Annoyed with friends/family...house purchase

[CocoCookieCream]

So we bought a good 4 bed house recently (in Sussex), after upgrading from a 1 bedroom flat (in a more expensive London area).

And some of the comments from friends/family make me furious:

-You must have got a hand-out from your parents.
-Must be good to have rich parents.

Also, it's not just the comments but some of the attitudes people have had when visiting. E.g. pointing out flaws, rolling eyes, nasty looks, veiled comments.

Has anyone else experiend this?

It's quite hurtful for 3 reasons:

1. I only wish friends/family well, and don't see their success as my downfall.

1. It took 10 years of saving, making money on the side, savings 50% of salaries, forgoing holidays/nice cars to be able to afford the house.

1. My/our parents are not rich at all. Since and even before buying the house, we are/were more well off than our respective parents by far. (But I guess no one knew/knows as we never spent/showed off our money, etc...).

I mean, why are friends/family such ***.

Don't sound like good friends unfortunately op. Nothing you can do about family other than not contact them. They are jealous that you've managed to do it.

It’s just envy. Just roll your eyes and say, I wish.

Enjoy your lovely new home.

@MatildaTheCat

It’s just envy. Just roll your eyes and say, I wish.

Enjoy your lovely new home.

Thanks

They sound strange particularly pointing out the flaws.
Having said that I don't know anyone who has bought a property without family help & most have had help with additional purchases.

I can’t abide this sort of behaviour. They should be happy for you and celebrate your new house, but not everyone is capable of that generosity of spirit.

They're not friends.

They don't sound very nice, maybe rethink your friendships with them.
I will say though that you were in a fortunate position to be able to save 50% of your salaries, most people need almost all their salary to pay bills and just survive. So if you mentioned that to your friends, I wouldn't expect any sympathy

Don’t let them spoil the fruits of your hard work saving. As Pp have said, they may not be the good friends you thought they were. Maybe you should start making some among you new neighbours!

Pull them up on it. Every time.

Pointing out flaws? That’s horrible

@user1471457751

They don't sound very nice, maybe rethink your friendships with them. I will say though that you were in a fortunate position to be able to save 50% of your salaries, most people need almost all their salary to pay bills and just survive. So if you mentioned that to your friends, I wouldn't expect any sympathy

Hmmm. I think I only mentioned it to one friend, as they asked how we could afford it. But bear in mind, getting married relatively young at 23 & 24, meant we could both contribute towards bills. And our respective friend and family circle/cohort decided to spend their earnings on BMW, Lexus, holiday abroad each year, takeaways, etc...whereas we didn't. That same friend just bought a £45k car on PCP which doesn't entirely fit on his driveway (facepalm).

@bindud

They sound strange particularly pointing out the flaws. Having said that I don't know anyone who has bought a property without family help & most have had help with additional purchases.

I think everyones circumstance is different.

For us, we didn't need any help with this purchase (we are more well off than our parents).

Although, for our first flat we were gifted £3k, as we were a fraction under deposit requirements and wanted to make the offer on the flat before it went! But that was a decade ago, lol.

I hear you….

My SIL came round with my DB when we first moved in to this house. We’d worked hard and saved for a long time to get the right house for us. The minute she walked through the door it was…”the kitchens nice but I don’t like the cupboard handles” “For the money you’ve paid I’d have wanted a bigger garden” etc etc….

It really upset me at the time but I’ve come to realise that some people just can’t stand to see other people happy and doing well. Ignore and carry on enjoying your lovely home!

@TyrannosaurusRegina

Pull them up on it. Every time.

Problem is I'm slightly more introverted I guess, whereas they can talk the talk.

Even in occasions, where they are completely wrong they are good at turning things round on others.

(This applies more to family than friends tbh. Which is why I can't just ditch them so to speak)

@Laila747

I hear you….

My SIL came round with my DB when we first moved in to this house. We’d worked hard and saved for a long time to get the right house for us. The minute she walked through the door it was…”the kitchens nice but I don’t like the cupboard handles” “For the money you’ve paid I’d have wanted a bigger garden” etc etc….

It really upset me at the time but I’ve come to realise that some people just can’t stand to see other people happy and doing well. Ignore and carry on enjoying your lovely home!

Thanks Laila.

What's so funny. Is that someone said a similar thing about our old flat. I wouldn't have paid £xxx for this flat.

Rehearse telling them off

That's very hurtful.

My civil engineer dad immediately started planning our extension and some friends laughed with us about the hideous wall paper choices the previous owners made but surely any good fried just smiles and wishes you well in your new home? This isn’t the behaviour of a real friend.

I just don’t understand this attitude and I grew up in a family who are very much like this.

Who cares how or why you have a nice house. Although congratulations for working hard at getting it! Yes, some people are more fortunate/prioritise differently but that doesn’t mean they don’t deserve what they get.

Funnily enough, the people I know who are the most pleased for other people are the ones who have the least materially and financially.

It really does suck

@PurpleDaisies

My civil engineer dad immediately started planning our extension and some friends laughed with us about the hideous wall paper choices the previous owners made but surely any good fried just smiles and wishes you well in your new home? This isn’t the behaviour of a real friend.

Yea, I have actually reduced contact to one of the friends mentioned in one of the above posts. But it's disappointing really, as we also had a lot of good times together

Just tell them all those lunchtimes you spend working sex chat lines has paid off...
Hate jealousy... They aren't your real friends op.

I pressed go too soon, I was going to say it ducks the joy out of positives but it does also just suck!

Oh it's just jealousy! It's sadly very normal to encounter. Why do people do this?? It's always the people who would be the most mortified to know they were being overtly envious who are the most overtly envious too?!?

Did you own the flat in London? Surely the most dumb dumb knows that even in (most) places of the SE you will still get a lot more bang for your book and will have made a large amount of equity even if you've only been in it for a short time.

Playing a small amount of Devils Advocate though, there was a thread on here this week asking if people had had help buying a house and I was surprised at the amount who had, even going back 10-30 years when I would have expected it to be much less common place. So maybe it isn't the wildest assumption....but still they're being dicks!

Enjoy your new home!

Horrible. I got similar when I inherited half a house - "you're so lucky" etc. I pull them every time by reminding them that they have parents to spend time with, make into grandparents, etc whereas I lost my mum at 23, my dad at 34 and my brother last year. I have a house but no family, and I'd give everything I have to get them back even for an hour.

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping 😂😂That’s such a good come back.

It smacks of jealousy, and perhaps also a touch of regret that your lifestyle is now going to change and perhaps theirs won’t can’t.

Either way it’s not a good look on them try to ignore them and focus on enjoying the new home, that you have worked hard to get.

@JanuaryJones22

Thanks. I wasn't sure if it was just something that happens to me, or if this can happen to others as well.

Yup, we did own the flat, which helped a lot (went up a lot in price by selling time / was practically paid off at that point).