To flick my daughter the V behind her back?

[AvocadoHo]

For context, she's 8 (going on 15 with the attitude and arguing that black is white just for the sake of it) she made some such comment on the way home from school today so I flicked her the v out of pure frustration!

She didn't see. (And even if she did probably has no idea what it means)

BUT.... another mother in the school run saw and I got the filthiest look!

YANBU. I do it behind my 10 and 9 year olds backs whenever they deserve it - which is often 😂

*Thenose

Many posts are relying on the privacy of the act to justify its harmlessness. What's the harm if the child doesn't see? How naive. The op was seen doing it. It wasn't private; it was public.

The assertion that every parent finds it impossibly difficult to regulate their feelings without making hand gestures is laughable. The comments that argue that 'everyone does it and anyone who says they don't is a liar' look daft to those of us who don't do it.

I think there's a good chance that those who say they wouldn't mind their friends or family doing this to them in public when their back is turned are talking utter bullshit, or need to up their standards.

I don't do this, because I try to treat my kids the way I want to be treated and I wouldn't want it done to me. It's not because I'm perfect or 'prissy'. I could do better in many areas, but 'respect' represents a pretty low rung of the parenting ladder. If it represents an impossibly high standard for you, that's not my problem.*

Totally agree.

I do it too, she never sees me and it makes me feel better which in turn makes me deal with the situation at hand better! I don't believe everyone does it though, people parent differently.

Mulhollandmagoo

Your DD may never see you- does it matter if other people do?

@speakout

Mulhollandmagoo

Your DD may never see you- does it matter if other people do?

I don’t care if someone saw me doing it. They have no idea what my day/week/year has been like so any judgement on one second is futile.

I’d be shocked and horrified to see this tbh. I didn’t even realise ‘flipping the V’ was a thing for adults, I have not witnessed it happen for a few decades! Perhaps a cultural/regional thing.

I might swear under my breath though.

"don’t make abstract judgments on something I do therefore feel personally attacked when I’m clearly better than you"

Come again?

They have no idea what my day/week/year has been like so any judgement on one second is futile.

Is it? Like if you saw someone swearing at their child or spitting in the street you wouldn't judge?
If a teacher saw another child sticking the fingers up behind the back of another child or teacher they would just let it pass assuming that child was just having a bad day?

I think the OP was setting a bad example- on the walk home from school so other children watching her stick the fingers up behind someone's back. Children learn by example- and from the actions of other adults, not just their own parents.
It is a hostile and disrespectful thing to do to anyone, and adults have a responsibility to teach our children how to respect each other.

Sticking your fingers up - without the person knowing - is not the same as swearing at them.

Spitting in the street - it would depend on what was happening, that horrid little squirty spit that thugs do no it’s rank. Someone coughing up a lung and spitting it out, no, you carry on.

Both of those aren’t comparable though.. are they.

Husband- once or twice.
Children- never and I find the idea of it really baffling.

@speakout

Honestly, no. I'm the same at @FTEngineerM in that passing judgement on a split second of someone's day is ridiculous. They're my thoughts, but they don't have to he yours,as I said we all have different opinions on what is acceptable an what isn't.

@Thenose

Many posts are relying on the privacy of the act to justify its harmlessness. What's the harm if the child doesn't see? How naive. The op was seen doing it. It wasn't private; it was public.

The assertion that every parent finds it impossibly difficult to regulate their feelings without making hand gestures is laughable. The comments that argue that 'everyone does it and anyone who says they don't is a liar' look daft to those of us who don't do it.

I think there's a good chance that those who say they wouldn't mind their friends or family doing this to them in public when their back is turned are talking utter bullshit, or need to up their standards.

I don't do this, because I try to treat my kids the way I want to be treated and I wouldn't want it done to me. It's not because I'm perfect or 'prissy'. I could do better in many areas, but 'respect' represents a pretty low rung of the parenting ladder. If it represents an impossibly high standard for you, that's not my problem.

Yep. Pretty much this.

It just seems really sad to me that so many of you need to let off steam.
My kids weren't angels but I never swore at them ever and never flicked any signs at them ever.
Very very occasionally, like twice in 25 years of bringing them up from babies to adults, I've shouted at them in frustration. Occasionally I've cried.
I just think that with level of disrespect it does rub off on the children and you run the risk of getting it reflected back at you. Same with DPs too.

Very very occasionally, like twice in 25 years of bringing them up from babies to adults, I've shouted at them in frustration

Do you want a medal?

@oviraptor21 it’s interesting that you can’t see that it’s ok that everyone is different, not everyone of us that has children has the same personality likewise not every one of our children has the same personality. I’ve seen all sorts of children on our travels around various places softplay, woods, cafes, supermarkets, beaches and swimming pools etc.. some are quiet, shy and careful and some are absolutely wild, inquisitive and full of energy. If someone had two of the shy calmer type they’re going to have a very different parenting journey to someone who had wild type.

As I said above, you just can’t judge the OP for flicking the Vs or any one of the others here, because not everyone is living in the same conditions.

I had both types and more than two.
It's OK that everyone's different. It's also OK for me to find the levels of disrespect in society as a whole very sad. I'm sure I'm not alone in that.

@oviraptor21

It just seems really sad to me that so many of you need to let off steam. My kids weren't angels but I never swore at them ever and never flicked any signs at them ever. Very very occasionally, like twice in 25 years of bringing them up from babies to adults, I've shouted at them in frustration. Occasionally I've cried. I just think that with level of disrespect it does rub off on the children and you run the risk of getting it reflected back at you. Same with DPs too.

How is shouting at your children less harmful than swearing at them when they have absolutely no idea about it?

@FTEngineerM

Sticking your fingers up - without the person knowing - is not the same as swearing at them.

Spitting in the street - it would depend on what was happening, that horrid little squirty spit that thugs do no it’s rank. Someone coughing up a lung and spitting it out, no, you carry on.

Both of those aren’t comparable though.. are they.

@FTEngineerM Spitting of any kind is absolutely rank. Whether it’s the former you describe, or someone “coughing up a lung and spitting it out” both are completely disgusting and anti-social. I think spitting should be fined in the same way that littering is.

And spitting is in no way comparable to a frustrated and tired parent making a hand gesture to regulate themselves which their child cannot see