bad putting a house into the private sector when there is a shortage in the social sector.

If only the council could buy back ex council houses at market rate? So like a 'we buy any car' situation. They get it a bit cheaper BUT they don't have to apply for a mortgage etc. So you can still make a profit and move if you have bought a council house in the past but you're increasing social housing.

@user1471554720

I don't think the tenants caused the problem. If they are settled in an area and are offered a scheme to buy the house, of course they should accept. The government should have thought this through and replaced the houses.

Its interesting that you seem to have done the same thing here - people have been asking you why you didn't answer the question yes or no, and you haven't answered it. It's like you've jumped 2 or 3 further exchanges in your mind and answered that. You say you feel the same thing happens at work, and people are out you catch you out, it seems a bit of a sensitive or paranoid state of mind to be in all the time? Not downplaying your partners part in it, and others have given good advice on that, but just for your own wellbeing. As you say you're shy, this can result in 'attacking before you're hurt'.

Woops you got in ahead of me! But proved my point a little 'if someone wants to insult me'.. I don't go round thinking anyone wants to insult me! Why is that you're constant vigilent state of mind?

@Livelifeinthebuslane

Oh don't be silly. OPs DH asked a perfectly straightforward question and she answered it with another question in a weird snippy way.

In which case he could have pointed this out calmly, I can't see that there's ever a reason to shout and sulk.

Maybe he's genuinely fed up with OPs paranoia that every question somehow has a double meaning or that people are out to trip her up? Pretty sure we've all lost our rag with someone at some point? I know I have.

I don't get how you thought he was trying to insult you when a) you don't have an issue with people buying council houses, and b) they hadn't bought one anyway and a simple 'no' would've shut him down instantly.