Annoyed with friends/family...house purchase

[CocoCookieCream]

So we bought a good 4 bed house recently (in Sussex), after upgrading from a 1 bedroom flat (in a more expensive London area).

And some of the comments from friends/family make me furious:

-You must have got a hand-out from your parents.
-Must be good to have rich parents.

Also, it's not just the comments but some of the attitudes people have had when visiting. E.g. pointing out flaws, rolling eyes, nasty looks, veiled comments.

Has anyone else experiend this?

It's quite hurtful for 3 reasons:

1. I only wish friends/family well, and don't see their success as my downfall.

1. It took 10 years of saving, making money on the side, savings 50% of salaries, forgoing holidays/nice cars to be able to afford the house.

1. My/our parents are not rich at all. Since and even before buying the house, we are/were more well off than our respective parents by far. (But I guess no one knew/knows as we never spent/showed off our money, etc...).

I mean, why are friends/family such ***.

@Laila747

I hear you….

My SIL came round with my DB when we first moved in to this house. We’d worked hard and saved for a long time to get the right house for us. The minute she walked through the door it was…”the kitchens nice but I don’t like the cupboard handles” “For the money you’ve paid I’d have wanted a bigger garden” etc etc….

It really upset me at the time but I’ve come to realise that some people just can’t stand to see other people happy and doing well. Ignore and carry on enjoying your lovely home!

My sil walked around saying ‘what a funny little house’ repeatedly, until I snapped ‘yeah fucking hilarious’ and she got the message.

Firstly, sorry you are having to deal with people like this. I personally would address all negative comments straight away, something along the lines of… I don’t know if you realise but you are coming across rude/condescending but I do not appreciate the comments and negativity at such an exciting time… Now be nice or … 😉

Pure jealousy. Distant yourself. Real friends only ever want the best for you.

or ...
"I am sorry you don't like the house" You have always been such a good friend over the years that I was going to leave it to you. Never mind though.

YANB, your friends are being really mean.

I’ve been the person in their 20’s who worried that they would never ever get on the property ladder, and wouldn’t have been able to get any help from family. I would worry about if every single morning when I woke up. So I can sympathise with them being jealous, even if they are trying their hardest to be happy for you. But there is no excuse for them to make snipey comments towards you and I hope you set them straight!

@user5464 - Well said 🤣🤣🤣

They clearly are not very good friends! Honestly enjoy your new home and let them think what they want!

Enjoy your new home! It’s no one's business how you get to own your house. Even if your family did help, what’s that get to do with the others. In our family and culture, family always helps, and I will do the same for my child. Odd attitude to me anyways, not to help if you can. No one rolls their eyes when you send the kids to private schools (which cost £££££), but suddenly it’s an issue if you are given a deposit. Like it’s not fair…And it’s fair to send your kids to be educated privately?! So odd.

It’s jealousy!
We had the same from our larger house purchase. My SIL came to see the house and was like we can afford to buy a house for 0.5 million if I want to… GO ON THEN! The comments were ridiculous and took the shine off it a bit. People forget all the hard work and sacrifices that have been made.
Enjoy your new home.

I must have nice friends then! We just bought a lively new house and friends have done plumbing, laid new floors, fitted new bathroom and heaps of little jobs to help, because we’re friends. A few have said “It’s going to be amazing - I’m jealous” type comments but with a big smile and warm heart. You need new friends to go with your house.

We had the opposite. My BIL and SIL had a huge house and garden in a part of the country where house prices are very low. We were really proud of buying our flat in an expensive bit of London, no parental help and we paid off the mortgage out of earnings in 10 years. They openly poured scorn on our place because it wasn’t as big as theirs. They were like that Harry Enfield character ‘I’ve got more money than how’. It got my goat, because who goads people they assume to be less fortunate?
BIL also used to boast about his earnings, which he wrongly assumed to be more than ours - not that we ever enlightened him on that. Of course the sting in the tail was our flat was worth more than their house. We never knew whether they really didn’t realise that, or whether they did, and that was the real reason for their property put downs.

My sister is the same. She bought a ready to move in 4 bed 30 minutes out of town. 1 year later, I bought a 2 bed in town (ex council house but in the most expensive side of town for more than she paid. We plan on converting to 4 bed.
She laughed and said " why on earth are you buying a 2 bed?" " it's a terrace at the end of the day"; "wow, it's TINY!"" You have no skills, how will you renovate it?".
It's jealousy. I just shrug it off.
Got my own back when I showed her the architect plans and could see her seething inside as the house would end up bigger than hers and still in the best part of town!
Rise above it.

More money than you not how!

“Oh, we love the handles.”
“Really? We think the doorknobs are charming.”
“The garden is half the reason we bought the property - we think it’s perfect.”
(laughing) “Well, it’s a good thing you don’t have to live here, isn’t it?”

Whatever they say, make a comment back, negating theirs.
You don’t have to be polite in the face of rudeness.
And congratulations on your new home - I hope you’ll always be very happy there.

@lavender222

There will always be someone more wealthy, more intelligent, more beautiful, more successful than you. There will always be someone who lives in a bigger house, who lives in a better location, who drives a better car, whose children attend better schools, who wear better clothes than you — ad infinitum, ad nauseam.

Your sister would do well to learn that.

@SinisterBumFacedCat

At the end of the day, so fucking what if you had £3k help for your first deposit. It’s hardly worthy of the ridiculous assumption that you are on a level with an Old Etonian.

If you are going to call this privilege you could find privileges anywhere that unfairly hinder others. Not suffering from a chronic illness that stops you from fully committing to a well paid career? Privileged. Male and earning much more? Privileged. Not unable to work full time due to caring for a loved one? Privileged. Don’t have a parent with a progressive neurological disease whose house has to be sold to pay for nursing/residential care? Privileged.

I hope one day I will be secure enough to help out my DC’s with their deposits. Housing has become so stupidly unaffordable for most that of us it’s turning friends against each other like this. I suppose these critics could vote against governments who refuse to act on housing inequality. They won’t though.

Yep.

I’d imaging some of the posts on here are akin to the ridiculous comments you’ve been receiving from friends.

Op you’ve done well, enjoy it. Their bitterness belongs to them, don’t let them inflict it on you.

They are jealous - unfortunately lots of people are. Most nastiness I encounter IRL seems to stem from jealousy.

However, your comment re your friend’s PCP car doesn’t paint you in the best light either!

@ShavingTheBadger, I know how exactly you feel. I inherited when my DMum died but I would much rather have Mum back.

Did you tell your friends and family that you've been saving, not going on holidays, that your one bedroom flat in London costs almost as much as a house outside London? Seems that if they are actually good friends, you need to tell them the truth. Or just ditch them. I person Bally don't have time for "friends" who cannot be happy for me when I do well, or support me when I need that

I think either you have shit choice in friends or you are coming across as more braggy than you mean to.

Sounds like these friends are jealous and aren’t able to be happy for you.
You sound like a lovely person and I think you could do with friend upgrade lol

They don't seem like nice friends OP 😕
You're right to be upset but I would try to take no notice. Maybe they're jealous ?🤔

We've had similar. In an expensive area of the midlands our southern friends often comment how lucky we are to afford such a big house because it's so "cheap" up here. The irony is our area is more expensive than some of theirs. I tend to eye roll and say "yeah they practically give them away around here"

It's just jealousy, they'll calm down.

I sometimes get similar. I now say something funny/sarcastic like “are you kidding? I had to sleep with some very strange men to earn enough for this” which is funny because I’m short dumpy and ugly 😂 I think it calls them out on it while keeping the mood light

@CocoCookieCream congratulations on your great achievement!
I've experienced the same reaction as you - I've just bought a 3 bed house after years of hard work and saving, and have had pretty much the same response from a few 'friends', who seem quite annoyed at my purchase. It's totally bizarre.
There was no 'congratulations' ... only 'how did YOU manage that?'; 'your parents must be loaded', etc.
My parents didn't give me a penny.
I can only imagine it is jealousy? Enjoy your lovely house. You deserve it