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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think DP should contribute more?

261 replies

BikeMadMummyOf3 · 11/02/2022 10:52

AIBU here, pls tell me if I am. DP works 5 days a week as do I. We both have 'decent' paying jobs and live together. We have 4DC (I should change my name on here now LOL). I pay all the rent the council tax and 99% of the bills myself. He contributes £200 PM. I do majority of the cleaning ALL of the cooking and everything else. DP doesnt see an issue with this and told me I'm being selfish and 'money grabbing' to ask for more of a financial contribution to the house. Hes now got me feeling like I ABU and guilty for even asking in the first place. AIBU?

OP posts:
roarfeckingroarr · 11/02/2022 10:54

What!? Why!? How did you end up this way?

Rainallnight · 11/02/2022 10:54

He contributes £200 per month in total, does almost zero housework and you want to know if you’re being unreasonable in asking for more?

You shouldn’t have to ask.

SafeMove · 11/02/2022 10:55

You should feel guilty for doubting that you are being unreasonable. This is absolutely, clear to anyone, unfair. He is a twat.

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 11/02/2022 10:56

Why did you decide to have 3 further children with this man? Of course it's unreasonable.

BarbaraofSeville · 11/02/2022 10:57

Hes now got me feeling like I ABU and guilty for even asking in the first place

Seriously? Read back what you've written. One or both of you is either utterly stupid to think the situation you describe is fair or that you should feel guilty about expecting more than a token contribution as if he was a lodger and not the father of 4 DC with equal responsibility for financing the household and all the necessary cleaning, cooking, laundry, childcare etc or it could be that he's abusive and you're so ground down you don't know what's reasonable any more.

XmasElf10 · 11/02/2022 10:57

YAB totally unreasonable for doubting yourself. He is sponging off you. Lazy arse that he is!

SafeMove · 11/02/2022 10:59

He is not paying for his DC.
He is not paying for his housing.
He is not paying for his utilities.
He is paying for his food at best.

You are subsidising someone who has no respect for you or his own DC. I couldn't have sex or live with or love anyone who short changes his children.

Hapoydayz · 11/02/2022 10:59

How have you even got into this situation? Why are you paying for everything and doing everything in the home. What is the point of him?

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/02/2022 10:59

You know you’re not unreasonable. He’s a piss taking moocher. Where’s his money going?

This is deal breaker stuff. You’ll get more than £200 a month from the CMS if you chuck him out. I’d do that.

Tanfastic · 11/02/2022 11:00

I'm surprised you need to ask op. Myself and DH earn the same and pay the same. What makes your DH think he is entitled to have a better lifestyle than you? Does he think women are the inferior sex?

TidyDancer · 11/02/2022 11:01

What does he use his money for and how did you end up like this?

Thisfridaysadhdaccount · 11/02/2022 11:04

It's so depressing that there is a new thread like this on here every day, some shit man doing virtually nothing to support his family and managing to bully his wife or partner into thinking this is fine.

I would honestly split up with him. He sounds like a dead weight and that you'd manage better on your own.

Four kids?! And all he's ever paid is £200?? I'm not going to ask why you put up with this or had all those babies with him. That's done now. Getting rid of him should be your next step.

Thehop · 11/02/2022 11:04

Show him what his CMS payments would be and tell him you won’t hesitate to lose him
And gain that. (And mean it)

AdaColeman · 11/02/2022 11:06

What? Why have you let yourself be taken advantage of so completely?

abigailsnan · 11/02/2022 11:07

Wow that bloke is on a winner with you for sure,show him the total outgoings and tell him you want half every month,or show him the door and see if he can survive on £200 per month for all inclusive living.

Glitterygreen · 11/02/2022 11:07

I don't understand how he thinks this is fair? What is he spending all of his money on if it's not on rent or bills? He must be rolling in it!

redastherose · 11/02/2022 11:08

Are they your joint children or some his some yours?

Whatever the set up with the children he is a waste of space. Who's name is on the tenancy agreement? If it is only yours I would suggest you box up everything he owns and put it outside and get rid of him. He won't even be covering his own costs for living in the house by paying £200. You'd get more from a lodger!!

Please raise your bar and tell him his free ride is over, he either gets out or pays you 50% of the rent, 50% of the food bill, 50% of the utilities and 50% of the childrens costs. Work out precisely what you have been paying and divide it in half and present him with a bill or the front door as his options then don't back down. He is using you and a horrible human being for doing so.

finished31 · 11/02/2022 11:13

Oh tell him to fuck right off. Does he think he is still a single person living at home.

ChittyBangs · 11/02/2022 11:13

He is taking the utter piss out of you.

NoSquirrels · 11/02/2022 11:14

He’d pay more than £50 per child in child maintenance if he didn’t live with you…

User1isnotavailable · 11/02/2022 11:15

You are treating him the way an overindulgent mother would.

He needs to grow up and pay 50% of the total costs. Sit down and write down all expenditure and present to him. Pay up or sod off.

YouHaveYourFathersBreasts · 11/02/2022 11:15

Stop living with him and then claim should support. With 4 kids you’ll get more than £200 a month if he’s employed. And you won’t have to put up with his lazy, selfish behaviour and his frankly insulting attitude that you are money grabbing. Cheeky twat.

Quartz2208 · 11/02/2022 11:16

Tell him to leave OP - the potential 25% Council Tax reduction plus CMS you should get I suspect will leave you far better off financially and emotionally

Mandofan · 11/02/2022 11:17

If this is true then you are a mug. How on earth did this arrangement come to be?!

GeneLovesJezebel · 11/02/2022 11:17

You are being used. He needs to step up or get out.